eHarmony Blog.com

We here highly recommend people to send Final Messages. We urge all members to send them often and as soon as possible. But what makes sending it ungratifying is the poor match between the 18 Close Match reasons:

1. I think our family backgrounds are too different.
2. I have too much happening in my life at the moment.
3. I don’t feel that the chemistry is there.
4. I don’t think our Must Haves and Can’t Stands fit.
5. I think the physical distance between us is too great.
6. I want to pursue other matches at eharmony.
7. I am pursuing another relationship.
8. I’m just not ready for the next step.
9. I am taking a break from dating.
10. I would rather not say.
11. This match never responded to my request to communicate.
12. I think the difference in age between us is too great.
13. I think the difference in our values is too great.
14. Based on statements in their profile, I’m not interested in this match.
15. Because there are no photos posted/I couldn’t see any photos.
16. Because I was put on Hold.
17. Other
18. Because we are communicating outside of eHarmony

and the 5 Final Message responses:

1. I have now posted my photo and when it is approved it should be available to you.
2. I have completed all my Match Profile questions.
3. Good luck with your search.
4. I really felt that we had potential. I’d like you to reconsider.
5. I think if we met, you might have different feelings about who I am.

The five responses are so inadequate and retarded!

And look here: the second choice, “I have completed all my Match Profile questions,” isn’t even applicable to ANY of these 18 reasons. eHarmony is hilarious.

Though we agree that some of these 18 reasons prove that the sender has lost his or her mind, we want to suggest more Final Message choices to respond properly to these 18 reasons. What do you think of these?

6. When your circumstances change or when you’re ready, do let me know.

Five of the 18 Close Match reasons have nothing to do with chemistry and whether you two will hit it off. The reasons are external: he’s seeing someone now, she has no time to date, he’s going away for a month, and so forth. None of the five responses fit these situations. This suggested reply asks to reopen the match when things change.

7. I really felt that we had potential. I’d like to have another chance to respond.

eHarmony’s guided communication process severely limits the ways we can explain ourselves to our matches with very little room for error. We’re bound to foul up, choose the wrong multiple choice answer by mistake, or say the wrong thing. Whoops! eHarmony should give us some slack!

8.I’m sorry I haven’t replied sooner. I’m ready to be more responsive now.

Ah yes, to be closed out because it took you more than three days to reply back. Has this happened to you? Or perhaps you haven’t subscribed yet and your matches are “cleaning up their lists.” Here again, none of the available responses fit the situation. eHarmony, give us the means to reply properly.

9. I’m willing to relocate. Physical distance will not be a problem.

Unlike age, physical distance is something one can fix. This is the best response to the “physical distance between us is too great” reason.

10. How about putting me on hold instead?

The rationale for this response isn’t so obvious.

Matches that are “on hold” remain on the main My Matches screen. Matches that are “closed” are moved to the fifth tab, mixed with the bad matches, bad apples and bad memories and are soon forgotten. This is why it’s better to be on hold than closed out. This response, of course, is to be combined with others.

We think that if this choice was available there will be more successful marriages in eHarmony.

11. «Fill in the blank»

Karen, a considerate reader, suggested something similar. It’s not a crazy idea:

I think Eharmony should have a space where you can write exactly why you closed the match. For instance, I closed 3 of my matches because the guys sounded like they exercised constantly (did triathalons and wanted a partner, etc) and that is just not me. So I want them to find someone who fits that description. And I