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Thumbs Down on eHarmony’s “Free Communication Weekend” (a review)

(Here’s site feedback from someone who was drawn to try eHarmony during the last FCW. eHarmony, listen! Republished in entirety with permission from Lessons of Love from a Laptop Dancer, dated 5 July 2010. Thanks, Yvette!)

Dating guru that I am, I feel it’s my responsibility to check out the various alternatives available to singles. I’ve tried many of the online dating sites and, as everything, each has it’s ups and downs. I’d heard a lot about eHarmony and it’s famed “29 points of compatibility” but, before spending their relatively high monthly fee, I wanted to check out one of the “Free Communication Weekends” to see how it all worked.

I filled out the VERY LONG questionnaire and after getting accepted was sent some matches. Most of the matches lived much farther from me than I wanted and most were much older than me… one was even 15 years older than me! I couldn’t see photos and I couldn’t search on my own.

But…this weekend is a “free communication weekend” so I wanted to take advantage of it and picked the one guy who (at least based on profile) looked closest to a match. I then spent the next 30 minutes crafting a very clever email to “Dave” (email is my specialty when it comes to online dating) and hit send, only to have eHarmony pop up an ad telling me I’d have to pay in order to send the email! Hey! What happened to “free communication weekend?”

I searched all over for some special promotional code that would let me communicate and finally figured out that the only “free communication” I’m able to do is send canned flirts and “guided communication questions.” So I sent Dave a free, “Looks like we have a lot in common. Let’s Chat” message along with stupid 5 canned questions with their multiple choice answers.

He responded by sending me two things. First, he sent a canned flirt reply that suggested I post my photo. Second he “skipped to email.” Well, I had posted a photo, but, apparently, he’s unable to see it, since I’m not a paying member. I had no way of telling him that, so I’m sure he’s figuring I’m ugly, insecure, or ignoring him. And since I’m not a paying member, I wasn’t even able to read his email. In fact, the ONLY thing I could do was Decline his email (unless, of course, I wanted to pay $50 and join eHarmony.) And there was no way to even let him know that I was declining his email because I wasn’t a paying member! Instead, I felt like I was just being rude. Someone took the trouble to write me an email after I suggest “let’s chat” and I have no option but to Decline and I can’t even let him know why!

I got pretty upset about this and called eHarmony Customer Service, but they said there was nothing they could do. That’s just the way the system works. Well, their “Free Communication Weekend” is absolutely NOT Free Communication! That’s false advertising! We can’t email people or even read or reply to people that email us. We can’t even give them a canned response of “I can’t reply because I’m not a paying member.” They’re just left to feel like we’re rejecting them. These are paying clients! They should at least have a way of knowing which people are not paying members so they don’t have to feel someone is rejecting them if they either ignore or decline the request to email.

So, if you’re on eHarmony, or you were thinking of checking it out, be aware that the “Free Communication Weekends” are limited to “guided communication” and you are very limited in what communication you can do. If someone suggests you go to direct communication, you will have no ability to let him/her know that you aren’t able to do that.

I give a BIG Thumbs Down to eHarmony! For a service that’s promoting relationships and communication, I’d say their advertisements are very misleading. If eHarmony were a person, he is someone I definitely would not date. Communication should be direct, open and honest. Both their advertising and their methods are indirect and misleading. Shame on eHarmony!

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Comments 12

  1. ScottK wrote:

    EharmonyBlog,

    I am surprised you didn’t post a short response to said message…

    We all know FCW sucks.
    But I don’t particularly have a heart for the leechers that expect everything that a paid member gets.

    Yvette,
    First off, it IS Free Communication Weekend.
    You just have to play within the rules EHarmony has set up for the freebies.

    1) You can send an email to your Match, once you complete the General Communication stages.
    The idea is that they want you to get to understand how the system works, so that you might want to become a member, rather than continue to leech off the system.

    2) Your other Match had to be a paying member, otherwise he couldn’t have sent you an email request right away if he was also a freebie member like yourself.

    3) You need to play by the rules. If you do, you will get to the email Stage, in which you can send your external email address to them.

    4) Ultimately, you get what you pay for.
    If you want to see Photos, or skip to Email right away, then pay up.
    With the codes here, you can get a $10-15 membership deal.
    Fact is, if you can’t afford that small amount of money, then stick to the free sites and the cruft and crap they allow in.

    Posted 06 Jul 2010 at 6:58 pm
  2. eharmonyblog wrote:

    I don’t think Yvette is a leecher, ScottK.

    I think she’s like a “woman on the street” who was drawn by a “free Frappé” ad on a window of a café. After lining up for the coffee, she discovered, among other things, the free version had no sugar. She felt upset because the sample fails as a fair representation of the quality or the experience one expects of the real thing. (On the way in, she saw no comparison chart of here’s what you can and cannot do free this weekend.)

