eHarmony Blog.com

(Republished in entirety with permission from Sean Standefer, originally published in Newsvine, dated 3 November 2009. Thanks Sean!)

[Ed's note: eHarmony installed technology called Accertify near the end of 2008 which, in our observation, perceptively reduced romance scammers in the site. Some member stories in Sean's article are from last year and earlier.]

Have you ever wondered if any of those online dating services actually work? Do shy people with busy lives really find the perfect match utilizing a complex (or not), scientifically tested (or not), proprietary (or not) technology which charges comparatively high monthly premiums for access to a database of other romantic hopefuls? The answer seems to be a resounding “Not a chance, sucker!”

As customer complaints continue to pile up into the millions, scammers continue to defraud members and management turns a blind eye to the whole situation; one wonders how long the online dating industry can continue to survive the seemingly pervasive onslaught of scammers. Simple scams that most membership based websites would find laughably easy to detect.

It’s a classic part of the romance scam for men to say they are widowers with one child. They often claim to be “petroleum engineers” or engineers, or something similar or self-employed. Whether male or female, manipulation is a hallmark of scammer interaction with their targets. First they tend to lavish loving praise upon hapless victims and then, if you don’t send the money, you’re emotionally and sometimes physically frozen out of the relationship and perhaps out of your ID, website account, email address, et al.

They will be harsh and demanding and accuse you of being cruel and horrible when you do not comply with their increasingly expensive demands. They will utilize any imaginable form of manipulation to get at your identity and worse, your money. Remember criminals are skilled at this sort of con game while you, on the other hand, are probably not. This is, after all, what they do for a living and they do it to hundreds of thousands of victims every year.

Hopfully you are now wondering about the pervasiveness of this particular crime? While sites certainly advertise and claim that the “majority” of members are real, they fall very short of those claims when asked to produce proof. While they do not represent proof of the situation at eHarmony, we’ve included a few quotes from actual eHarmony customers (past and present) concerning the number and types of scammers they have encountered:

• “I’d say 2/3 of my initial matches were scammers. It makes you really cynical about the rest of your matches.”
• “I received one match from a woman in Florida that turned out to be a male who was a nigerian scam artist wanting money. So, what good does their “29 levels of personality checks” do, if they can’t even filter out criminal scam artist men posing as women?”
• “ALL of the matches except one who contacted me were scammers. I don’t know why eHarmony’s 29 dimensions would consistently match me with scammers, or why eHarmony’s 29 dimensions can’t weed scammers out. There are some good romance scam sites out on the Internet. On those sites I even saw the same photos of people I had been matched with on eHarmony. I e-mailed eHarmony several times about this but they wouldn’t give me my money back. Buyer beware!”
• “Most of my matches were consistently 200 miles or more away. Some were just not compatible on any level despite the “harmony” rating. One of my matches was within 1.5 hours. We had lots in common and enjoyed a great time together while chatting. The only glaring drawback was that they were obese. I mean like 300+ pounds obese. I’m very fit and enjoy outdoor adventure sports so a long term match wasn’t going to work. All of eHarmony’s 29 dimensions missed something that just 3 dimensions could have easily filtered.”

On a slightly lighter note, here are some of the more obvious lines these scammers try to pass off on unsuspecting victims. Enjoy these ridiculous yet actual examples:

• There was the man who purportedly lived in the foothills of the Adirondack Mountains which, according to him, are apparently now located in the Bronx. (That certainly shortens the drive for the NY leaf lovers.)
• Then there is the gentleman born and raised in Italy who can’t speak Italian. (Che cosa la vaffan?)
• There’s of course the “marine engineer” who couldn’t answer the most basic questions about his occupation, much less elementary mathematics. (Algebra – 101 anyone?)
• Of course the story of the childless widowed gentleman who, during a IM chat, suddenly volunteered that his 14 year old daughter and he prayed together before beginning communications is a classic. (It’s a miracle I tell you!)
• Don’t forget the urbanite that works on an “oil rig” somewhere in New York and lives in the Bronx while commuting up state to the oil fields. (What a commute he must have!)

