No matter how you cut it, appearances matter to people. eHarmony presents us with choices when to reveal our photos to our matches. Today I’m going to talk about all these choices, sorted by worst to best.
Trivia: Did you know that, in eHarmony’s first 20 months of existence, photos were ONLY available when matches reach the OC stage? The following photo sharing settings were introduced and announced in their June 2002 newsletter.
To simplify the discussion, let’s call the person who initiated communication Jessie and the other person Jordan.
#5. … after we’ve entered Open Communication.
When will my photo show up? After Jordan sends Jordan’s first message in Open Communication
This one, the worst setting, is for the hardcore “Love me for who I am” people. I tried this setting for a couple of weeks and all the “first message in Open Communication” I got was a request to see what I look like. Unless you like receiving these sort of requests, avoid this setting.
Do I automatically reveal my photo when I initiate FastTrack?
No, FastTrack requests do not affect photo sharing. The following actions DO NOT take the match to the Open Communication Stage.
- Sending a FastTrack request
- Reading a FastTrack request
- Reading the first message in Open Communication
It is when one of you replies to the first message in OC is the match brought to the OC stage, and thus, eHarmony shows your photos. This is always the case unless you pick “Match by Match basis.”
#4. … at the beginning before communication begins.
When will my photo show up? All the time.
The majority of eHarmony members have this setting. The philosophy is, “If your match is communicating with you, he or she has at least initially signed off on your looks.”
This is the advantage: in most cases, you waste no time with those who find you unattractive. I say, most cases, because there will always be those members who respond but have no intention to meet, and those members who communicate with matches for practice.
You will acclimate right away with matches who close with “Other”, “I’m pursuing another relationship”, et cetera, because the real reason is that you’re not their physical type.
If you want to be like everybody, this is also your choice.
But I want to see photos right away? Sure, but what’s the harm in playing hard to get for a while. Forget about fair. Be a prize.
#3. … after we’ve exchanged Must Haves/Can’t Stands.
When will my photo show up? After Jordan sends Jordan’s Must Have/Can’t Stands and before Jessie sends Jessie’s list. (Yeah there’s something wrong with the programming there.)
This setting is better than #5 (“after we’ve entered Open Communication.”), but the thought in your matches’ mind at this point can be, “Hey I’ve been communicating with this match for a couple of days already, I still don’t know what she looks like.”
Better than #5, this setting gives your match the encouragement he needs:
- to not make a big deal of some of your Must Haves and Can’t Stands
- to take time to answer your Open-ended questions
- to take time to send you questions.
“Oh his list says he wants someone who is affectionate. Heh, with a body like that, I can sure give him some lovin’.”
Another good use of this setting is to use your photos and photo captions to start a conversation on the open-ended question-and-answer. He has just seen your photos, so you can start being conversant. For example,
“As you can see I love baseball, so what’s your team?”
However, what do you think about sending this question in this stage: “What do you think about dating someone who has a small child?” Is this a good or bad idea?
#2. … after we’ve exchanged our First Questions.
When will my photo show up? When Jordan replies to the first set of questions.
This setting has all the advantages of #4 (“at the beginning before communication begins.”) and three more:
First, you can deny to your coworkers, your exes, and people in your town that you joined eHarmony. Anonymity is cool.
Second, matches have to DO something to see your photos.
- Your matches initiate because they read and like your profile.
- Your request for communication is judged solely on what you wrote about yourself.
- “This ain’t a meat market!” There is no “Start Communication” link in the gallery of your photos.
Third, those who send a Photo Nudge before communicating reveal how shallow they really are.
Better than #3 (“after we’ve exchanged Must Haves/Can’t Stands.”), this setting obliges the least effort from your matches. However, if you believe in “Love me for who I am”, then I recommend #3 instead of this one.
#1. … on a Match by Match basis.
When will my photo show up? Whenever you want
This is the best setting, in my opinion.
The first advantage is that you can hide photos when you change your mind, such as to matches you have closed.
Closing matches does not hide your photos from them! Ending your subscription doesn’t, either!
The second advantage is that this is the only one where you can respond to Photo Nudges. Photo Nudges are indicators of interest, and fulfilling requests like these produces attraction.
The third advantage is anonymity.
The only disadvantage of this setting is the extra management. Each step for each match you will have to decide: do I share my photo now or later? Noting who has seen you or not does add confusion.
There you go, my brief rundown and recommendations. I hope this article helps!
Do you agree with my recommendation? Do you have other tactics? Share it with us in the comments area.
Other Settings
If my match does not have a photo on file with eHarmony, I would like to …
This setting is inconsequential really because almost everybody has posted their photos. In the thousands of matches I got, there were only a handful paid members who never had a photo for a long time.
I would like to receive Photo Nudge Notifications from my matches:
I strongly recommend you leave this on. Sending a Photo Nudge is an investment of your match’s time to indicate interest in you. Don’t deny her this ability.
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