I remember reading a book about how to understand women. This article can be a page of that book. 
To assist you in finding your soul mate, we have developed a translation guide for navigating the treacherous waters of online dating. The guide, a veritable Rosetta stone of female tautologies, is a cipher of the mysterious adjectives and circumspect phrases women use to flatter themselves in self-penned ads. It is an essential crib sheet for popular dating Web sites that boast some of the largest online databases of fictional characters.
“If not with a dramatic black and white portrait of herself and references to Elvis Costello,” you might ask, “how else can a woman convey that she is deep and artistic?”
Read on, gentle reader. Read on.
About me:
“I’m not into the bar scene/mind games.”
Translation: This is a common typo that arises in such fonts as Arial and Century Gothic. Delete “not”.
My ideal mate:
“I am confident, open-minded, passionate, affectionate, honest, loyal and looking for same.”
Translation: It’s not clear what this means, but incidentally, these are also good qualities to look for when shopping for a puppy.
In my free time I enjoy:
“Working out and spending time with my family.”
Translation: “My life jumped the shark about four years ago.”
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