By now my dear reader you may be asking yourself what type of customer support you may expect from eHarmony if this should happen to you while paying for access to their site. I have included below reader submissions of eHarmony Customer Service response emails regarding multiple scammer complaints by active eHarmony members. It is obviously a boilerplate and reads:

From: eHarmony Customer Care

Dear ___,

Thank you for contacting eHarmony.

We want to assure you that we share your concerns regarding the existence of fraud suspects online and the risk they pose to the services provided by online merchants. As disclosed in our Terms and Conditions of Service, eHarmony does not conduct background checks on our members, but while there is yet no fail-safe method of preventing this type of fraud completely, we have a dedicated Fraud Prevention team and we are making every possible effort to monitor our service for unusual activity. We have also found that our members are often in the best position to identify possible fraud early in the communication process, which can help them avoid becoming a victim of a scam.

Please be assured that the vast majority of our customers are legitimate members looking to find the love of their life. However, if you should have any concerns about one of your matches, or if you feel they may be a fraud suspect, please close them immediately and report them directly via e-mail, at: matchconcerns@eharmony.com. We review every report we receive for possible opportunities to prevent these suspects from gaining access to our site.

Sincerely,

eHarmony
Customer Relations

And here’s yet another flavor purportedly directed to a paying member who had threatened to begin litigation:

From: eHarmony Customer Care

Dear ______,

Thank you for your recent notification. We regret to hear that you have encountered numerous matches that appear to be suspect and/or may have been closed by eHarmony. Please be assured that this is not typical of the type of matches our service normally provides and that we are continuing to investigate the matter. Although, we encourage our members to always report any matches they believe have misrepresented themselves or may have acted inappropriately, we also monitor any unusual situations in which a member has been matched with multiple people that they have had to report for suspect behavior.

Making your eHarmony experience safe and successful is important to us. Please know that we take your concerns regarding these matches seriously and have investigated the matter immediately. We have reviewed and closed the accounts in question. We do not recommend any further communication with any of these matches.

Based on your matching experience, we would like to offer you an extension of your membership, free of charge. Your new expiration date has been set to XX/XX/XXXX. Our customer’s safety and security continues to be a top priority at eHarmony. Notifications such as the ones you submitted help us find ways to improve our service and reduce risk. We truly appreciate the time you have taken to report the matches you have had concerns with.

Sincerely,

eHarmony
Customer Relations

Just saying “No.” For your protection should you consider using eHarmony or a similar service please first read these tips regarding safe behavior when dating online.

1. Never give out your real/usual contact information. One can always get a cheap, disposable phone number at most convenience stores these days. Remember, phone numbers can give scammers and others your full home or work address in seconds.
2. Use a playful alias, never your own name, especially your last name.
3. Don’t provide real birth dates (helps identity thieves) or other authentic information; a close approximation is all that is needed. If the person you are communicating with does turn out to be “the one” you’ll both have a great laugh over it later!
4. Keep in mind that scammers are lazy and tend to cut and paste other people’s profiles into their own. Take a line from a suspect profile or e-mail and search for it with your favorite online search engine. You may also want to try the bad poetry they will inevitably send you as well, it’s kind of fun.

What does all this mean? Personally, I think it means you should go to the pub, get a gym membership, check out the local library, hit the mall, grocery shop or attend an event at the social organization of your choice while leaving the online dating sites to the scammers. Your future is among the people, so get out here and BE among us!

I assure you, though it may be a bit more difficult than typing a snappy headline, you will find love while getting to know your fellow humans. Face-to-face meetings can be a hassle and sometimes dangerous, but they represent the basis of human interaction since the beginning of our species. It can also be a joyous, happy and fulfulling opportunity to meet the person you always hoped was out there. That in the end is the actual point I suppose. Spending money on romance sites and tempting financial ruin via scammers seems a far higher risk than approaching another person with a smile and a greeting.