eHarmony, eSchmarmony (a review)

(Republished in entirety with permission from Single and Sane. Thank you, Margaret!)

Despite the fact that I am the Scrooge of online dating sites, I gave eHarmony a month more than NBC gave Conan. Unlike Conan, I didn’t come out of the deal with a multi-million dollar settlement. I did, however, come out of it with a handful of posts for my blog, so all was not lost.

For years, well-meaning friends and family have asked me the question no one should ever ask a single, “Why don’t you try eHarmony?”

Believe me, single people are aware that eHarmony exists, although if I hadn’t gone to high school with a girl who really did marry a guy she met on eHarmony, I’d be convinced that all the hype is just an urban myth. I still think it’s mostly a myth.

I actually attended a conference led by Neil Clark Warren shortly before he launched the eHarmony site. I have an autographed book to prove it. I even read the book. And shortly after eHarmony began, I considered trying it. I never made it to the personality profile though, because I couldn’t get past the user name.

So shortly after I began this blog and wrote about my user name conundrum, I decided to go back and give eHarmony a try for a couple of reasons. The first was purely blog research, as I thought I might get a post or two out of it. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!) Second, I had given enough dirty looks to the people who asked me if I had ever tried eHarmony to feel compelled to prove I could be open-minded enough to take a stab at it. (Althought now that I’ve taken the stab, my new answer will be, “Stick a fork in me, I’m done.”)

As I told you in one of my first posts at Single and Sane, the user name had apparently long since been eliminated so I was able to progress directly to the personality profile questions. The very extensive profile questions, at that. Once I had finished the profile section, I wished I had timed it. Some say it takes about 20 minutes, while others say it takes a couple of hours to complete. I can tell you it’s definitely longer than 20 minutes.

There’s some controversy about the personality profile, because evidently you can flunk it. I had always assumed that it was like a lot of personality profiles, and that it would throw out the results if you gave contradictory answers to the essentially the same questions with different wording. However many who have been rejected after taking the inordinate amount of time required to complete it, think it’s a religious issue. They contend that if you choose anything other than Christianity as your religion, eHarmony will reject you.

Either way, I kind of think those who are rejected by eHarmony get the better deal. I’ll tell you more in the next pages.

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Comments 2

  1. Fernando Ardenghi. wrote:

    I think eHarmony is eHarmonEy

    Do you know eHarmony owns 30% of eDarling?

    eDarling versions

    Spain: edarling dot es
    France: edarling dot fr
    Austria: edarling dot at
    Switzerland: edarling dot ch
    Sweden: edarling dot se
    Netherlands: edarling dot nl
    Germany: edarling dot de
    Italy: edarling dot it
    Poland: edarling dot pl

    eDarling is eHarmony_improved (shorter test and includes a Compatibility Indicator, like 83%, 87%,92%, 98%, etc) but it will be a serious headache to the eHarmony owners.
    I suspect eHarmony had sold its compatibility matching method – but improved – to eDarling, and eHarmony could use eDarling as a guinea pig and then try to improve eHarmony USA, eHarmony UK, eHarmony Australia & eHarmony Canada sites.

    What eHarmony could be testing:
    - a shorter test, only 15 – 30 minutes to complete it.
    - allow searching by your own (personal search criteria).
    - another way to calculate compatibility between prospective mates, not using DAS (Dyadic Adjustment Scale) any more, but using a balanced mix of similarities and an optimal complement instead. I am not sure how exactly eDarling calculates compatibility.
    - to express compatibility with a percentage.
    - to disclose when it was the last time a profile logged-in.

    eDarling claims to offer a “guaranteed scientifically-based matching method”* but eDarling can not prove that claim.

    wissenschaftlich fundiertes Matching-Verfahren gewährleistet
    nuestro método científico de compatibilidad
    *translated from German and Spanish using Google Translate

    Moreover eHarmony is not “scientifically proven” because eHarmony Labs could not prove couples married by eHarmony have a more stable and satisfying marriage, and very low divorce rates than other couples married by other methods as the control group.

    Regards,

    Fernando Ardenghi.
    Buenos Aires.
    Argentina.
    ardenghifer@gmail.com

    Posted 03 Apr 2010 at 3:41 pm
  2. anonymous wrote:

    IMHO I’ve seen too many women on Eharmony who really aren’t what I’m looking for, in terms of appearance, to respond to any profile that does not have both a good facial picture and a full-body picture.

    Go ahead and call me shallow; personally, I would rather be rejected for who I am (which I’m sure happens; I think I’m maybe a little above average in looks but certainly not a knockout) than have someone be disappointed when she finally sees a picture of me, or when she meets me in person.

    FWIW I’ve met 2 women from Eharmony, almost met a 3rd.

    1st: Pretty, witty, educated… and psycho! Major anger management issue. Shame because there wasn’t anything else wrong with her. She wanted nothing more than to be married and 7 years later, she’s still a bachelorette.

    2nd: Sure, come meet me! (I spend hundreds of dollars for non-refundable travel) On second thought, never mind, don’t come meet me.

    3rd: Couldn’t decide where she wanted to live or what she wanted to do with her life. I just want to be a mom! No, wait, I actually can’t live without my career!

    Other people I’ve met on Eharmony include:

    - The girl whose old boyfriend is completely, totally out of her life except when he isn’t

    - The girl who, without ever even meeting me, texted (!) that “I want to get married”. She’s since moved back to her home country

    - Multiple girls for whom “single, never married” meant “never married since the divorce”

    - “Did I say 35? I meant…”

    Posted 06 Apr 2010 at 7:19 am

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