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Comments 18

1. Leonora wrote:

   Sorry, but I highly doubt that 28 year-old women are looking for a 51-year-old match. I’m 24, and would be hugely turned off if someone who is listed as early thirties was in fact decades older.

   Posted 28 Sep 2009 at 10:40 am ¶
2. redtop43 wrote:

   Thanks Lenora, and I’m sympathetic. But do you have any constructive suggestion?

   There are definitely some 28-year-old women looking for a 51-year-old man. Maybe not the majority, but more than a tiny percentage.

   Posted 28 Sep 2009 at 12:17 pm ¶
3. Melissa Templeton wrote:

   I had someone do this very thing…said he was 10 years younger than he really was so he could be matched with younger women. He waited until our first date to tell me the truth. Why start out with that kind of dishonesty? Do you really think you are SO SPECIAL that your match wouldn’t care that you lied? If it is so important that you date younger women, use another dating service.

   Posted 28 Sep 2009 at 12:21 pm ¶
4. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

   Interesting question. Good luck. You had better be quite affluent, making six figures+, be incredibly fit and handsome or have some major “mojo” going over us younger men to attract women that young when those of us in their age range have enough difficulty getting their attention.

   Think about it for a minute. Are those things the basis for forming a solid long-term relationship? This is what most of the members of eH sign up for and it contradicts NCW’s philosophy as written in his books (which is mostly implemented in the site).

   If you want to look at a “real world” sample of women and age range preference, I suggest that you browse Match.com. Doesn’t cost you anything. I think that you will quickly find that the women in the age group you are seeking are not interested in someone as old as you when there are plenty of men in their ideal age range or even slightly younger. Even if they list your age range…I would hazard to guess that if someone younger comes around, that they are just as fickle as men and will find fancy in him.

   To get more matches, women have to specify that they would be willing to accept your age range or some serious “flexible matching” will have to happen. So, you either need to find more women in that age range looking for you or you need to lie about your age. I would not recommend lying about your age. For one, it is already “wired” into the account, so you would have to start a new account and subscription to change your birthday/age. The minute that one of those matches find out that you lied, all it takes is one e-mail to customer service and your account will be terminated.

   If you are really stuck on finding someone that much junior, you might want to try a different matching service that caters to that.

   Posted 28 Sep 2009 at 12:51 pm ¶
5. JustAGuy wrote:

   Do you actually have evidence that eHarmony is preventing you from being matched with younger women? Have you instead considered the possibility that most younger women aren’t interested in meeting men your age, and have limited themselves out of being matched up with you, and that is why you aren’t receiving matches?

   One thing that I use as a warning sign to myself when I’m determining if I’m doing the right thing is if I feel I have to be dishonest in order to achieve my goals. If I do, then I’m going about something the wrong way. That’s my advice to you.

   Posted 28 Sep 2009 at 1:18 pm ¶
6. redtop43 wrote:

   I do have such evidence. One is another post on this site that says EH will only match men with women between 75% and 110% of their age. The other is that at age 51, when I set my parameters to 18 to 35 I got almost no matches, but when I increased them to 18 to 38 I started getting matches, almost all of them exactly age 38. These two pieces of evidence suggest that EH will ONLY match me with women age 38 and older.

   It would seem very very odd to believe that, say, all women age 35 set their OWN age max at 50 or less, while many women age 38 set them at 51 or more.

   I have no interest in meeting someone who doesn’t WANT to meet me. But EH might be preventing women who want an older man from finding one.

   Posted 28 Sep 2009 at 1:25 pm ¶
7. JustAGuy wrote:

   I can personally say that I have been matched with people younger than 75% of my age, although it is very rare, and I’ve usually closed those people out due to lack of interest and maturity. I do find it interesting that switching from 35 to 38 dramatically increased the grouping, but it may be a case (and this is just me hypothetically speaking here) of people accepting defaults instead of changing them. By default you might be excluded from their age range until you hit 38. When someone signs up, they may look at the default range, and think “hmm, that sounds fine” and just keep going – they would have to specifically change the suggested age range in order to have contact with you.

   Just to be clear, I do have my own complaints about eHarmony’s service, mainly dealing with the distance algorithm, the number of inactive profiles, and a distinct lack of interest in seriously overweight women. I just want to rule out all the possible “gotchas” before we start screaming “eHarmony is ageist!”

   Posted 28 Sep 2009 at 1:48 pm ¶
8. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

   I have had higher and lower ages than my set age range. The algorithm goes by what you have in your profile and what they have in their profile. If the two sets of ranges don’t overlap (plus a year or two of fudge from “flexible matching”), then you won’t be matched.

   0.75 and 1.1 are what you get when you calculate the percentages of ages suggested for a male profile.

   The question you need answered is what is the default range for women.

   I’m pretty sure it is different for them because going by those numbers, a 38 year old woman’s range would be 28 – 41.

   Posted 28 Sep 2009 at 2:47 pm ¶
9. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

   The math is trivial to figure this out…

   Applying the male percentages to 51, you get 38 – 56.

   The upper multiplier for women would be 1.34 based on that since 38 *1.34 = 51. The lower multiplier would be 0.91 (give or take due to rounding).

   Default range:
   20 year old woman, 18 – 27
   25 year old woman, 23 – 34
   30 year old woman, 30 – 40
   35 year old woman, 32 – 47
   38 year old woman, 35 – 51

   If the default for women mirrors the range for men as above, then that explains your observation. 38 is where the default kicks in and you are eligible.

