A checklist for your last day on eHarmony…

So, you’ve been on eHarmony for a while. You haven’t found the one (or anyone?) and don’t want to renew, either to take a break from the hustle and bustle of sending communications or to try another service or have decided to try something else to find someone.

Well, don’t give up yet (on eHarmony or on your search)!

I find myself in this very situation, so here are some suggestions of how to get your money’s worth, even when you aren’t going to get any more service from eHarmony!

Here’s the outline of the check list of items that you should address:

Billing
Communications
Your profile/matching
Pictures
Resubscribing

Billing

The day BEFORE your subscription expires is when they will attempt to bill your credit card, so take care of this well in advance (change the number in your account settings). You will still have access the day your membership expires when they fail to charge your credit card (you’ll get an e-mail indicating this).

Communications

Send FastTrack requests to those matches you have gotten past Stage 1 with and include your e-mail address in the request. Offer to continue the guided communication via e-mail by sending MH/CS and 2nd questions, to keep the ball rolling. If it takes them a while to get around to you, they will eventually get your message and you can continue communicating. Who in their right mind wouldn’t accept a FastTrack or would be “offended” after going a round or two of guided communication because your membership elapsed?

Send your e-mail address to matches you are in OC with but haven’t transitioned to e-mail. This can serve as a gentle but truthful nudge to move things along.

Close matches you aren’t interested in pursuing (that’s a lot of work for me, counting all the ones since February that haven’t responded).

Your profile/matching

At the risk of being censored or edited you might consider updating your “About Me” additional information to indicate that your subscription expired, the date of expiration and that you are taking a break and will consider renewing at a later date / communicate at the next FCW or some similar message.

This next topic is a somewhat controversial one to make a decision about:

Whether or not to turn off matching…

Is there a point in getting matches if you can’t communicate with them if you aren’t interested in renewing? You might find someone if you keep getting matches but if you have a few cooking, maybe it is time to let those simmer some more and take a break from the excitement of “fresh fish”. I suppose if you want to keep checking and close the ones you aren’t interested in you might be able to use icebreakers to feel out for ones that you are REALLY interested in and would consider subscribing again for (ahem, well, that would imply that icebreakers actually work).

For some folks, not having pictures in the decision making process can make this a bit of a catch-22. Maybe your decision-making will be clearer without pictures and easier to close out folks that you don’t feel compatible with based on their profiles alone? Maybe it’s the other way around…you need those pictures to make that decision and without them, you would rather not have a decision to make (and thus, turn off matching).

Pictures

Speaking of pictures, you might consider saving pictures of matches that you are hoping to continue communicating with to your computer so you know who you are talking to while e-mailing since the pictures go away when you aren’t a subscriber (something that you may tend to forget, especially if you have been a subscriber for several months).

Resubscribing

While you are taking a break and if you find your “offline matches” aren’t working out, it is best to wait for a good subscription deal to come your way and don’t feel pressured to renew at the “regular” rate. You’ll may even get that e-mail offer before you feel like renewing!

In closing…

If I’ve forgotten something, please comment and we’ll edit this post so it is a keeper that everyone will know, read and be empowered to retain every last nickel, dime and match out of eHarmony after all the money (which is all they care about, according to them, right?) you have given them.

Signed,

SingleGuyInNC, former eHarmony subscriber…for now…

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Comments 23

Comments: 1 2

Pyke wrote:
eHarmony staff review profiles once they get around to it. Hinting on your subscription status (paid member until X date, rejoining on Y date, being a FCW participant) is prohibited. See #6 of my list of annoyances.
Posted 11 Jun 2008 at 6:07 pm ¶
SingleGuyInNC wrote:
Thanks for the reminder, Pyke. I edited my post to reference yours.

I guess we’ll see when/if they bother doing this with a non-subscriber with matching turned off. That should be pretty low on the totem pole for them in terms of a threat, since the matches that I still have open haven’t communicated with me and probably never will and it’s not like I’m trying to “communicate” with new potential matches.

