In part one, we discussed the history, and the benefits, of the “Cocky/Funny” concept – an approach devised by pickup artists in order to appeal to women.
And one has to remember – most pickup artist technique was developed in bars and nightclubs. After all, it’s a place where you can find a lot of attractive women and try different things out.
However, online, a lot of people found inconsistent results when they tried to be cocky and funny.
For one, the nightclub is a world away from the internet in general, and even further away from eHarmony.
In nightclubs, people dress up to stand out. People have to act and talk loudly to be heard above the general level of commotion. Add alcohol to the mix, and you’re starting out with very flamboyant, in-your-face behavior.
But, when you leave the club, flamboyant, in-your-face behavior suggests insecurity rather than a sense of fun.
And developing the correct sense of subtlety takes a lot of patience, trial, and error.
Furthermore, when communication is online, cocky/funny calibration becomes a lot trickier than it seems in “real life”.
It’s been said that, in real life, 90% of communication is non-verbal. Biting words can be delivered with a smile, and people will understand that the person saying them is kidding.
However, when people communicate online, they can’t communicate with nonverbal clues. It can be difficult for readers to “read” the smile that was meant. And online smilies and LOLs often make the statement look even more sarcastic.
Furthermore, when people communicate in real life, they can usually get a quick read on how the listener is reacting to what is being said.
If it looks like they’re taking it badly, the speaker will usually have some opportunity to soften the blow. They can smile a little more broadly. Tease them for being “fished in”. Or, laugh and say, “You know, I can’t believe I just said that.”
On eHarmony? The first sign of distress to a failed cocky/funny statement in a profile is usually, “Due to statements in the profile, I’m not interested in this match.” And no recovery (with that person) is usually possible.
Because of these factors, most online gurus advise folks to start their “cocky/funny” mix with 90% funny, with just a hint of cockiness. And they encourage folks to experiment, based on what they find in the field.
It’s not a bad start. But, in my experiences, and the experiences of people I’ve helped, I think there’s a better solution.
And I’ll talk about it in Part 3.
(Scott is the host of the eHarmony Cracked Discussion List)
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