eHarmony Blog.com
Yes here it is again, from Friday to Monday.
The last one was February 15-18, 13 weeks ago.
Paid members, get ready to nudge your matches on Friday and move them along communication during the weekend. Free members, get ready to sneak in your email address and meet the love of your life free-of-charge.
Closing a match because “I’ve already married and divorced him” 3 seconds ago
EHB, on your side – July 2010 issue 11 seconds ago
Complete list of canned 2nd questions in eHarmony 25 seconds ago
Match.com buys Singlesnet 26 seconds ago
When did eHarmony change the questionnaire? 41 seconds agoeHarmony Blog: Are we going to get a poll on this topic for how well the FCW went for us?
Does anyone have any insight as to why I’m having problems entering open communication? I’m be-bopping back and forth with a ton of matches, but as soon as I either a) send second questions, or b) answer their second questions, they’re dropping off the face of the earth. Are my questions/answers THAT bad? Or is there some sort of glitch in the system? (At least that makes me sleep better at night, thinking it’s the system). Anyone else having this problem?
PS. Thanks eHB for the comment and the suggestion to post here.
I womdered why my communications were almost double what they normally are lol.
I guess you could say mine went well 
Maxine,
There are a certain percentage of men who will start communication with every female match, just to see who “bites” and then take it from there because the reality is that there are far more women than men on eHarmony. On all the other dating sites, it’s the opposite.
I have my own set of 2nd questions that I made up myself, and I seem to do well in getting responses to them. The predetermined questions, (to me at least) seem to be totally lacking in personality.
Maxine — On most other dating sites, one has to compose a catchy conversation-starter message for each recipient to begin anything. In eHarmony the real work only begins when one has to answer his match’s 2nd questions.
For the same reason, this is also the stage where most ‘free weekend’ participants disengage.
Shar and Pyke,
Thanks for your responses.
Shar, I do make up my own questions, and usually at least one references something specific in their profile. I do that to keep them more interesting and less “I want to have your baby.” I do see your point about the seeing who bites. That makes a lot of sense.
Pyke, you may have a point about it being the first time they have to do real work because it’s definitely when they have to respond that I lose them. It seems like if I’m the one that has to ask questions first, I don’t get a response. Or if they ask questions first, I respond, and ask them questions, but they don’t respond back either.
I’m still new to eHarmony, so I guess there’s lots to learn about how the whole communication process works.
Thanks again! Even though it didn’t necessarily solve the problem, at least I have some insight!
“men who will start communication with every female match” – I think I’ve only had maybe 5-10 women initiate in the over 1000 matches I’ve been delivered. I used to play the waiting game to see if they look at my profile to know if they are active or not and back then, some would but wouldn’t initiate. Now, I just initiate with everyone that I consider even remotely in the ballpark, given how few I actually get to communicate with. Apparently, the old standard of the man asks first is the only way you’ll find out if she’s interested. I just don’t get why that’s still the case.
“On all the other dating sites, it’s the opposite” – I was on match.com for a few months and it was the same thing. Men have to initiate, in that case, the balance may favor the women but they rarely initiate (maybe 5-6 over the 2+ years my profile has been active).
My “work” begins with the first set of questions. I try to customize my answers for the first questions. Very rarely do I get 2nd questions that are personalized, so I end up recycling the same material for my answers. I tend to do my “screening” in OC, give folks a chance to express themselves more freely, so I only have slightly altered 2nd questions.
I guess for a FCW, you might want to go easy on the 2nd questions, get that e-mail address from them and weed them out once you have a way to communicate afterwards.
My FCW was really pathetic. I nudged 150+ still open matches between February and now. Maybe 3-4 woke up and closed me out. I got to OC with two but one appears to be a subscriber (she was delivered during the FCW) since she isn’t in a hurry to swap e-mails. The other didn’t bother to respond and beg to exchange e-mails, so I’m waiting to see if she was a FCW “groupie” or a subscriber.