I had a “paid until” line in my profile a few days before my membership expired and it wasn’t edited. I’ve also seen at least one or two matches with something to this effect that were not edited for quite some time. I just don’t think they have the manpower to put a pair of human eyes on every profile edit.
Posted 12 Jun 2008 at 9:41 am ¶
Uncle Fester wrote:
I left a “my membership expired on… I’m sorry they matched me withyou” line in my profile over a year ago, and it’s still there. I’ve been matched over 200 times since my subscription ended. Only about 25% of those view me and close me, which gives a pretty clear idea about how stale their match database is.
Posted 17 Jun 2008 at 6:36 am ¶
Shar wrote:
Uncle Fester,

Did you turn your matching off?
Posted 18 Jun 2008 at 12:15 pm ¶
Uncle Fester wrote:
I did not. I stripped the content and pictures out of my profile and left the message that I’m not really there. I wanted to see how frequently a “dead” member is matched after the membership expires. (Matches continue to trickle in at a slow steady rate.) Whether the mix of inactive to active matches varies with time. (It doesn’t seem to. About 20% of new matches view my page and see the message. Most, but not all, close right away. Some send 1st Questions and Photo Nudges anyway.) Whether messages on the site like “You have reached your match limit. View your existing matches to receive more.” (These messages are flat-out lies. There’s no limit.)
Posted 18 Jun 2008 at 5:16 pm ¶
Shar wrote:
It’s not a “lie”. For unpaid members there certainly IS a match limit. If you aren’t actively opening and checking out your matches , they stop at ten.

If you keep opening and checking out your matches, your match coffer will be replenished up to the limit. i.e. they send you 10 matches, you check out 4. That makes room for 4 new matches. Presumably they are hoping that you will find one or more of these matches so enticing that you will ante up for a paid membership again.

As long as you do not not turn off your matching, you will continue to be matched with both paying and non-paying members, up to the unpaid membership match limit.
Posted 19 Jun 2008 at 7:03 am ¶
Uncle Fester wrote:
Since my membership ended over a year ago, I haven’t view any new matches until they close me. Presently, I have 64 matches in my box. 21 have viewed but not closed. I have not viewed any of the 64. I have received 14 matches so far in June; 5 have closed and 1 has viewed but not closed.

I did view and close a bunch of matches during a free weekend in February, or the numbers would be much higher. I see no proof that there’s any actual “unpaid membership limit”.
Posted 19 Jun 2008 at 6:14 pm ¶
Pyke wrote:
There is no match limit. The line is a lie. I agree with Uncle Fester. It may be different for women — that’s the only explanation I can find.

Until sometime last year, eHarmony used to show this screen when (a) you sign in, before the home page appears, and (b) when you click Find New Matches. Nonetheless back then, the system still sent matches when it wanted to.

The line is a lie.

I will say this, though. Strictly speaking, Uncle Fester isn’t a dead account. He still signs in, he still clicks links. Let’s have a person register today and never sign in again and never click links. Let’s see how long until the matches stop coming. The proof of the pudding is in the eating.
Posted 19 Jun 2008 at 6:36 pm ¶
Shar wrote:
I was a member years ago, and rejoined a few months ago.

Why did I not have thousands and thousands of matches sitting there, awaiting my return? I had none. I believe it is because I cancelled my account and turned off my matches. Why would they continue to send more? I didn’t get any new matches until I turned my matching on again. I see no evidence that they matched me with anyone at all during that time.

Before I renewed my membership a few months ago, I turned on my matching for a couple of weeks and each time I reached ten new matches, the matching stopped and I got a message saying that I had to view or close my current matches before I would receive any more.

If it “doesn’t exist” or is a “lie”, then how did eHarmony manage to consistantly deliver that message to me each time I hit the magic number?

This went on for about two weeks before I renewed.

I sent eHarmony an e-mail just now because I can’t believe that I’m the lone person who got that message and everyone else is being matched against their will into infinity.

If you leave your matching on, I can see why they would send you new matches. Mainly that you would see a profile that you like and join again. That’s why I joined again a couple of weeks after turning my matching back on; I saw a profile of a guy I really really wanted to meet.

Matching On = possiblity
Matching Off = forget it

Why would anyone who doesn’t want to be matched leave their matching on?
Posted 19 Jun 2008 at 8:12 pm ¶
Shar wrote:
I’m beginning to think I am the only person around here who is actually meeting people from eHarmony and going on dates.
Posted 19 Jun 2008 at 8:16 pm ¶
SingleGuyInNC wrote:
Regarding the 10 match limit, it looks there are a few cases and how it applies to members that we can probably understand it by looking at who has the limit and what they have/haven’t done with their account.

One obvious case, is a member who has never subscribed. They get 10 matches and have to “clear their plate” to get more, hence the “I’m interested in pursuing other matches on eHarmony” reason for closing.

I believe that once you have subscribed, the match limit no longer applies. We have a few cases here (Uncle Fester and Pyke) that fits this (as well as myself, as best as I recall, from when I last let my membership lapse). I believe that this is the normal behavior for an account.