    She decided to give the service a try, and instead it gave her a bad taste in the mouth.

    Posted 08 Jul 2010 at 11:03 am
  3. john wrote:

    How do one give a comparison without giving away the service 100%, and potentially jeopardizing the existing client base?

    Posted 08 Jul 2010 at 3:01 pm
  4. eharmonyblog wrote:

    Just a thought: what if the client base wants this? That is, what if subscribers want to give their matches access to their photos and to fasttrack during free weekends. Or at least an option for it? This sure solves the “I’m not a member send me pics” annoyance.

    Posted 10 Jul 2010 at 8:54 am
  5. john wrote:

    A good idea. But, it would be only fair if it was an “opt in”, that is someone who wanted to share their picture had to turn this feature on.

    I would be even okay with extending this to the e-mails . . .

    The fasttrack will never happen for free members. That cuts eH’s potential membership down because now the fasttracked free-member can and will communicate outside of eH. Since eH matches free and paying members also free and free members, eH could match, show their pictures and profiles, fast track them and they would move the communications to their own e-mail . . . in the free & paying they lost 50%, with free & free match they lost 100%. not a good business model – and we know eH is in it for the $$$.

    Posted 10 Jul 2010 at 9:24 am
  6. Ally wrote:

    You are giving Eharmony way too much credit. First of all the 29 blah blah blah is foolishness. I have been a member and I didn’t join for that reason, nor do I buy that they are sending me ‘matches’. In fact I believe they send all the people on the site to everybody or at least to most people.
    ScottK as for the ‘cruft and crap’ that you claim the other sites have…really, eharmony has the creme de la creme? of grandpas maybe.
    You may find great women on that site but you will be hard pressed to find a great normal guy. I mean any guy who actually likes that someone else is giving him things to ask a girl has got to be a loser- period. So no my friend, they may no tleave the ‘cruft and crap’ just losers. Now back yo what I was saying.

    I think people may be deemed incompatible if they have limited their criteria that no one there actually fits their profile.
    They always suggest that you broaden your scope.

    As for the free weekend- now that’s a joke. If something is free it ought to be free- period unless you state the conditions before someone actually spends the time filling out profiles.

    What ticks me off the most- well ONE of the things is exactly one of the points the poster mentioned.
    It is absolutely rude to not be able to tell the person that you are not a member, or you are just trying out the service and will not be able to communicate with them beyond the guided crap- and ity really is crap. I really do hate that guided nonsense. It gives you no chance to see someone’s personality, I mean are we grown adults or what…anyway, I digress.

    I think eharmony’s practices are deceptive, because they are so hard-up for clients (If they lowered their exorbitant price that might help) anyway, they are so hard up that they keep profiles of people who are non paying members and keep sending them out as matches.
    What kind of christian company uses such a deceptive tactic.

    It is important for them to have a huge database. They keep these people because they need to seem as if they have so many matches whoopi doo; well it’s all a lie.

    I go to the forum and hear guys complain that women talk to them until they get to open communication and then nothing.
    Why will
    Eharmony not tell them it’s because those members are actually not paying members.

    Why doesn’t Eharmony delete the profiles of non paying members???

    I used to be a member, and then I canceled my subscription but decided to keep my profile just incase I changed my mind I wouldnt want to rewrite everything. Shouldn’t they then just not send my profile to others.
    Now I constantly have to explain to the men that i will not be able to communicate with them after the whole guided thing, so it is perhaps not a good idea to even begin.
    The men are truly baffed and don’t seem to understand what I am saying.
    These paying people are being duped and it si wrong.
    I doubt I’ll ever rejoin because of the frustrating guided nonsense, but it’s up to them to delete my profile if they do not want it there.

    They truly suck in my opinion. I’d rather pay for cable than spend my money on them.

    Posted 02 Jan 2011 at 1:59 am
  7. Mike wrote:

    Some of you hate on the writer of this article, making claims that she wants “something for nothing”. But, it’s pretty clear eHarmony was ‘offering’ something for nothing.

    I understand why they wouldn’t want to allow you to communicate in your own words, you’d have no need to pay for anything at all. I was highly disappointed, however, that there were no photos until you pay. The biggest attraction for me to join a dating site is to see some matches I would be physically attracted to. All through the questions in the beginning I was asked how important physical appearance was and I marked ‘important’, because it is important to me. So, how is one of the most important factors (and should be for all couples, a physical attraction) not included in a free weekend? I don’t want to communicate, free or not, with someone I’m not physically attracted to.

