eHarmony Blog.com

As a follow-up to this month’s poll asking whether unpaid members are time-wasters, I’d like to write about another eHarmony time-waster: Moving from Open Communication to Instant Messaging.

First, here’s where I am. I’m a 27 year old woman with my own workstation at work, and a desktop PC at home. I’m online when at work, I’m doing email, online errands, online shopping or reading up on something important. Yes, that’s a lot of hours within a week. Yes, I have a “friends list”, and, yes, I feel a sense of belonging when my old coworkers, students and business contacts show up in my ‘online’ list and we chat and catch up every few months.

However, if you’re my eHarmony match and you ask me to “continue” our conversation in Yahoo Messenger or MSN, I lose all my interest. Yes I do. Why is it a death wish?

1. Instant Messaging (IM) is worst in keeping one focused on another person. I don’t know about you, but this is a requirement in getting to know someone. Chat puts us in the middle of many distractions.
2. IM typing is snail slow. I can cover more ground in a seven-minute phone conversation than a two-hour chat session. The delay completely douses any interest I have in meeting someone I like.
3. An Associated Press study showed two weeks ago what I’ve known all along: People use IM to avoid mortifying face-to-face confrontations. (Source: CNN) Look, Jack, you’re supposed to be putting yourself out there, why cower and hide?

I totally agree with Dvorak who wrote:

While chat is supposed to be efficient it is, in fact, just the opposite. … Most chats are vacuous and lengthy. But the worst part about chat, especially casual chatting, is that it’s a time killer. It seems to go like this:

START TIME 10:00 AM
John: Hi!
Jerry: Hi!
John: How are you today?
Jerry: Good, u?
John: Busy. I have all these reports to read.
Jerry: Funny, me too!
John: How is the wife?
Jerry: She is great, thanks.
John: Gotta go.
Jerry: Ok. See you later.
John: Bye.
Jerry: Bye.
END TIME: 11:45 AM

Where is Einstein when we need him? There is no way that time can move any faster than it does during chat sessions. The basic problem with chat is the latency combined with the baud rate of the typists. It’s far slower than voice chatting. The other problem is that the section of the brain that handles typing and thinking about what you are typing is very pensive.

While it’s supposed to be casual communication, it is not. Chat-typing… is a slow, arduous process compared with talking. The things you say are different and considered. People use the backspace bar a lot. They edit their thoughts. If things are not presented correctly it is easy to misinterpret them. There are no vocal cues, such as laughing, so people can’t tell if you are being light-hearted or mean-spirited. (Source: PC Magazine)

Indeed I find no sense in continuing a promising Open Communication to the vacuous deathtrap called IM. How many chat sessions do you want, guy, before you grow the guts to pick up the phone, like a normal person? It’s telling me that you’re not serious in finding a partner.

I put IM in the same category as SMS (text messaging) and, in real life, leaving a note. For a quick question, a quick FYI, or arranging a get-together, IM is great. If you want to get to know me as a person, then ask my number, pick up the phone and call!