Regardless, to finish the previous post, some the questions posed to me by this discussion include:

1. How many married people use eHarmony for reasons such as infidelity with or without the intention of leaving their spouse? Lots of people “wing walk” from relationship to relationship and this seems to be the perfect vehicle for that type of activity.

2. How man “divorces” are created by eHarmony by the activity described above? There are three classes of people that can use eHarmony: single, divorced, and married. I’m simply interested in how many marriages were created out of divorces caused by activity on eHarmony and other dating services.

3. How many people post a profile on eHarmony just to punish their spouse or significant other? You man think this is strange, but I know a woman who did that to her husband to simply torment him. Shame on her is about all I can say about that incident. In my opinion, it was cruel.

4. Oh, and how many divorces occur because one spouse or the other found out that the other is using eHarmony to search for whatever their heart desires? You don’t see commercials stating, “Hi, I married Jim, my perfect match, after finding him on this or that dating site, and divorcing my husband!”

Finally, what are the ethics of all of this activity? Obviously one can use such services in an honest and sincere way and possibly meet someone they can have a lasting relationship with, whether it results in marriage or not. Also, the darker side of humanity can arise out of the veil of secrecy offered by the internet and wreak havoc on people’s lives. I am not against these types of services; I believe they offer a valid means of meeting like-minded people, if used correctly, and I consider that a good thing, even a wonderful benefit of technology. However, I can’t help but wonder about the dreams lost and workable relationships that end because of the human desire of greener pastures on the other side. I think I will pass on the opportunity because I believe the bad outweighs the good, otherwise the statistics would reveal more favorable outcomes, right?

Oh, and please excuse any spelling errors in the first post. It is early, and I didn’t have the time to use the “technology” available to “correct” those issues. Come to think of it, maybe those errors were created BY the technology because it leads one to become somewhat lazy and dependant upon it these days. My bad.

Given those circumstances, there are some questions posed in my mind that can skew the results of all the data collection and constructed reations of success or failure beyond mere data manipulation to prove one’s own desired outcome, such as:

I believe that, despite this bogus figure, their paper does touch upon some places where I feel eHarmony is being irresponsible.

They don’t advertise what they REALLY are – a way to meet people that, otherwise, you probably would have never met. Which, in my book, IS a darned good thing, and worth subscribing to.

Instead, they promote themselves as “the best way to meet the love of your life”. To throw away your common sense and humanity, and submit to the computer who knows best who’s right for you.

Fortunately, most people have the sense not to buy into that. But for the socially anxious and vulnerable folks, it can be a recipe for failure, or even abuse. Which is something that this vulnerable population shouldn’t feel blamed for.

http://www.eharmony.com/servlet/press/release?id=49

eHarmony press release dated Aug 22, 2006:

“Six years and 12 million registered users later, more than 90 eHarmony members marry on average every day as a result of being matched on the site.”

“In a recent poll, Harris Interactive indicated that over 33,000 eHarmony members married in a twelve month period ending August 31, 2005.”

That is 33,000 members married in one year. It isn’t stated when these members were matched. They could have been matched six years ago, they could of been matched three months ago. It doesn’t say.

It is easy to get muddled in the numbers. I think the real question is, “What is it worth to you to expand your search for love beyond your social network?”. There is a very large pool of people who are willing to take a long personality test, select some pictures to post, write up a profile and pay good money for the chance to meet someone special.

In the end, I think the people that get the most out of eHarmony are the people that put in the most time and effort.