eHarmony Blog.com

The 250-item eHarmony Compatibility Matching System is eHarmony’s HAL 9000. The idea of eHarmony is, you let a computer set you up with prospective marital partners. All you gotta do is answer HAL 9000′s questionnaire. Finding a marital partner is a major effort, and some of the questions can be tricky, so I wrote this tipsheet for you to answer the questionnaire most effectively.

The questionnaire records around 35 aspects of your identity using a mathematical technique called “statistical sampling.” For example, questions measuring Dominance appear three times during the 250-item test. Using these three replies, the system gives a Dominance score and assesses them to say whether the Dominance score is valid and reliable. The values are those bar graphs on TV.

eHarmony matches people using a mathematical technique called “multivariate statistics.” For example, if eHarmony’s belief or previous research shows that males Dominance=6 and females Dominance=2, as couples, reported a high mutual satisfaction in surveys, the software gives a pair of members with those Dominance scores a higher satisfaction score. When the accumulated satisfaction scores for this pair of members exceeds a threshold, the software creates a match. Of course, this explanation is simplified — eHarmony won’t reveal their secret sauce.

We won’t be teaching you how to lie to the questionnaire, or how to avoid getting rejected. Later you’ll see why.

Test basics:

• You cannot skip questions, and once you submitted the page, you can’t go back.
• Unless I say so below, your answers are permanent. To change it you have to retake the whole test.
• If you’re interrupted, you can resume the questionnaire by signing back in.
• eHarmony may have rearranged the questions and sections since I wrote this article. The order and arrangement doesn’t matter.
• Essay questions. The questionnaire has three essay questions that will be part of the profile shown to your matches. I recommend you just enter placeholder text (like dots or random letters) for now and return to them later, after the test and a good rest.
  • With a fresh mind, your essay answers will be better and more attractive to your matches. Your answers to these three will not affect your scores, dimensions or the matches you get. I promise you that the eHarmony software cannot understand essays.

The Home page. Registration starts on eHarmony’s home page.

The site allows pseudonyms and aliases. In my experience, nearly everyone gave ordinary names, so standing out may or may not be an advantage.

• Do I register on eHarmony.com or on eHarmony.ca? Answer: Which do you think is growing stronger, the US or the Canadian dollar? See this post about the Pitcairn Islands.
• Make sure your first name is correct and, preferably, in mixed case, or how you want it. If you make a mistake you have to contact Customer Service to request them to change it.
• Will someone earn a referral fee because you registered? Read more on the affiliate programme and user tracking if you like.

Section 1. General Information. You begin by giving some basic demographic information about you.

• Unlike most of the remainder of the questionnaire, you can change your answers to anything here later when you’re already a member in your “Match Settings” page. Here, everything except your (a) birthdate, (b) marital status, (c) number of times you married (d) income, and (e) the physical appearance and attractiveness ratings can be changed.
• eHarmony rejects (a) those below 20, (b) those who are married or separated, and (c) those married more than thrice below the age of 60. If you are any of these, all you will be getting after the exercise is a 5-page personality profile.
• eHarmony doesn’t match on income.
• eHarmony doesn’t match on occupations.
• Appearance is one of the 29 dimensions. Your answer to “how importance is appearance” is permanent.

eHarmony won’t tell you you’re rejected until you finish the questionnaire.

Section 2. Personal Beliefs. Here you pick your religion and religious matching preferences.

• You can change all your answers to anything here later when you’re already a member. See Match Settings.
• Members do not see your denomination, but members can limit the denomination they receive.
• Spirituality is one of the 29 dimensions. The “how spiritual are you?” question is asked in the next section.

Section 3. About You. You rate from 1 to 7 how well each a list of statements apply to you.

• Sections 3 to 5 measure most of the 29 dimensions.

Section 4. Self-Descriptions. You rate from 1 to 7 how well each of a long list of adjectives describes you. There are three pages (screens) of these.

Yes, many items are synonyms. Synonyms are one way to see that you aren’t clicking randomly or lying.

• Understand what’s being asked:
  • Agreeable means “pleasing” as well as “conformable.”1
  • Liberal means “nontraditional” or “broad-minded” as well as “generous.”2
  • Resilient means “flexible.”3
  • Conservative means “traditional” as well as “cautious and moderated.”4
  • Self-aware is realisation of one’s own traits.5
  • Vivacious means “lively.”6
  • Irritable means “having a bad temper.”7
  • Restless means “showing nervous tension” and “uneasy.”8
• The last question asks you to pick the top four from a list of around 3 dozen adjectives. eHarmony shows your choices to your matches, and, for this one, you can change your choices later when you’re already a member.
  • Do your choices here fine-tune the matching algorithm? Does choosing “Outgoing” boost your Sociability dimension for future matches until you pick another answer? I don’t know.
• Sections 3 to 5 measure most of the 29 dimensions.

Section 5. Personal Characteristics. You rate from 1 to 7 how well each a list of statements apply to you. There are two pages for this section.

• Is there a difference between this and section 3? Maybe, but I don’t see it.
• A few dimensions, such as Curiosity, Artistic Passion and Sexual Passion, are asked only in this section and nowhere else, so watch out.
• Sections 3 to 5 measure most of the 29 dimensions.

Section 6. About Your Feelings. Rate from 1 to 7 how often during the past month you felt in each of a list of emotions.

Pretend here and you KNOW how to ace this section. But that’s not the point, right?

• “Try not to over-analyze! Your first impulse is usually the correct answer.”

Section 7. Important Qualities. Rate from 1 to 7 how important each of a list of characteristics would be to you in finding a partner. There are two pages to this section.