I think that Shar’s case may be unique for two reasons:
1) She was a member “a long time ago” and perhaps her account wasn’t “upgraded” as the system was upgraded to reflect the new behavior
2) Canceling her account – I think this probably sets a flag in your account that turns you into a new member who has never subscribed and hence, the ten match limit goes back into effect

I don’t think being active has anything to do with a match limit. It has been mentioned/theorized before that being active can influence how many matches you get (dead profiles “go to the bottom”). The test Pyke suggests could be used but that account would have to be a subscriber first to get past the initial 10 match limit.

Anyhow, this post is based upon the earlier comments here and my experience, so it’s possible that things have changed and my conclusions aren’t quite on target.
Posted 19 Jun 2008 at 9:15 pm ¶
SingleGuyInNC wrote:
“I’m beginning to think I am the only person around here who is actually meeting people from eHarmony and going on dates.”

I don’t want this to turn into my personal rant as this discussion is probably better suited to another medium. Anyhow…

Why do you think I’m on hiatus? Even though I can afford to subscribe again, I’m not really enthusiastic about it given that I haven’t gotten what I feel like is a reasonable rate of return for my investment.

In my case, several hundred dollars in eHarmony membership fees, countless hours communicating with potential matches over 1.5 years only yielded two first dates with no followups. The only reason for those two is they were the only two people in my immediate area not to close me.

Being matched to tons of people out of my area, no matter how compatible we are, is a real toughie. Relationships require real-world contact. Fuel prices are high and airfare is high. Even an hour or two drive may end up being a reason to close for “physical distance”. The eHarmony dream of meeting your perfect match in a land far, far away doesn’t seem to be a likely one.

I do miss the possibilities from getting new matches. They seemed to be improving following the personality test re-take but that has not been enough to convince me to spend money. I don’t see the reason to continue to get matches without a subscription. If I get them and see an interesting one, how do I know they are real and it’s worth it for me to subscribe?

I have more thoughts/comments on the matter but these are the ones most pertinent to the discussion and the original post. I guess I need to arrange the rest of my thoughts into another post.
Posted 19 Jun 2008 at 10:16 pm ¶
Uncle Fester wrote:
“Why would anyone who doesn’t want to be matched leave their matching on?”

In the early days of my membership, I was devastated when so many matches never replied to communication. It never occurred to me that most of them had not joined/had lapsed/etc. eH doesn’t warn you in any way that they do this. Thus, my interest since then in trying to reverse engineer how the matching process works, since they refuse to explain it well.

I see no harm in leaving my matching on, since I’ve removed my profile content and made it clear that I am not a live member. What I’d still like to know, is how I’m described in those “you have a new match” emails, since they’ve added meaningless stuff driven by the personality analysis (like “I like to stop and smell the roses”.). I wonder what they think I’d say.

“I’m beginning to think I am the only person around here who is actually meeting people from eHarmony and going on dates.”

During my active time, I had about 300 matches, got to OC with 8, and went on 3 dates. 1 more following a free weekend several months later. As I used to post elsewhere, I really believe that my matches were genuinely terrified of whole process. Nervous in a very unappealing way. None were women I would have been interested in meeting/dating on my own. I realize that in the real world, you have to meet many, many such women before a “click” happens, so I’m not mad about that. But the mental effort that eH requires, when you can’t know who’s even a real member, is the main reason I gave it up.
Posted 20 Jun 2008 at 5:44 am ¶
eHarmony Blog wrote:
@Shar: “Why would anyone who doesn’t want to be matched leave their matching on?”

a. It’s on by default. eHarmony used to ask in the test, appropriately, whether you WANT matches. That practice stopped a while ago.
b. Nobody told her to turn it off, or she missed the fine print.
c. It’s easier to ignore eHarmony emails than to sign back in and turn it off. Especially if he forgot his password.
d. It’s even easier to block senders.
e. She doesn’t check her mail at all.
f. He misspelled his email address during registration.

@Uncle Fester: Isn’t the meaningless stuff from the computer-generated personality profile?

@Uncle Fester: You wrote elsewhere that your membership expired on 28 Jun 2007, not yet a year. Ha, I’m nitpicking.

