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From salemsmom: On trying eHarmony again and on long distance matches

Salemsmomsalemsmom writes:

I am coming up on two years in EHarmony and I don’t care what others say, I love it! It is my entertainment, my outlet, and I have learned so much about myself (and changed a lot about myself) in these two years. I have met great guys! Granted, the majority don’t answer or close for little or no reason. No, I can’t tell if they are members or not… no I don’t get responses to all initiations I make. It was painful in the beginning, but I learned not to take it personally. I know men get far more matches than women and are overwhelmed by how to communicate with all. I also know that a great number of the matches cannot respond because they are not paying customers. Hopefully, if they see something in my info that excites them they will put up the bucks to meet me. I am serious about a life partner, but it is because I am serious that I am here. I want him to be serious too, and if it takes a lot of time to find him then it is important to take that time. I want to get it right this time!

So I would say stay in. Three months is not much of an investment in your entire future and there are a lot of perks along the way to finding the right one.

I welcome the long distance dates and have made a very good “friend” in Portland, Oregon (I am in Florida… how far apart can you get). He came all the way out here to meet me and we have a great relationship although life things have changed for him and he now lives outside the country. We still stay in touch and he sends great gifts!!! Now I am coming down from a great relationship with a guy in North Dakota. We had fabulous destination dates in Savannah, Minneapolis, NC. etc. He is wonderful to be with and when the time is right for one of us to move we might end up together… right now he has “life” happening to him and needs to back off. He prefers to date out of his local area because he is well-know there and thinks many have preconceived notions about him. I am also rather well-known in my community and want to meet people who only know me from me.

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My philosophy about long distance is that at my age [54] I am approaching retirement and I don’t really care to stay in Florida… would like to have a change and I am open to all matches in other states who are open to making a move as well. What I find funny about the “distance” issue is that a lot of men close the matches with me for the “distance” reason and they only live 50 miles away! I find that very limiting. If you want to meet people within your own community you will without eHarmony…

I hope you stay in… These discussion boards can get discouraging and we all get fed up with the treatment of matches sometimes, but it is the nature of the beast…

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Comments 3

  1. Uncle Fester wrote:

    >> I know men get far more matches than women and are overwhelmed by how to communicate with all.

    Huh? How do you “know” this? I thought it was the women who were so totally overwhelmed.

    In my experience on eH (a 3-month period in 2007), I did not encounter a single woman who I would not describe as a “flake”. I have written many times that I think they were either a) not really interested in anything beyond e-communication or b) afraid of the process (and/or inexperienced) to the point where it was genuinely affecting their attractiveness. 3 months of that was more than enough for me – oh, two years would have been pure torture! Even when you get past the fundamental dirty secret of eH… that is, that most of your matches aren’t really there.

    Regarding geographic preferences… I really doubt that cross-country dating is the norm on eH. I am not even willing to travel cross-town for a match. In my area, a 30-mile radius covers 2 million people, and I assure you, I have not met most of them.

    Posted 30 Aug 2008 at 6:45 pm
  2. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    When I was pursuing long-distance matches, we seemed to never get past phone/IM/e-mail. Despite my efforts to try and keep communicating, most of them would just drop off the face of the planet and not even respond. Here is a potential match but since they live far away, but it is easier to just not pursue them.

    This is where I see eHarmony’s “cast a wide net” approach that they emphasize so strongly as being an asset of their service (the love of your life is waiting for, somewhere far away) actually being an abysmal failure, despite their repeated posting of success stories. I really have to wonder how many long distance matches actually end up working out and that those success stories are really a teeny-tiny percentage.

    Maybe in this case, it works since she travels a lot and ends up meeting others that travel a lot but if you are tied close to “home base”, I don’t see how it will work.

    Posted 11 Sep 2008 at 8:25 am
  3. eharmonyblog wrote:

    “Tied close to home base” would also be less the case with older people and those who have already worked and secured themselves financially so that they are independent and can live wherever they want.

    Posted 14 Sep 2008 at 10:04 am

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