eHarmony Blog.com

At any point, even during Open Communication, your match can put the communication “on Hold”. There are two key things about this feature:

• When you put someone on hold, there are only two things he or she can do: wait, or close the match.
• Starting from the “My Matches” screen, it takes FOUR mouse clicks to put EACH match on hold. (eHarmony will win no awards in the ‘user-friendly’ category.) A person needs an extraordinary amount of patience to put several matches on hold in one sitting.

To hold the communication, he or she has to pick one reason among a list, so often, the chosen reason is not the REAL reason. What’s really going on? On this post, let’s discuss them.

Reason #1. “I’m pursuing another match at this time, but may be interested in communicating more in the future.”

Translation: (1) He met someone he likes, and (2) he now senses that his dating schedule is full. That’s why he signed in today: to inform his other prospects that he is out of circulation.

Is he in a relationship now? Maybe…, maybe not.

Is he in an exclusive relationship now? Maybe…, maybe not, either.

The better question to ask is:

Do I want to be “second choice”?

“I’ve gotten kind of intolerant of being put on a back burner.” — Will

Go ahead and disagree with me, but the world doesn’t revolve around you. You are not the best thing the world has ever seen. People of the opposite sex do not owe you any priority. Go ahead and disagree with me, but I say get off your high horse.

And even if someone is WITH their “first choice” there is always those moments that that “first choice” would annoy or give doubt. Why, oh why, put a big deal about being second choice?

He could have closed

In addition to putting no big deal out of being put on hold, remember that your match didn’t have to do this. Many other matches just fall off the face of the earth. Most likely, he has dozens of other matches, and most likely, he clicked the mouse 4x on no more than five of them, including you.

Here you have one guy who took a moment, instead of the faster “I’m pursuing another relationship” close, because he likes you. What would you call that?

Reason #2. “I’m taking a break from my search for a while, but may be interested in communicating more in the future.”

Translation: Her subscription is expiring or has expired.

This reason and the next two sometimes create two reactions:

Then why are you still paying a dating site?

Why? Because eHarmony subscriptions come in 1-, 3-, 6- or 12- month chunks, plus whatever extensions the eH, Inc. gives. Very often, a member enters a long-term commitment with someone even while her eHarmony membership is paid up until June.

Then why are you still receiving matches?

There are two explanations to this.

1. Call it plain ignorance. No screen gives specific advice that the considerate thing to do when you don’t need or can’t handle more matches is to turn matches off. Why would there be? eHarmony stops making money when its members stop wanting matches.

2. It is easier and more satisfying to keep collecting matches until one finds oneself in a long-term committed relationship. It serves the ego and dating is less frightening when one is aware that there are ‘dozens of fellows waiting for me’. This explains why Will (above) can say such things.

Reason #3. “I’m just not sure right now, but may be interested in communicating more in the future.”

Translation: Either (a) his subscription is expiring or has expired, or (b) he has gone out of his mind. I’m sorry, but this is really nonsense.

Reason #4. “I’m going to be unavailable or away from my email for a while.”

Translation: She is going on a trip and you are one of three to five matches that she is actively communicating with. Unless she meets a guy she likes while she is away, she will resume communication.

Why three to five? Since it takes four mouse clicks to put each match on hold, I bet no one has the patience to inform more than five matches.

How later? Beats me. I would think, longer than her usual response time, i.e., if she took 5 days to send her Must Haves List, this time will be longer.

…or she forgets

Hey, people forget the day of the month they started their gym membership, newspaper subscription or even their parents’ birthdays. Be not surprised if their subscription expired before they remember to get back at you.

Reason #5. “You have not responded to my communication in a timely manner.”

Translation: He wants a girlfriend as soon as possible.

If you receive this reason, sorry, my friend. You’ve been hit by one of the oldest and worst design flaws of eHarmony’s Guided Communication process. See If a match isn’t responding, don’t put him on Hold. He’s saying that you haven’t replied, so he cuts off communication entirely.

The only way out of this mess, if you still care about this guy, is to call eHarmony Customer Service and ask them to send him a note.

Reason #6. “Because there are no photos posted/I couldn’t see any photos.”

Translation: She’s a shallow person who demands that you forget your personal preference regarding photo sharing, change your settings to “Match by Match” basis, and then share your photos to her. Because the communication is cut off, her demands are non-negotiable. She feels she is really that special.

Reason #7. “Because your About Me answers are not complete”

Translation: Yours is among the most boring profiles he has seen, and, because he has enough matches, he has no patience to go through the communication process to ask you about things that should have been answered in the profile in the first place.

Reason #8. “Because your About Me answers were too vague”

Translation: She is no superficial person, who wants to know you from the inside out. Right now, she can’t make a decision whether to respond or go further or not based on your answers. Because the communication is cut off, her demands are non-negotiable. She feels she is really that special.

Reason #9. “Other”

Translations:

• “My subscription is expiring, and renewing it is not something I want to do.”
• “I’ll respond during the next Free Communication Weekend.”
• “I’m playing with your mind, attempting to create intrigue.”

Can you add more?

In conclusion

I hope I gave you more possibilities beyond the stoic reasons that eHarmony presents us. I hope I gave assurance that your matches aren’t as crazy as you think. In any case, it’s up to you whether to keep the door open when your match comes back.