8 reasons why I never close eHarmony matches

8. Ask Rachel. She thinks it’s lame.

7. Many “Close Match” reason choices prove that I’ve lost my mind.

6. People out there are not getting any matches. I should be grateful. Didn’t your mum teach you this?

5. I already paid to talk to them. In Accounting it’s called a sunk cost — keeping them loses me nothing, but closing them loses me opportunities.

4. If they are non-paying members, then who’s to say they will never pay? The timing may just be wrong. I’ve had my match list for four years before I put out the cash.

3. I’m a fool to Dr. Warren. He said, “[We] want you to promise yourself that over the upcoming days and weeks you are going to reach out with an open heart to every single match [eHarmony] brings you.”1

2. I’ve kissed an scaly iguana a long time ago, and, for what it’s worth, it’s no different than kissing a cutesy turtle. I’d have an loyal, principled iguana than a self-centered, confused turtle any day. (And, I found that many iguanas are also good cooks! Yum!)

1. If the questionnaire indeed works, then these people are kindred spirits — people who feel and think the way we do — and are diamond-in-the-rough best friends and buddies. I’m not shunning someone I share a lot of traits with because this person happens to want to marry a neat-freak and I am not one.

So you see, closing matches make no sense at all.

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Comments 14

  1. emmie wrote:

    Does it make any difference to the number of new matches you receive daily? Does having too many matches deter you from getting new ones?

    Posted 18 Nov 2007 at 10:32 pm
  2. eHarmony Blog wrote:

    No it doesn’t emmie. Experience also shows that being paid or not doesn’t either. What is known to affect the number of new matches is your date of last “activity” on the site.

    Posted 20 Nov 2007 at 11:01 pm
  3. Patrick wrote:

    Ok, so it just takes one to be a success. However, as of May 1, 2008, I have 486 “closed” matches, 68 in communication mode, with many that are waiting for their answers. I am actually communicated with about 6 matches at the moment, and I have 12 new matches in the que. So I have been doing this for two months now, and I have only had a meeting with one match on two separate occasions. I have spent numerous hours upon hours with answering questions, writing messages, emails, and I am proud to say to have phone discussions with 8 matches. I am not completely agains eH for assisting me with at least phone calls. However, for the time I have invested in this process with over 500 matches with still no success in even dating someone seriously, I am sure I would do much better at the bars in town if I were to talk to that many ladies.

    For one thing, everyone is simply too busy to meet. Why are people on this system with no intention to meet. The key is the photos, everyone must have a physical attraction. I don’t see Brad Pitt on eH. If I put a model’s photo in place of mine, I am sure to get all sorts of attention. Please be honest, online dating is about the PHOTOS and how attractive the person is in the photo.

    Posted 01 May 2008 at 6:31 pm
  4. Scott Grey wrote:

    Patrick, I said the same things you did.

    And, yes, some women are too overscheduled to meet guys. But, as I got better at this “game”, I learned that when women got more enthusiastic about meeting me, they made time. And when they weren’t too enthused… they never had any time.

    Photos count for something… but I’ve found that 6′s and 7′s (on the famous 10 scale) have an easier time than 8′s and above. (At 8, women start to get scared.) I’ve also heard rumors that one guy, as a research project, posted a model’s picture, and noticed little difference. (Although, being a friend-of-a-friend legend, I’d never know who it was. Or even if it’s just urban legend.)

    And, in my opinion, most guys can get to a 6 by improving their hygiene and style. Yes, it’s so anti-eHarmony to say this… but a guy who doesn’t look like he takes care of himself will get very few women to take a look at his inner qualities. Sad, but true.

    Posted 02 May 2008 at 10:02 am
  5. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    Originally, I was with eHB on this one but I’ve changed my mind. In my sample of the global match pool, I never saw open matches “come back from the dead” after nudging, etc.

    I have decided that being more decisive is in order, both in deciding who to communicate with initially (admit to yourself, some of those matches, you aren’t really interested in) and on the back end. Wishful thinking isn’t going to get them to subscribe and communicate. Time to move on. If you are holding onto matches because you aren’t getting enough, I would advocate trying something different with your profile/settings.