    No photos is a HUGE turnoff for online daters and few of us now days have the money to burn on sites simply based on a commercial.

    I personally think a “Free VISUALIZATION weekend” would be much, much better.

    Posted 06 Feb 2011 at 12:20 pm
  8. John M wrote:

    I called eHarmony on more than one occasion asking them how I can tell which matches are paying customers and which are not. They said I can’t. Then I asked to only be matched with people who are paying customers. Nope can’t do that either.

    Oh and then I asked how I can close the 900 archived matches I currently have. They said I have to do each one at a time. Their process of closing matches is so time consuming that a person would literally spend hours closing matches each year. In my case I refuse to close them because I am not going to waste my time, so I have nearly 1000 archived ones for now.

    Posted 06 Feb 2011 at 1:29 pm
  9. ally wrote:

    Just an update.
    I got tired of seeming disinterested in guys at best and rude at least, so I finally just deleted my entire profile.

    I haven’t heard from them since, but I have a sneaky feeling that I am not actually deleted in finality but will show up as a match whose profile is no longer available.

    Yes I have gotten a few of those where you get the match and when you open it it tells you that the profile is no longer available.

    I really need to call them to ask to be out of the system. Perhaps I will threaten a lawsuit. Please delete my name, I am no longer, nor will I ever again play your games.

    As for Mike who wrote about the ‘free visualization’ weekend I could not agree more.
    You spend all this time talking to someone you don’t even know if you have the slightest interest in.

    BY the way…they also don’t know that you can’t see their picture- how’s that for deception. Men don’t understand why I say that I have no idea what they look like. When one guy after 3 months sent his picture, it sent shock waves through me and needless to say that’s where the ‘relationship’ left off.

    It’s bad enough that I have never found a guy on eharmony whose picture I was ‘attracted’ to, but now to have guys believe that I actually sound interested in them because of their looks- oh horrors.

    It’s easy for any smart person to circumvent the system to find out info if they tried. Find people using their names or monikers- most people use the same moniker wherever they socailize or just google them.

    If I were a guy I would spend my time cracking the code just because of the deception. Unfortunately most people are not that smart and or most names are just too common or people use too many monikers.

    Eharmony uses real names, so I’m making sure to say that if they change to a moniker simply use one that you use somewhere else- period. Smart people will find you.

    I once found a guy… He was pleasantly surprised when I called him just to tell him why I could not respond to his mail- to this day I still don’t think he understands what I was really saying- thanks to the cultic audience that is eharmony.

    The other deception that eharmony uses is to delete parts of your profile to the matches but keep it the same when you see it.
    I have written throughout my profile that I will never be able to respond to profiles and men who read my profile still cannot see what I am saying.

    I finally caught them, when one day I decided to write the word ‘facebook’ in my profile, they promptly emailed me to tell me that they removed it from my profile. I checked but it was always still ‘there’ . I finally removed it myself.

    Finally I proved that they were dissecting the profiles and including what they wanted there…for my $50 I don’t think so- sure the facebook thing was not the right thing to do, but it gave me the answer I needed.

    So tired of playing the cat and mouse game so I just deleted everything, and now I will be calling them to make sure that I do not turn up anywhere on their radar.

    What a horrible company.

    Posted 09 Feb 2011 at 11:26 am
  10. June wrote:

    What $50 are you talking about Ally? You said you never gave any money. All you’re doing is complain that eHarmony is a horrible company because eHarmony didn’t give this and this for free. Sorry to break it to you, Ally, eHarmony is a paid service. Nowhere it said that the service is free. You pay to play. You don’t pay, you waste the time of those who paid. Actually I am glad that you are gone because you wouldn’t be matched with other members who actually forked the cash to meet someone. Think about it.

    If you put in the cash, then you have a right to complain about the awful service. Right now your review is just a poor reflection on you trying to sneak a free ride.

    Posted 09 Feb 2011 at 12:55 pm
  11. ally wrote:

    June
    Pardon me for not clarifying.
    I was a paying member for over a year- thank you. That is the only reason I would have had my information there in the first place.
    Seriously, why would I waste my time filling out a profile If I didn’t intend to use the service.

    I was with them for over a year, and I did not delete my profile right away because I wasn’t sure if I would want to become a PAYING member again.

    I would have forgotten about it EXCEPT that I kept getting emails from MEN that were matched with me by eharmony.
    For a while I kept responding to them- even adding in my PROFILE that I was not a paying member so that they would not waste their time- to no avail.

    Just recently after one such incident I decided the decent thing to do was delete my profile so the poor men would not think they were the reason for the lack of communication.

    It’s interesting that you only commented on the ‘FREE’ part, which was actually less than the paying time. Everytime I did go back to communicate was when THEY were offering a FREE COMMUNICATION WEEKEND, but it turns out it really isn’t free or they really aren’t offereing anything depends on how you look at it.

