eHarmony Blog.comHalf of the time, the reasons people give to “close communication” leave us ruffled and baffled. “Then why on earth are you still logging into the site?! Giggles?!”
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The ineffectiveness of speed dating and why you should not pay for a dating service 1 minute, 46 seconds agoThe reasons for closing are ridiculous. Sometimes I just want to scream..not a good trait to display to any potential match! Sending Final Message is so unfulfilling. As an educator and social scientist, I want to tell eHarmony to join the world of real people with real feelings. For goodness’ sake, don’t send me anymore married, unavailable for whatever reason, money-oriented, bragging, mother dependent, rigid, or dead (yes!) men.
I had an account with you in the past, please let me know how to rejoin or where my old profile is?
I can understand the “pursuing another relationship” or the I am not interested in you “I want to pursue other matches.” I don’t think I will ever understand the “not ready for the next step” or the “taking a break.” What the heck are you doing spending money to join an online dating site if you are not ready to date or dating so much you need to stop? This makes no sense.
I am totally with Jason… it doesn’t make sense at all!!! If you are pursuing another relationship… why are you still receiving matches?? You can turn that off and on, even if you can’t delete your profile!!! And the final message thing: they obviously don’t want to know what you have to say or they wouldn’t have closed communication!!!!
Although this was not a choice for voting, for me, it is: “I think the physical distance between us is too great.”
Why in the world do you have yourself set up to accept matches that far away if you know that it’s too great a distance?
The craziest reason I’ve ever gotten is chosing all the reasons on the list! How mad is that?
Although I realize that the distance thing seems like a lousy reason for not pursuing a relationship, it’s not always the fault of the person on eHarmony. As far as I can tell – at least as of when I created my profile, 30 miles was the closest maximum distance you could select.
For me, I work almost an hour and a half west of where I live. If I select a 30 mile radius from my house and my date lives 30 miles east of there, I just don’t see it working (well, at least).
Now, I have been closed for the distance reason by someone who lived just up the street(?). I do wish people would be honest about why they are closing a connection, and do it as soon in the “relationship” as they know they aren’t interested. (Note to self: I may have to rethink listing “psychopathic stalker” as my career goal.)
You left out the most obvious choice- “I Don’t Feel The Chemistry Is There”. I had gotten this one a few times, even though I never got to open communication with the match. IMO, Chemistry is all about how well you interact with somebody in a real time conversation either in person or by phone. How can you choose that if you’ve never spoken to the person ?
I’m going to defend the “physical distance” somewhat. Your choices are a mileage range (300 for me originally, however I visit Tennesee, 300 miles south but never Michigan, 300 miles north. So I might close out the MI but not the Tennesee. Or you can pick states, but a state like Kentucky is as close as 60 miles away or as far as 400. I don’t understand why people close everyone out the minute they see someone else twice. I had one lady I talked to in person a couple of times, met for coffee, and called a couple of times. She couldn’t be bothered to return my call and say thanks but no thanks, I find a “closed” from her with “no chemistry”. Isn’t it OK if someone you meet on eH becomes a friend rather than a lover.
I’m completely new to online dating and so far find it quite frustrating. I’ve been on Eharmony for about a week and already 3 “matches” have closed me, and all 3 left “Other” as the reason.
I think “Other” is by far the most irritating of all of them. At least give me some clue! I even posted a picture. I’m no Brad Pitt but I’m at least decent-looking. My profile is complete, and there’s nothing offensive in it.
Does anyone have any insight? Maybe closing and giving no reason is common practice that I’m not aware of..
Jay, get used to it, but at least they used the system to “close” things off. Many matches just sit there and never respond. Others you will move through the communication stages with and then things will just stop at various points along the path and you will never hear from them again. They will not put you on “hold” or “close” off communication. Yet, the ones that are most “irritating,” to use your word, are when you get to open communication or actually talk with them on the phone and then never hear from again and they never “close” things off. So, be glad that they are at least giving you closure, no matter how lame or how early it comes in the process.
Jay, the reason they have the ‘other’ option is for people who can’t stand to say what they mean. You don’t want to hurt their feelings and say ‘I don’t think you’re interesting at all’ or ‘ your profile scarred me for life’ so they pick other and leave it at that. Annoying as hell though. You should just say what you mean… or why do you buy into the whole ‘open communcation’ thing from eharmony?
What closing reason would a guy prefer to hear? I get a match requesting communication from someone who’s passionate about fishing and hunting and my profile says I’m a vegetarian who loves animals – what’s the best way to end it? I dislike the “other” option too but is honesty what you really want? Or would you prefer something that tells you “Its not you, its me.” like “I’m taking a break from dating.” Would love to hear what guys want.
Diana:
Honesty is the best policy but it’s hard to convey it the way eH is setup. Having been closed many, many times…if nothing else than for some variety, anything but other works better.
“The difference in our values is too great” sounds appropriate for this situation. You can select multiple reasons, too, if it helps. I think that with that one, he’ll get the message.
I hate “other” and the lazy people who can’t take one lousy extra second to pick something else. If you think about it, there are usually a several reasons one could pick over “other”.
Anyhow, the bottom line is one just has to take it in stride and move on to the next match and that’s why they don’t offer an open text field. I doubt people would use it, given how few bother to answer questions using the optional text field or use custom second questions.
I have 30 open matches on my list right now that I’m not interested in. In fact, I don’t even know why I”m not interested in them other than the fact that they have been in my Open list for over a week and I have not sent them any communication.
Do you think I could actually go through this list, evaluate why I want to close the communication, and pick a thoughtful ‘Close’ message from that list? Give me a break. I’d rather do my taxes. I pick ‘Other’ because it is closest to the bottom of the button that I have to click to close it. Don’t take it so personal. I’m just trying to get through the day and still have left to get other stuff done.
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