From billbixby: “when I got to open communication with that particular person, I stopped receiving new matches altogether!”

We have heard nothing from Scott of “eHarmony: good or bad” for one and a half months now. Has he changed his mind regarding his quest to find a wife exclusively through eHarmony? We don’t know. One of his blog visitors left a note with some questions and we found time to answer them:

Comment by billbixby | October 12, 2006:

Hey Scott, I’ve been using EH for about a month. I got to open communication with one person and we actually met but it fizzled after that. No big deal.

However, what I did notice is that when I got to open communication with that particular person, I stopped receiving new matches altogether!

After meeting this person and deciding not to pursue it, I wanted to at least thank her for the nice conversation and for taking the time to meet. You know, be a ‘gentlemen’ about the matter. I wasn’t sure if she’d be able to read the open communication message if I sent the message and then closed the match.

I didn’t start getting matches again until after I closed that open communication match. It’s clear to me from that experience that EH stops sending you matches when one reaches open communication. That really sucks, in my opinion.

I have no intention of pursuing multiple relationships, but the fact is that online dating is a NUMBERS game. The whole point is to find what you’re looking for through volume. Why should you stop recieving matches when all that results in many cases is a coffee date? Then you have to start over entirely from scratch. Is their intention to discourage people pursuing multiple relationships? Or is it to artificially stretch out your membership (i.e. the pursuit of the almighty dollar)?

I’ll give EH another month. I have recieved a lot of matches from them, but as others have pointed out, it’s clear that many of those matches are not subscribers and you’ll never hear from them because they probably won’t sign up.

On the flip side, I’m learning quickly that online dating in general is a flaky business. You can’t blame eharmony for that. I’ve started communication with many women and they simply stop communicating. I re-read the questions I sent them and ask myself ‘Am I being too forward?’ or ‘Am I coming off as not serious?’ Obviously they lost interest for one reason or another. So just close the match already!

Since it’s totally anonymous, I wonder why this is so difficult. Maybe a female who uses eharmony can give me some insight on the matter. Am I the ‘second choice’ and she’s chatting it up with guy number 1 and putting me on-hold for awhile?

Bill,

eHarmony keeps sending matches whether or not you have anyone in open communication. I had 36 people in Open and still got 4 to 5 matches a day. Your experience is just a coincidence. Changing your Match Settings usually helps.

Regarding your date whom you sent a goodbye note, if you clicked “Submit” or “Send” and your message became visible to you, this means exactly two things: (1) you’re still a paying member and (2) your match receives an email notice and will be able to see your message (whether she is paying or not).

I doubt it is eHarmony’s intention to discourage people from pursuing multiple matches. Instead, I’m certain it is their intention to encourage you to send more messages to more members. It is these email reminders, messages and nudges that entice inactive accounts to put out the cash. The more people hope, the better the cash flow — That’s my theory.

Regarding matches who simply stop communicating, check out the result of our September poll. You might understand, based on othe poll results, how come matches don’t close you at such point.

Am I the ‘second choice’ and she’s chatting it up with guy number 1 and putting me on-hold for awhile? Maybe you are. Maybe you’re not. What they don’t tell you in those TV commercials is how rigid and inflexible the guided communication environment. Everyone leaves everyone in the dark. I wish each member has a “statusboard” that says, “I’m away and will be back on Monday,” “My time is focused on pursuing my present matches now. I’ll respond when things change,” or “Last login November 11, 2006″ and so forth. It’s an impossible wish, because the company will not risk revealing the staleness of its database.

I hope I answered your questions.

eHarmony Blog