    Imagine Starbucks offering free coffee to all to promote their new flavor, but when you get there, you are told they have no cups for the free coffee and they will only serve their coffee in Starbucks cups- hmm; but while you are here, look at our other flavors that we actually have cups for, and won’t you just try this cookie?

    Free weekend to review matches, but wait, there are no faces to go with that, and yeah, you also cannot communicate with them, but oh joy, here are some multiple choice questions for you- have at it.
    I was taking the free opportunity to explain to the men anyway I could- that I could not communicate with them outside of the weekend. ( a problem caused by eharmony).
    It hasn’t occurred to eharmony that if they included the pictures then at least people would know if they wanted to join- instead it was just this moronic guided communication that tells you nothing of anyone’s personality, and then once in open communication you can’t really communicate.

    To be fair, the very fine print does say that you will not be able to use open communication; however, for a site collecting so much money you would think that they would provide a way to tell people your actual status to PAYING people.
    Oh and whike you are at it eharmony- quit the free business- you have no idea how ‘free’ actually works.

    As I wrote before in my previous post (and this happened to me as a paying customer) getting matches only to see that their profiles were no longer available.

    I have no idea what eharmony charges now, but I do know that everytime $99 would be charged to my account for some period of time, and everytime I made a mental note to cancel, but didn’t get around to it until much too late.

    Unfortunately June, the only ‘poor reflection’ in this debacle is your limited reasoning skills in figuring out from my post that I was a paying member at one point.

    Perhaps you work for eharmony and were just incensed that someone would dare to want a ‘free ride’ That’s actually funny, but I do understand where you are coming from; but understand this- that if eharmony didn’t offer ‘free weekends’ and not actually made them free this website probably would not have existed.

    Take that one back to your boss. Let free be free, and a true representation of what the site actually does and not bait people into becoming members sight unseen.

    Now my posts tend to be lenghty so I cannot reread my earlier one at this point (another reason why eharmony does not work for me are the limited characters given to write), but I would love for you to point out where I said I never actually paid any money.
    This would hardly make sense for me to argue intelligently if I actually never used the site. I did as a full fledged member.

    By the way it’s good to know that you are happy to get rid of me- now I know for sure I will stay away in the future.
    There are lots of other sites that are much better. One of which also offers free weekends and guess what- you actually get to COMMUNICATE AND SEE PICTURES! Wow what a novel idea!

    Posted 09 Feb 2011 at 3:12 pm
  12. ally wrote:

    And to John:

    If there is no way to give ‘free’ services without jeapordizing ones client database- doesn’t it stand to reason that one should probably not offer something that they cannot truly give?

    Is there a law that states that dating sites should give away anything free?

    I doubt that. Not all merchants are able to give away free items, so quit the practise, but hey, we all know why they do it…it’s a way to increase that client bads deceptively, and it will take some time for all to catch on, but give them time they will, and like I said and perhaps I need to spread this around???
    Get creative people. Find the people yourself, and for the current paying members- get creative in your profiles- there are a lot of smart people out there who can figure it out- afterall, you are PAYING you deserve full disclosure and if you don’t get it (like those poor guys who kept on writing to me) then you should explore every possibility to get it.

    I can’t tell you how many wounded men I have left in the wake of eharmony.
    Search for people by profile name or monikers- most people use the same ones and if eharmony changes the system to give you their own curious monikers- use it everywhere you can- all over the place. Now there.
    Want more tips, I’ll give them to you. I may no longer be a paying member, but I am a quick as a whip, and I will not be exploited, and now that I am not a member (and apparently no longer welcome) I will divulge every trick in the book to break the control of stupid sites like eharmony.

    In fact I am thinking of a website right now to conteract all this crap (I’ll keep it secret for now)

    Have a little faith oh ye of little faith good doctor.
    If you actually had faith you would see that you shoot yourself in the foot with your scheming.
    Offering free weekend does not delinquish a database. I wonder how many people really hit it off on their first date- really.

    Have you considered actually limiting the amount of matches during the free weekend thereby controlling the amount of people able to give away their information?
    And why are you against people giving information away- has it ever occurred to you that not EVERYBODY would do that and that if you offered that MORE people would actually use the site?

    Wow, when is it going to get through to you that the more you give the more you get- hello, anybody home up there???
    Get a grip and smarten up before it’s too late, because a safe haven may make all your work absolete for all the disgruntled out there.

    Think blockbuster- netflix
    Think snail mail- email
    Think privacy and anonymity- facebook
    Just sayin.

    Posted 09 Feb 2011 at 3:33 pm

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