@SingleGuyInNC: “I believe that once you have subscribed, the match limit no longer applies.” Ah, I would have to introduce you to Emelia, who registered on April to help me hear about new promo codes. Emelia never signs in or opens emails — a bonafide dead account. I’ll ask “her” how many “new match” emails she has gotten.
Posted 20 Jun 2008 at 6:18 am ¶
Shar wrote:
“I see no harm in leaving my matching on, since I’ve removed my profile content and made it clear that I am not a live member.”

Uncle Fester,

The “harm” is that there are people with whom you are purportedly being matched with that have paid money to be matched with other people who ARE available and not paying to be matched with people who are not at all interested in joining or rejoining if they aren’t a current paying member.

There will always be a certain percentage of people that sign up that never intend to follow through with anything … but to intentionally increase that number while knowing full well how not to do it (turning off matching) is just plain wrong.
Posted 21 Jun 2008 at 2:59 pm ¶
eHarmony Blog wrote:
“The “harm” is that…”

I ran out of breath in that sentence, but, funny, I understood it.

This is a great post, Shar. Amen!
Posted 21 Jun 2008 at 3:11 pm ¶
Uncle Fester wrote:
Just plain wrong? No, ketchup on ice cream is just plain wrong. What I’ve done is in the interest of science, to provide an estimate that 2/3 to 3/4 of the matches received over a year’s time, are inactive! During my active days, I came to know that this was a big problem with eH, but nobody ever quantified “how big” a problem it really is.

How many departing members remember to turn off their matching? Or even know that it can be turned off? Practically none, I’d bet. eH could automatically disable matching when a subscription ends, but they don’t. Why not? Because maybe I’ll have a change of heart and pay up again so I can communicate with all those matches that aren’t really there? No, because it allows them to give a totally false impression of the value they are providing.

Anyone who received me as a match can easily read my profile, see the message I left behind, and close me out. I’m sure they are grateful to know. Apparently no one has complained to eH about it, since they’ve left my profile alone.
Posted 21 Jun 2008 at 3:38 pm ¶
Shar wrote:
lol, Thanks!
Posted 21 Jun 2008 at 3:58 pm ¶
eHarmony Blog wrote:
What I said as “fine print” in comment #14 is at the end of eHarmony emails, to wit:

“If you no longer wish to receive matches and Match Notification e-mails, you will need to turn your matching off. Click here to turn your matching off.”

(“Click here” points to a click-monitoring URL, which redirects to http://www.eharmony.com/singles/servlet/login?eer=17 , which after login redirects to http://www.eharmony.com/singles/servlet/mysettings/matchsettings/editmatching . It’s very intuitive, really.)

All automated eHarmony emails I have seen have instructions like this.

Except in the help system, this is THE ONLY PLACE where eHarmony advises members to turn matching off.

No screen gives specific advice that the considerate thing to do when you don’t need or can’t handle more matches is to turn matches off. Why would there be? eHarmony stops making money when its members stop wanting matches.*

Hey guys, it’s a beautiful summer saturday. What are we all doing in front of a computer?
Posted 21 Jun 2008 at 4:28 pm ¶
Shar wrote:
“ketchup on ice cream is just plain wrong.”

What toppings one chooses to put on their ice cream does not waste other peoples time, effort or money. It is a personal preference that does not infringe upon anyone else. Not turning off your matches affects others.

“What I’ve done is in the interest of science”

What a load.

“to provide an estimate that 2/3 to 3/4 of the matches received over a year’s time, are inactive!”

True scientific method takes great care to eradicate or at least minimize to the greatest extent possible any influence of a scientists bias on the possible outcomes. Your actions are clearly biasing the results. Assuming you had the education, experience and methodology to conduct a true scientific experiment, even a grade schooler could see that your deliberate actions (leaving matching on) would influence the results and make such data unusable.

Would you mind sharing the details of your experiment? I would think that gathering data from an unwitting and uncontrolled control group with whom you have no contact with and who don’t even know they are part of a scientific experiment would present quite a challenge.

“How many departing members remember to turn off their matching? Or even know that it can be turned off? Practically none, I’d bet.”

There are always going to be a certain amount of people who are lazy, unable to follow simple instructions, new to the internet, uncaring, etc even though the page you are taken to after you log in clearly displays matching “on” or “off”, in link fashion. You are being intentionally inconsiderate. You have no excuse.

“Anyone who received me as a match can easily read my profile, see the message I left behind, and close me out. I’m sure they are grateful to know. ”

No, they probably think you are the kind of person who doesn’t bother to cancel appointments or reservations they can’t keep and have an image in their mind of a guy who leaves the toilet seat up.
Posted 21 Jun 2008 at 4:52 pm ¶

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