Karl and Wendy Dahlke has this powerful “marriage test” in their homepage. I found the message and the questions in their test so critical that I’m flagging this article among the “eSsentials” and I’m linking this post from my three most popular post.
Please — for the love of God — ask the questions in their webpage to your eHarmony matches.
During our ten-day courtship, which led to engagement, my wife and I discussed most of the questions presented [here]. (We have now been married 14 years [as of 1998], and counting.) To our surprise, many of our close friends and relatives have never discussed some of these important issues openly and honestly, even couples that have been married for years. So how did they decide they were compatible? I have no idea! Apparently they never made such a decision, at least not at an intellectual level. According to the songs on the radio, “Our love will see us through.” But life is rarely that simple. We believe couples planning a longterm relationship, or already immersed in one, should answer these questions separately, in writing, and then discuss their answers together. Try to understand your partner’s point of view, and think of ways you can meet in the middle. [emphasis mine]
Some of these questions were taken from the two (count them two) adoption investigations we endured in two separate states. We answered these questions separately, and together, then handed everything over to the agency. Since we had discussed these points before our engagement, there weren’t any surprises; merely the first hill in a mountain of paperwork. Still, I believe the exercise would benefit most couples.
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