eHarmony Blog.com

Excerpted from EDGE Boston, as part of their “The Great Gay Web” series, an article by NY writer Scott Stiffler (see full, original article, dated 30 March 2008)

You’ve seen those e-Harmony ads — the ones that promise to match you with the right partner for life. But as it turns out, gays and lesbians need not apply.

e-disHarmony

In early 2007, Carlson attempted to join eHarmony.com — one of America’s most visible and successful online dating venues — but was unable to make a love connection when she discovered the site only provides heterosexual-friendly search options. … Rebuffed after sending a letter of concern, Carlson pleaded her case to the media with an eye towards the courts (describing her experience as “hurtful and disappointing”).

… Before the legal questions are further explored, however, let’s have a look at the site Carlson wanted to spend her rainbow dollars on.

Take the eHarmony.com Test!

Despite leaving numerous voice mail messages, eHarmony.com has, as the old saying goes, failed to respond to our repeated requests for an interview. Fortunately, text copied directly from their site provides more than enough rope for detractors, skeptics and fans of doublespeak. …

Every gay man should go through the eHarmony application process, if only for the sheer entertainment value of experiencing the questions — which are glaringly obvious carrots, dangled in an effort to snare marriage-minded straights. When I logged on and took their survey, I was rejected … Why? Could it be that I emphasized the importance of sex and downplayed religion, family and cuddling? Apparently, these preferences sent eHarmony’s creepy software program into a royal tizzy! …

Just as surely as its gatekeeping software ferrets out the randy, independent minded and relationship-phobic, it also green lights love-hungry, marriage-minded singles willing to somewhat alter their hopes & dreams in order to find a partner. Our sweet revenge may come as one in ten of these Warren-sanctioned relationships lead to marriages that produce queer offspring.

California, The Courts and Civil Rights

On the suit’s current status, Konecky [the plaintiff's attorney] says: “The plaintiffs have filed their motion; the court needs to decide officially if it is to be deemed a class action. There’s a hearing set to decide that issue on June 13, 2008. It involves one simple discriminatory and unlawful policy that applies to every person who would be in this class; that is, to say we’re not going to provide you our service if you are gay and lesbian.”

Konecky notes the case, and its arguments, are unique to the state in which it’s being filed (they claim eHarmony violates California’s Unruh Civil Rights Act, which prohibits discriminating based on sexual orientation). Konecky: “The case is a California wide case. The only laws we are pursuing in this particular case are the California civil rights laws. What we’re hoping is that eHarmony will get the message and change their business practices in this respect.” …

But would a California court victory against eHarmony open the floodgates for litigation against sites offering exclusive services to lesbians or gays? …

Kaminsky [a political analyst] might be unpleasantly surprised to find LGBTs surprisingly accommodating should that day arrive. An informal poll of my gay friends (many whom were admittedly drunk at the time) revealed that not a single one of them minded the thought of logging on to FeyFistingFriends.com only to see photos of respectable, chaste, young heterosexual couples taken on the campus of Southern Baptist University. In fact, most of us thought it would be a refreshingly inclusive hoot that wouldn’t impact our chances of connecting in the least.

As for that day when eHarmony demonstrates a similarly liberal attitude towards the full spectrum of sexual expression, Konecky is pessimistic that change will come unprompted: “We’ve made several overtures to them before and after the case was filed. They refused.”

Matchmaker, Matchmaker Make Me a Gay Match!

If your blood has reached the boiling point by now, consider that eHarmony is, in many respects, an aberration. Many “mainstream” dating sites allow for same-sex matching as well as options for bisexuals and the transgendered (Yahoo! Personals and Craigslist are virtual rainbows of fruit flavor).

Allison Clark [Match.com spokesperson, says]: “Since Match.com was first launched in 1995, the site has always accepted all people from every walk of life — regardless of sexual orientation.” Of Match.com’s fifteen million participants, seven percent are gay or lesbian. “Match.com welcomes all members of the LGBT community on our website,” Clark continued. “We also encourage each and every member of Match.com to be honest and represent themselves appropriately about who they are and what they’re looking for.”

Mandy Ginsberg [VP/GM of Chemistry.com, says]: “About a year and a half ago, we heard from people who were rejected from sites because they were looking for same sex relationships.” That inspired them to launch the “Come As You Are” (aka “Rejected by eHarmony”) ad campaign, which continues to be a visible presence on LGBT web sites. The campaign, which “playfully satirizes the exclusionary nature of eHarmony by depicting men and women who wonder aloud why they have been rejected by this site” hit a nerve among queer consumers and media watchdogs. …

Ginsberg: “For us, companies should be judged by their practices, not just their products. We believe in being very transparent, and this attitude has resonated.”