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“I don’t think our Must Haves and Can’t Stands fit.”

Are matches closing you out saying “I don’t think our Must Haves and Can’t Stands fit”?  Isn’t it frustrating?  Have you had enough?  Do you want to know Which Must Haves and Can’t Stands are most likely to persuade matches to move to the next communication stage?  Read on, dear friend.

On 19 July 2004, Online Dating Magazine reported the top ten Must Haves and top ten Can’t Stands chosen by men and by women who are registered in eHarmony.1  These are the most common Must Haves and Can’t Stands. Now we know what we have to do: Simply apply the list of the opposite sex in your Must Haves and Can’t Stands settings, and we’re set!  No more rejections!

Note: For your clicking convenience, we sorted these in the same order as onscreen.

Men “Must Haves”

  1. Chemistry
  2. Communicator
  3. Sense of Humor
  4. Emotionally Healthy
  5. Strong Character
  6. Kindness
  7. Affectionate
  8. Loyal
  9. Family Life
  10. Responsible

Men “Can’t Stand”

  1. Lying
  2. Infidelity
  3. Rudeness
  4. Mean Spirited
  5. Cheating
  6. Drugs
  7. Anger
  8. Depression
  9. Racist
  10. Poor Grooming

Women “Must Have’s”

  1. Chemistry
  2. Communicator
  3. Sense of Humor
  4. Emotionally Healthy
  5. Strong Character
  6. Kindness
  7. Affectionate
  8. Loyal
  9. Family Life
  10. Passionate

Women “Can’t Stand”

  1. Lying
  2. Infidelity
  3. Cheating
  4. Depression
  5. Mean Spirited
  6. Rudeness
  7. Drugs
  8. Poor Grooming
  9. Racist
  10. Anger

Good luck, and invite us to the wedding!

(Use at your own risk. eHarmony Blog is not responsible for any direct or indirect consequences of copying these lists into one’s eHarmony settings.)

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Comments 4

  1. Sharon wrote:

    This is a great blog! I learned a ton about eHarmony. I know there’s a lot of danger these days in revealing too much personal information about yourself, but I’m curious about your own stats. You don’t talk much about your own dating process, though you are obviously a web programmer or IT specialist. What age group are you in? What metro area or state? Have you ever been married? What led you to try eH? What do YOU think about eH’s odds of success compared to other dating sites and dating venues (e.g. speed dating, meeting at singles events, through friends, etc.)?

    I’m 36, live in Florida, web designer, never married, tried eH a few years ago after trying Match, Yahoo Personals and other online dating sites with little success. Found that very few eH matches seemed compatible (like one of your other posters, I was also wondering how valid those 29 Dimensions are!). Did meet one guy who seemed great on IM and on the phone. Set up a coffee date. He totally stood me up, no call or anything. He apologized online that night, saying he was stuck on a road trip, backed up in traffic for hours, no cell phone. We rescheduled. He stood me up AGAIN. No call. I wrote him a heated email, and he made an excuse that his dog ran away as he was leaving for the date, and he had to chase it down. But no call? No apology? I decided this wasn’t meant to be. One of my pet peeves is being excessively late and not calling.

    Ironically, I recently ended a 2-year relationship with a guy I had met briefly on Yahoo, then met again in a local adventure club. I didn’t realize it was the same guy until he sent me a photo a few months after we were dating, and I realized it was the photo I saw in his Yahoo ad!

    Anything can happen! Anyway, great blog and good luck out there in Dating Land.

    :-) Sharon

    [ed's note: See reply here.]

    Posted 02 Aug 2006 at 10:16 pm
  2. Sandra Maxedon wrote:

    I don’t get the “chemistry” part. Chemistry is so much a part of the whole picture, and why would someone expect it right away? I have never put chemistry on my MH list. Maybe I’m missing something here. Maybe I’m not thinking outside the box.

    Posted 10 Aug 2006 at 8:36 am
  3. Rosemarie wrote:

    The questions and answers on e harmony are so so Stupid! Also in the WHAT IF’S they ask to pick five sports I like watching. Now, I hate watching sports. I DO NOT WATCH SPORTS but e harmony doesn’t have a box to be checked foe it and since I can’t pick any of the sports because I DON’T WATCH THEM e harmony won’t let me fill out the what if’s section? Who designs these stupid ridiculous themes. Do people actually get paid to design these stupid questions answers and themes? Well then forget finding me a mate and give me that job instead. E harmony sucks big time and I really want my money back. Their rate of failure is terribly high but they don’t advertise it. E harmony is a fake rip-off organization that should be shut down. And why do they keep sending me pictures of black and Asian men when I said WHITE. I have a right to choose who I would like to date and E-harmony has NO RIGHT to try and change that。e harmony is disorganized and they do not know what they are doing. It’s time for them to fire their so called experts and destroy their computers because even their profiling is way off. Either change your staff of phony experts and forget using computers to try and match people, or get out of the business because you DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING. Be original and don’t copy from other dating services who don’t know what they are doing either. Your format needs a complete overhaul. Why don’t you have people send you their pictures and info first so that you can check it out before you put it out in the market. You don’t really care about helping anyone but yourselves and the proof is that you said I would pay 10 dollars a month for twelve months but like disgusting greedy slimy filthy pigs you took 120 dollars out of my account in one shot, even before you even had my entire questionnaire filled out! Now if by the time the year is up you do not fix things, I am going to take out space in the front page of several newspapers and EXPOSE YOU FOR THE FRAUDS YOU REALLY ARE!!!!

    Posted 18 Feb 2012 at 1:52 pm
  4. Rosemarie wrote:

    The questions and answers on e harmony are so so Stupid! Also in the WHAT IF’S they ask to pick five sports I like watching. Now, I hate watching sports. I DO NOT WATCH SPORTS but e harmony doesn’t have a box to be checked foe it and since I can’t pick any of the sports because I DON’T WATCH THEM e harmony won’t let me fill out the what if’s section? Who designs these stupid ridiculous themes. Do people actually get paid to design these stupid questions answers and themes? Well then forget finding me a mate and give me that job instead. E harmony sucks big time and I really want my money back. Their rate of failure is terribly high but they don’t advertise it. E harmony is a fake rip-off organization that should be shut down. And why do they keep sending me pictures of black and Asian men when I said WHITE. I have a right to choose who I would like to date and E-harmony has NO RIGHT to try and change that。e harmony is disorganized and they do not know what they are doing. It’s time for them to fire their so called experts and destroy their computers because even their profiling is way off. Either change your staff of phony experts and forget using computers to try and match people, or get out of the business because you DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING. Be original and don’t copy from other dating services who don’t know what they are doing either. Your format needs a complete overhaul. Why don’t you have people send you their pictures and info first so that you can check it out before you put it out in the market. You don’t really care about helping anyone but yourselves and the proof is that you said I would pay 10 dollars a month for twelve months but like disgusting greedy slimy filthy pigs you took 120 dollars out of my account in one shot, even before you even had my entire questionnaire filled out! Now if by the time the year is up you do not fix things, I am going to take out space in the front page of several newspapers and EXPOSE YOU FOR THE FRAUDS YOU REALLY ARE!!!!

    Posted 18 Feb 2012 at 1:53 pm

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