    I’m going to try to follow a strict no communication in a total of two weeks (one week + one nudge, since the on hold trick is gone) and you get closed regimen. I’m closing them with “This match never responded to my request to communicate”. If they become a subscriber or change their mind, you definitely have the opportunity to re-open with that option and it lets them know they missed a good opportunity. It also gets them off my horizon of hot prospects and puts them in the cold closed file and out of sight.

    I believe that Scott Grey has mentioned this strategy or something similar either here on on his blog.

    Posted 06 Sep 2008 at 1:37 pm
  6. eharmonyblog wrote:

    Last May eHarmony Blog made a feature request that eHarmony pose deadlines to respond.

    Posted 06 Sep 2008 at 9:48 pm
  7. john wrote:

    I have been on eH for about a week now and have only had 4 matches and 3 that i closed and all on the first day i signed up!… when do i get more matches!? geez money down the drain!

    Posted 20 Jan 2009 at 8:00 pm
  8. LOOKINGAGAIN wrote:

    I do not understand some of these folk on EH. Good communication for the first then nothing or one who gave a nudge then closed match. The men who state “request my photo” never give it. I am becoming discouraged although
    reading some of these posts is giving me a little insight.

    Posted 08 Feb 2009 at 9:36 am
  9. AM wrote:

    eHarmony uses various algorithms to match you with someone. The only way that these algorithms are going to work is for you to TEACH them. You have to close matches and tell eHarmony why or why not you felt someone’s profile or appearance wasn’t attractive. Yes I’ve closed around 150 Matches in just my first month, but I’m communicating with 8 people and have a good chance at going on 2-5 dates in the real near future. Also answer the questions on why you like or don’t like someone – you have to do it in order to expedite the search process and get eHarmony working for you.

    Posted 16 Feb 2009 at 7:05 pm
  10. Anonymous wrote:

    jimm wight…………I am sooo soooooooooo in love with you

    Posted 23 Jan 2010 at 12:41 pm
  11. Ian wrote:

    HI I live in Northern Ireland- when the searches are made the computer thinks I live in Wales. What do I do?

    Desperately seeking Sus.anyone

    Posted 18 Feb 2010 at 9:46 am
  12. xeh wrote:

    Ian. Go to your match settings and look at YOUR location and search area. Is your billing address in Wales? Make sure all of your information is correct, IF it is and you’re still getting matches, contact eh, there’s something wrong somewhere.

    Posted 12 Mar 2010 at 9:35 am
  13. amy wrote:

    I am a tall, attractive female and I get about 9-10 matches a day…I will close on any man that doesn’t try to communicate with me within the first 24 hours of seeing my profile or being matched with me. If a man isn’t interested in contacting you right away, they will NEVER be interested in you. So cut the ties early and get rid of them. I count my closed matches everyday ;)

    I also DO NOT contact men that I am matched with…men like to be the hunters ladies…not desperate women trying to contact men.

    Posted 31 Dec 2011 at 7:53 am
  14. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    amy:
    What if I happen to not check my matches that day? You just lost out on a potential match.

    You are the exception. You are already a “winner” in real life being tall and attractive and probably don’t even need to look online for a mate. You are probably going to miss out on the one that you really want to find by doing this and end up dating more “players” you were trying to avoid by going online in the first place. Also, you are forgetting that not everyone is a subscriber, so it may take them a while to get around to subscribing and communicating with you.

    Humans are a creature of habit and we don’t look outside ourselves to see the errors of our ways.

    Knowing what us fellow males do, if I were a woman, I would just let them sit in my “inbox” and ignore them until they contact me later, then great, otherwise, prune them in a few weeks.

    “Men like to be hunters”. Another failure to step outside the box. It takes a second to send first questions. If you are genuinely interested, you should do that. Women fall for the old trap and persist some ancient ritual despite holding these new “independent and liberated” notions. That is your loss and thus the “there are no good men” saying persists. :)

    Posted 01 Jan 2012 at 11:00 am

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