eHarmony Blog.com

This is the message that Dr. Warren asks subscribers to read before initiating the Open Communication stage.

eHarmony works hard to provide you with matches that are compatible with your personality and values based on our study of successful relationships. I’m pleased that you have chosen to proceed to Open Communication with this match.

At this point, we want to give you some “rules-of-the-road” for communicating with, and eventually meeting someone that you have been introduced to through eHarmony, or any other website. Especially if this is your first time communicating with a match, please read through these carefully.

1. Always Use Your Best Judgment

eHarmony relies on the complete honesty of our users to create our compatibility profiles. Our system works hard to screen-out applicants who are not truthful. However, it is ultimately your responsibility to decide if someone is being truthful and honest. Don’t ignore your instincts and please don’t depend totally on eHarmony for evaluating a person you’ve been matched with. As with people you may meet under any circumstances, your judgment and instincts are necessary to protect yourself from deceitful individuals.

Here are some signs to consider: Watch out for someone who asks for money, uses vulgar language, asks inappropriate questions, or suggests sexual fantasies. Be careful of those who want to speed up the pace, tell you how to run your life, tell stories with inconsistencies, give vague answers to specific questions, urge you to compromise your principles, blame others for their troubles or are always speaking romantically. These are just a few of the signs you may want to think twice about before continuing.

2. Be Cautious Sharing Personal Information

We strongly encourage you to be cautious when sharing personal information that could reveal your identity. Our Open Communication system will let you communicate while remaining safely anonymous. Don’t give out your name, e-mail or phone number until you feel you have truly gotten to know someone. Once you’ve given out personal information, you cannot take it back! We encourage you to use our anonymous communication system until you are ready for the next step: Talking by phone.

Speaking by phone to the other person is also a critical requirement in getting to know each other better. Before you share phone numbers make sure you have discussed the need to respect each other’s privacy, and if either of you decide to end communication in the future, you will not use the phone number as a means to pursue an unwanted relationship. Most people prefer the man to offer his phone number to the woman and that she initiate any future phone calls, but you decide. Keep the first call to a short duration of 15 minutes or less.

3. Do Your Own Research

It is important to note that eHarmony does not perform background checks on its members. We rely on the total honesty of our members when filling out the eHarmony relationship questionnaire to supply us with honest feedback such as Date of Birth, Marital Status, City and State of Residence, Occupation, Education Background and a myriad of additional items. Regardless of the connection you feel, we encourage you to do your own research before meeting in person. This can be anything from typing your match’s name into a search engine, contacting your state or local municipalities to obtain public information, or using a paid service to obtain a full background report. Above all else, use common sense. Pay attention to the details someone shares and if you find anything that doesn’t add up, follow your intuition and close the communication.

4. Make Your First Date Safe and Successful

Meeting in person is a very exciting time. Approach your first meeting with reasonable high hopes, but try to limit your expectations.

• Make sure you meet in a public place, preferably during the day.
• Before meeting in person, make certain to obtain your match’s first and last name and as much information about them as possible.
• Tell at least one friend or family member about your plans, and arrange to “check-in” with them after each of the first few dates.
• Try and keep the first date to about an hour. Lunch dates generally work well.
• If one or both of you are traveling a long distance, then arrange for a short first meeting and plan on getting back together, if you both agree, a few hours later or the next day. This takes some of the pressure off the first encounter.
• Do not meet at your house or place of work, or give that information out until you have had a good opportunity to better know the person. Use your own transportation. Driving yourself will allow you to leave easily if things aren’t going well.

5. Take Your Time

We can’t stress enough how important it is for you to take your time getting to know your match. Be aware that on-line communication tends to accelerate one’s sense of comfort and intimacy. We encourage you to use eHarmony’s anonymous Open Communication system as long as necessary to find out as much about your match as is reasonably possible.

Remember that eHarmony’s matching process does not eliminate the need for real life experience. Before you create a permanent relationship together we believe it is vital that both people date and get to know each other in a deep and revealing way. If possible you should consider living in the same area for a significant time. Realize that you will need to have a broad base of experiences together. The more experiences you have together, the better your chances of avoiding hidden surprises. Allow time for a variety of experiences together, particularly the simple everyday routine.

The fundamental goal of eHarmony is to help our users marry wisely. We believe that, regardless of your high level of compatibility, rushing into a serious or marital relationship is unwise. Always move slowly, learn about and pay attention to the reality of your new relationship, as well as your relationship goals.

6. Always be Respectful and Kind

Always be respectful and treat the other person as you would want them to treat you. Not every match is going to be right. Remember, eHarmony is about bringing two people together who have a solid foundation from which a long-term relationship would have a high probability of success. You still need to carefully consider whether this particular person is one with whom you would like to further a relationship. If you feel the need to end communication, then be honest, direct and polite. The sooner you address this determination the better for both of you.

7. Report Concerns About a Match to eHarmony

If you have concerns about a particular match on eHarmony, please don’t hesitate to contact Customer Care so that appropriate steps can be taken to keep eHarmony the safest and best place to start a relationship on the web. E-mail your concerns to: matchconcerns@eharmony.com.

I hope these guidelines will help to make your eHarmony experience a success, and that you will find your soul mate as so many others before you have done.

Sincerely,
Neil Clark Warren
Founder of eHarmony.com