eHarmony Blog.com

eHarmony is all for women to take it slow, to control who obtains their personal information, and to be able to close off communication permanently. All of these is about being conservative. Now, of all the dating books, which one proudly tells women to be conservative? “The Rules.”

Here, in a nutshell, are some of “The Rules of Online Dating”:

Rule 1: Don’t Answer Men’s Ads or E-mail Them First.

Rule 2: Create a Good Screen Name. It’s not boring or marriage-minded, nor is it sexy and lusty.

Rule 3: Less is More When Writing Your Ad. Do not agonize about filling out these forms, since most men will only look at your photo and simply scan whatever you write. Do not feel you have to answer every questions and do not break any Rules in doing so. Here are other pitfalls:

1. Putting three or more photos, writing intensely emotional answers, or stating one’s income,
2. Giving hints for men to ask you out, like “Would love to talk about it over lunch,” or “You’ll have to ask me on a date to find out.”
3. No home pages, biographies or dissertations. Don’t go on and on.
4. No wish lists. (They don’t work anyway.)

Men know you joined the sevice to meet and find a boyfriend or a husband. That’s one thing you don’t have to tell them!

Here are words never to use and things never to discuss over email or any online communication:

• “marriage”
• “willing to relocate”
• “romantic”
• “soul mate”
• “dream man”
• “connection”
• anything about sex
• his or your long-term plans
• ex-boyfriend or ex-husband
• how you are doing with online dating
• your “needs”
• anything about game-playing

Rule 4: Post a Smiling Photo.

Rule 5: Waiting 24 Hours to Respond.

Rule 6: Don’t Answer on Weekends or Holidays. You’re a creature unlike any other, confident and happy with a busy schedule, so you have no time to answer men’s emails on the weekends.

Rule 7: Write Light and Breezy E-mails.

1. Ignore winks, roses, woos, form letters, or messages with only a photo of him.
2. Never tell a man you checked his profile, even if you did. Do not look through his profile for conversation pieces.
3. Never email him again if there’s no response to the last one.
4. Ignore angry emails and sexual emails.

You cannot attract a “soul mate” by writing the word down any more than you can attract wealth by writing down the word, “money.” Be patient. Keep it light: Use two to three sentences.

Rule 8: Block Yourself from Instant Messages. Rules girls do not IM.

Rule 9: Do not Talk to a Guy in Chatrooms.

Rule 10: Don’t Volunteer Your Phone Number First.

Rule 11: If He Doesn’t Ask You Out within Four E-mails, Delete/Next!

Rule 12: Screen out Mr. Wrong

1. Ask for a photo right away.
2. Watch out for “player” screen names.

Rule 13: Don’t Waste Time on Time-Wasters. (The book refers to people who want to know all about you entirely online.)

Rule 14: Don’t Force the Relationship from E-mail to Phone.

Rule 15: Put Safety First.

Rule 16: Don’t Ad-Interrogate on Dates.

The rest of the Rules are rehashed from the previous two books:

• Rule 17: Don’t Have Sex on Dates One, Two, or Three.
• Rule 18: Disappear in Between Dates. (This rehashes their original Rule on being hard-to-get.)
• Rule 19: Keep Your Ad Up Until You Are Exclusive.
• Rule 20: Don’t Get Caught Up in Online Fantasy Relationships.
• Rule 21: Never Date a Married Man, Even Online.
• Rule 22: Don’t Ruin Your Real-Life Relationship over an Online Flirtation.
• Rule 23: Don’t Be Jealous of Non-Rules Girls Online.
• Rule 24: Journal Your Online Dating Experiences.
• Rule 25: Don’t Break or Bend The Rules Online — Even a Little Bit.

What do we think of The Rules? Well…, they work! In the beginning of the courtship — the first three months — whether it’s an eHarmony match or if your cousin matched you up, we advise against breaking or bending The Rules. Let the start of the relationship be memorable: We think it’s wise for women and men, if all things are equal, to lean towards the conservative, the traditional, to being reserved and to being safe.