Section 7 permanently sets how diverse are the personalities of the matches you get.

• Answer how important the compatibility on the characteristic is for you. For example, put 7 on “energy level” because you want you and your match to have compatible energy levels, NOT because you want him to be level-7 energetic.
• If you set them all high, you will be matched with very similar men or women. In the worst case, all profiles would start sounding the same. In the best case, if you meet Match A, someone you really really like, but you and she don’t work out, then — good news — Match B is her twin.
• If you set them all low, you will receive a lot more matches (within the daily limit), and you’re going to separate the chaff from the grain yourself. Consequently, you will receive a lot more closures and misses, unless you take on the challenge of writing a profile that can intrigue a wide variety of personalities.
• You cannot change your answers here unless you retake the test. Thus, for section 7, my advice is: err on the higher rating. In other words, let the system work harder on finding you someone compatible in more areas.

The last question is “Three things you are most thankful for.” Read our tip in the ‘Test basics’ section above.

Section 8. About Your Personality. This section is a list of true-or-false questions. I may say this is the trickiest section of the test because many questions use absolute words. For example, for “I dislike some people,” do you have enough Kindness to say false?

• This tricky section measures many of the 29 dimensions.

Section 9. Your Personal Interests. You rate your interest in a couple of dozen subjects.

• Until late last year, if you and your match have common interests, eHarmony lists up to five of them on his or her profile page. I have never seen this on my 2007 matches. Today there is no proof either way whether eHarmony matches on personal interests or not.
• Some personal interests, e.g., “Religious Faith,” “Resolving conflict” and “Socializing,” may affect some of your 29 dimension scores.
• Is “Resolving conflict” a personal interest? Only in eHarmony, my dear!

There are two essay questions here: “What are you most passionate about?” and “Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?” Read our tip in the ‘Test basics’ section above.

Section 10. Living Skills. Here you pick the top three from a list of around 18 abilities. eHarmony shows your choices to your matches, and, for this one, you can change your choices later when you’re already a member. See Match Settings.

• Do your choices here fine-tune the matching algorithm? Does choosing “Keeping physically fit” boost your Physical Energy dimension for future matches until you pick another choice? I don’t know.

Section 11. Matching Information. Here you configure your remaining Match Settings. You can change any of your answers here after the test in your Match Settings page.

Section 12. Photos. After the upgrade in early October called “Photo Max”, eHarmony now lets you upload up to 12 photos. eHarmony has a photo policy written out, and some photos are declined. The Internet has a lot of tips regarding selecting photos for online dating profiles, so I won’t cover them here.

• Are you an eHarmony passer or a reject? It make no sense uploading photos when you don’t even know yet, right?

eHarmony has at least two official articles of advice regarding photos:

• eHarmony Advice: Your Profile Photo Is Worth a Thousand Words
• eHarmony Advice: Posting Better Photos

The verdict. eHarmony will then decide whether it deems it can help you find a satisfying relationship. If it does, it will show you your first set of matches. Good luck!

Thank you for reading my tipsheet. I hope you found this article useful.

Related questions

Is it 250 or 436?

The current version of the questionnaire has exactly 250 questions, including over 200 personality-trait questions, the 5 questions whose answers are shown to your matches, and around a dozen demographical questions like height, marital status, number of kids, and how often you smoke. You may have read somewhere else that there are 436 questions. That was the old version. eHarmony transitioned into a new version late last year, without explanation or announcement. Only blogs like eHarmony Blog reported it.

We noted before that the 250-item version no longer measures Family Background, one of the advertised 29 dimensions.

Can I reverse-engineer the questionnaire to find my ideal woman?

I say don’t do it. Few people realise that, when you use eHarmony, you are using the findings of several academic research projects that investigated what makes up a fulfilling marital relationship. The more you manipulate your traits so that you meet women whom you think you’d be happy with, the more you choose to ignore the research findings of several academics, counselors and other professionals who do this for a living. Ask yourself this: you’ve found your ideal woman, but are you the ideal man for her?

In other words, eHarmony believes each of your matches will have a satisfying relationship with one person, but that person isn’t you!

My matches are really bad. Any suggestions?

A suggestion? It’s human nature to want what we can’t have or be attracted to those who will do us no good. Your matches may be off-the-chart of whom you usually find attractive — but the key is to have an open mind and an open heart. The email “What to Expect from eHarmony” says more.

My matches are really really bad. Where can I gripe?

Why, here at eHarmony Blog, of course!

Meanwhile, you can retake the test. For example, you may have inadvertedly given the site the impression that you’re a bible banger, looking for fundies. I know how that feels! It may be best to start all over.

Can I retake or restart the test?

Sure. See this post.

Do you have a copy of the questionnaire?

Of course, but publishing it would ruin the fun, wouldn’t it?

How much time will the questionnaire take?

A self-aware person can finish it in 25 minutes. It depends on how fast you rate yourself “aggressive” and so forth.

Got any tips to finish the test faster?

Tip #1. Use a mouse with a scroll wheel.

Tip #2. Type gibberish on ALL the fill-in-the-blank questions (except your first name!). Yes, all! You can go in and improve them later. It will not affect your dimension scores, and until you request matches and find some, no one will see what you typed.

Tip #3. Print your answers before moving to the next page. It will be easier to spot the synonyms. I mean, if you already spent a minute rating how Dominant you are, why spend another minute on Bossy — because it’s the same thing, right?

Will I see my scores or my matches’ scores?

No, and I agree with eHarmony not letting us see our scores. It’s more fun discovering our matches’ traits and compatibility through interaction and conversation.