I don’t see the point. FCW doesn’t work worth a darn. They need to do something else if the want to convert non-subscribers to subscribers and make more money, which given the article posted recently, is their goal but works out for us to get more matches to respond. I want eH’s greed for money to work for me and get me more communicative matches, darnit!
My subscription expires in June. I’m really thinking about packing up the old rod and reel and trying another pond, especially if I’m going to be shelling out $$$ given my lack of results (one date in 1.5 years). I guess I should ante up and re-take the personality test and see if that changes anything.
SingleGuy, I used to have no woman initiate with me until I rewrote my profile and, among other things, wrote this at the very end of it:
“If you like what you see, then do find out more by sending your first set of questions.”
In short, I suggest you end your profile with a Call to Action.
Being ruthless about getting the dead wood out of my matches helps a lot. I prune them quickly.
No pic = Closed. (I’m not superficial in the least. I have dated men who were anywhere from movie star handsome to guys that would make Shrek look hot. I just want a sense of who I am talking to. If they post a pic later and want to communicate, I’ll re-open. No one is so special that they can see me but I can’t see them.)
Bare Bones or half-hearted “About Me” = Closed Yeah, the five things we all need are air, food, water, sunlight and shelter. How about something unique to you?
Profiles with “I’ll tell you later” as an answer = Closed. No honey, you’re going to tell me right now. You can expound on it later, but I want to see some effort right here and now.
Over a week old and no contact = Closed. Move it or lose it.
On and on and on about your children in your profile = Closed. I love children, but I don’t want to date them. I came on eHarmony to find a grown man, no to go kid shopping. I don’t want to hear how they are “the most important thing in your life” because that tells me that you don’t know how to balance between your children and a mate. If we work out, then your children and our family unit will be the most important thing as a whole to all of us. I’m not interested in second place.
Shar,
Your message was SO on target. I am 100% the exact same way. Especially the bare bones part. That means they aren’t serious. And I agree about the “I’ll tell you later.” (by the way, I’m still chuckling at “no honey, you’re going to tell me now.”) And another one I really hate – “If I told you, then it wouldn’t be something only my best friends know.” CLOSE! I wish “based on statements made in this person’s profile, it’s obvious they are lame” was a close out option.
I do have a question though. What close out option do you use the most? I find if they live more than 30 miles away, I can easily say “distance” (even though it really isn’t an issue for me, they don’t need to know that). But what do you do if they’re in your own town?
““If you like what you see, then do find out more by sending your first set of questions.”
That’s a really good idea Pyke.
Anyone else who’s not a current subscriber have problems with the free weekend? I still got the “you must be a subscriber” message on Fri eve and Sat morning, so gave up.
“SingleGuy, I used to have no woman initiate with me until I rewrote my profile and, among other things, wrote this at the very end of it”
Pyke: I added something to my profile to that effect but I don’t think it’s going to make a difference, as its rare that a match views me before I have viewed them.
My profile has been rewritten several times with no drastic improvement, the last rewrite was extensively “woman-tested” (thanks, Shar) to eliminate any negativity, red-flags, etc. Either I’m not as handsome as I have been lead to believe or women aren’t interested in successful men that are serious about building a relationship and don’t need “fixing”.
I just spent a half-hour closing out really old non-responsive matches. Man, does that take a while. I’m not sure I want to close at two weeks, like eH suggests as I’ve gotten a few bites when FCW comes up.
Hi Maxine,
I usually use the “based on statements in this persons profile …” or “other” option.
You’re right. I wish there was a “Because you couldn’t be bothered to write a decent sentence” option.
Or “I think you are attractive, but the fact that you could be bothered to make even the slightest effort in putting together your “about me” has led me to believe that you aren’t serious about meeting an intelligent and articulate woman such as myself”.
Every time I see a “not at this time” answer attached to a bare bones “about me”, I think “Baby, it’s more like never” as I close them out.
That should have said:
COULDN’t be bothered to make even the slightest effort!
(Who are they) 
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