eHarmony Blog.com

Once in a while you’ll meet a guy (rarely a girl) in eHarmony who races you through guided communication, exchanges email addresses with you within the first messages in Open Communication (OC), then disappears. Yes, Virginia, you’ve been matched with a eHarmony Fiend.

eHarmony Fiends

eHarmony Fiends are members who run contests with each other (or with themselves) over how fast and how often they can retrieve the email address or phone number of their matches. To fiends, getting a phone number is called a “phone close”, and bringing a match to OC is called an “OC close.”

How to identify eHarmony Fiends

• The Fiend Profile. While an average profile has a few answers missing or vague (“I’ll tell you when you become my best friend.”) and with little intriguing bits, a Fiend Profile is complete, well-polished, and has innumerable items that catch attention and entice you to inquire.
• Photos. One glamour photo. One photo showing your match doing something intriguing or funny. No shots at an office party.
• Fiend Stage 1 Answers. No A to D answers, all are fill-in-the-blank. Most answers are confident and written to catch attention and entice you to ask for more.
• Fiend Stage 3 Questions. Fiends either ask three custom questions, or ask questions that are already covered in the About Me page, e.g., “What are you looking for in a partner?” The best clue are custom questions that do not show they have read your profile.
• Fiend Response Times. Fiends respond within minutes, or during unholy times of the day or week.
• Fiend Open Communication. Fiend OC has no small talk or winded essays. Fiends do not ask, “How are things going?” Fiends immediately signify intent, and then ask to exchange email or phone numbers.

How to foil eHarmony Fiends

Is he for real? Or are you just another notch in your match’s scores and statistics? There are simple ways or ideas to find out:

1. Slow down! Pace your responses across a day or a few days. This is the best medicine against getting crazy, anxious or eager about individual guys. It’s also good for the heart.
2. Ask hard questions, expect real answers. If all his answers spell perfection, then he is too good to be true. Ask questions that reveal his flaws. If he keeps dodging those, close the match.
3. Be intriguing, too. If you find him intriguing, be intriguing back. If he obviously enjoys the chase, then enjoy the chase with him.
4. Don’t say, “I’m uncomfortable,” anywhere during OC. Be confident, girl! There are a lot of other great men out there.
5. Continue communicating in OC even after he gave you his number or email address, or even after you call him.
6. Don’t say, “Let’s continue our conversation here if it’s okay with you.” You don’t need permission, dear — just go ahead.
7. Something to try: When asked for your phone number, ask for his number instead. A sincere guy will give it right away.