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Comments 6

1. Alice wrote:

   I wanted to comment on my thoughts on eHarmony. I received a request for fast track from a match sent to me. I accepted and soon found myself smitten over a man who seemed to be a nice, sweet guy. I found myself after two months of what I thought was the start of a meaningful relationship, spending christmas with him and then he left and said I’ll see you soon. Well, he took his gift and then nothing!

   After a month of emails and calls, this LSU teacher finally emailed me and in his emails he simply said please leave me alone. He had found someone else and was in love. This is fine but, what was I???

   I was heart-broken and thought I’d close eHarmony and stay single. Well, I decided to talk to another guy and his name was also Scott and he seemed wonderful! We talked all hours, I drove to Florida to meet him and from there made several trips to see him. He told me he was in love and that I needed to move there.

   Well, after two months, he had troubles with his business and needed to incorporate to settle his affairs. I paid for this [the incorporation expenses] and also gave him minutes on his phone. As soon as I did this he started being busy. I went from calls every few hours to no calls at all. When I finally got him to answer he simply told me he didn’t know if I was what he wanted or if he wanted to go back to his relationship of ten years. She had told him on three different times that she wanted someone else and needed time. Now he tells me he needs time. I called the other day and his phone now says the number is unreachable.

   It’s important for everyone to realize that liars will pay eHarmony and go through all of that just to use those trusting people that hope for true love. It’s true that when someone says “we” will do this and “we” will do that, this is a great sign that who is saying the “we” is an all-about-”me” person. Their selfishness is only going to get worse.

   This makes being single over 40 very scary!

   Alice

   Posted 26 Apr 2007 at 8:38 pm ¶
2. blinks wrote:

   I want to get to know you better

   Posted 22 May 2007 at 8:34 am ¶
3. Mary wrote:

   Alice, I see a theme here.

   In relationship number 1 it looks like you called and emailed the guy for a month until he told you he wasn’t interested. You should have stopped at 2 contacts at most. There is no need to chase a guy down like that. That is the best way to get even the nicest guy sick of you.

   In number 2, wow. You did WAY too much work and he took you for granted for it. I’m not saying that it he isn’t a jerk for treating you that way but men tend to appreciate what they work for and you didn’t let that happen. Forget that this is 2007, that is hardwired stuff and women’s lib can’t change nature. You drove far away to see him several times then he wanted you to leave your life behind and move TO HIM. No, he should have moved to be with you. And you paid for his business fees? Oh my! Not good either. He used you. What else did you pay for? Dates, gas money?

   It looks like you call men a lot (too much) because his number was disconnected and he didn’t even tell you. How many times did you call, anyway? Men are notorious avoiders when it comes to relationships. Listen to their actions, not their words. If they’re not calling you, they’re not that interested. Next time be a little more selfish and that doesn’t mean being a bitch. Get busy, independent, do things without him. And let him chase you! Believe me, he wants to (if he likes you)! You can be selfish and sweet as pie at the same time.

   I would recommend getting the book “He’s Just Not that Into You.”

   Good luck.

   Posted 22 May 2007 at 3:31 pm ¶
4. Alan wrote:

   I too am a victim of the stupid bug that lets you send a blank message.

   They really ought to fix that.

   Posted 12 Feb 2009 at 9:21 pm ¶
5. Maria wrote:

   My 2 cents. If I received any of the above 4 messages as the first message in OC, frankly, I’d be somewhat turned off. Here’s why.

   Technique #1: ??? What did you want me to do with that? Okay, if you were talking up to me in a coffee shop, as that’s an in-person ice-breaker. Plus, as a man, you’ve just given me full control of what happens next. And I’m a strong enough personality that I’m not necessarily going to give it back.

   Technique #2: I’m not a big fan of calling a man first, and most certainly will NOT do it if it’s long distance. Not at the very first OC.

   Technique #3: It’s bit better. However, because I don’t use the canned 2nd round of questions myself (I make up my own), it would feel like the person has no creativity. I would answer giving them the benefit of the doubt that he was just nervous.

   Technique #4: Not bad because it puts more effort into it than #3. However, just directly jumping into a question like that (especially if that was the only content) would make me feel the subject of an interrogation.

   For me, I find the following more appealing.
   1. I find it really nice when I’m thanked for going through the GC communication. Doesn’t have to be an outright thank-you, just some acknowledgement of taking the time to get this far. Think of setting a tone that GC is complete and we are moving on to bigger and better.
   2. It’s nicer when I’m asked a specific question about something in my profile. Makes me feel like they were paying attention. It can be phrased as question or a “tell me more about….”
   3. Write something about yourself that would give the person a reason to ask you a question. Maybe elaborate a little more on something in your profile. E.g. if you like movies, talk about the last movie you saw and then asked if they saw and liked it.

   It just steps up a friendlier communication exchange.

   And one thing that is a bit of a pet peeve for me. After maybe an e-mail or two, if there seems mutual interest (maybe 1 or 2 more e-mails, but not much longer than that), guys, if she’s somebody you think you want to meet, ask for a girls number first. It’s more flattering.

   If she says she’s not comfortable giving out her number to a stranger, THEN offer yours. You can always remind her she can call-block her number if it makes her feel safer. You can even arrange for a “phone-date” at a specific time and date, that way you make sure you pick up the phone.

   Don’t do the “here’s my number if it’s more convenient for you”. Makes me think you couldn’t care less how we communicated, so then why would I bother moving beyond eHarmony?

   If she won’t acknowledge your request for a number, well she probably doesn’t want to talk to you. Better know that now, and not invest yourself further as there are other women out there.

   I realize some people don’t like the eHarmony OC system, so it’s fair to write something like:
   “I’d like to get you know you better. Feel free to reply back to me at xxxxxx@xxxxx.xxx” at the end of first OC message. It’s friendly, assertive yet not pushy or desperate sounding.

   Posted 18 Jul 2009 at 12:13 pm ¶
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