   Most people are going to accept the default range, just as most people aren’t subscribers, don’t fill out profiles in full, etc, etc.

   Posted 28 Sep 2009 at 2:58 pm ¶
10. Pyke wrote:

    Good math, SingleGuyInNC. 38 is where the default kicks in. Mystery solved.

    The range that redtop talks about is in this blog’s Match Settings tips and tricks page. The default Male and female ranges, and related tricks are there.

    EH will only match men with women between 75% and 110% of their age.

    redtop, not “only”, this is just the default. Men can change it to whatever they want, if they get around to it. So do women, if they get around to it.

    I’m sure some women in the 28-35 range would like men like me, but EH won’t help them out either!

    Oh yes EH would. Those women you speak of can change their ranges, too, and then you will get matched with them.

    Posted 28 Sep 2009 at 3:40 pm ¶
11. RJLRebo wrote:

    Just adding two cents… I’m a 33-year old female, and I don’t know what the default is exactly, but my age preference is 30-40ish, it does not extend to 51. If you lied about your age to get a date with me, there would be no second date, so what’s the point?

    I do sometimes get flexible matches outside my preferred range, and I won’t automatically close them, I do read their profiles. But I’ve never been matched with someone more than a couple years outside my range.

    Basically, I would think your non-flexible matches are only going to include women who have your age in their range, and perhaps flexible matches are limited by e-harmony’s 75%-110% range – but that’s just speculation.

    Posted 28 Sep 2009 at 4:14 pm ¶
12. Anonymous wrote:

    First, personally, I would not lie to get a first date. I would tell someone before the first date. The problem of course is that if I find ten 30-year-olds who think I’m 38, there will be one or two out of this ten who will say “Oh great, I really prefer much older men” and the other eight or nine will say “Begone, grampa.”

    I have a female friend who is 30 and lists her age range as variously 34-35 to 45-47. She gets very very few matches over age 40.

    My belief is that EH has a near-absolute limit of what you have in your matching preferences, and a soft limit of 75-110%. But if a 30-year-old woman lists a matching preference of 35-60, and I list 18-35, I don’t think EH will match us.

    Posted 28 Sep 2009 at 4:50 pm ¶
13. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    Just a quick note on the 75-110%:
    They used to print the suggested range for you on the same page where you can change it but apparently that was removed when they re-did the user preferences. I imagine that those percentages are still the default for new user accounts, though.

    As for this female friend as an example for biasing, I know someone who is also low 30′s. She could not seem to get matches near her age range…they all were much older (and guys in their 30′s are of course set for slightly younger). I think the pool in the specified geographic area plays more into things in some of these cases.

    There is also a preference slider for age which introduces a modifier for that variable in terms of how strict the algorithm is in their case. There may also be some additional logic in the algorithm that “younger is better” in the specified age range and it will try to match on that part of the scale first.

    We would like to see the source code for the website and database but that’s not going to happen…

    Posted 28 Sep 2009 at 8:11 pm ¶
14. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    Just a quick note on the 75-110%:
    They used to print the suggested range for you on the same page where you can change it but apparently that was removed when they re-did the user preferences. I imagine that those percentages are still the default for new user accounts, though.

    As for this female friend as an example for biasing, I know someone who is also low 30′s. She could not seem to get matches near her age range…they all were much older (and guys in their 30′s are of course set for slightly younger). I think the pool in the specified geographic area plays more into things in some of these cases.

    There is also a preference slider for age which introduces a modifier for that variable in terms of how strict the algorithm is in their case. There may also be some additional logic in the algorithm that “younger is better” in the specified age range and it will try to match on that part of the scale first.

    We would like to see the source code for the website and database but that’s not going to happen…
    Oops…forgot to say great post! Looking forward to your next one.

    Posted 29 Sep 2009 at 1:17 am ¶
15. Sam wrote:

    When I signed up at age 48, I set my match age preference to 37 to 52 and “somewhat” important. While I’ve had many matches and a few dates with women in their 30s, it hasn’t worked out very well. I’m now 49 and have narrowed the age criteria a bit, and still have recently gotten several matches in their early 30s, but the best conversations are now with women closer to my age.
    I dated a woman 12 years my junior for a while – we had a good time, but I kept thinking about being 72 when she turned 60 – suddenly it seemed like it *might* be an issue….

    Posted 15 Dec 2009 at 8:00 am ¶
16. 20somethingFemale wrote:

    Speaking as a 20something subscriber, I can tell you that it is not eharmony that is blocking you from being matched up with younger women. It’s just that there are less that are interested in older men.

    Eharmony lets us change our age preferences to as high as we would like. So, if I want to open up my preferences to men in their 50′s, all I have to do is adjust and update, and my next batch will include these men.

    I had a match lie to met about his age. He set up an account stating he was 10 years younger than he was. Only when we met in person did he reveal the truth. Unfortunately for him, I do not tolerate deception. If he had been upfront about his age, we might have worked. I’m actually open to dating older men, but never liars.

    Posted 24 Jan 2010 at 9:16 pm ¶
17. Get Real wrote:

    The reason that EH is not matching you with women who are much younger than you is because those women don’t want a man your age! What makes you think that an attractive woman in her 20′s or 30′s want a man old enough to be her father? Young women want young men. period. That is of course unless they are gold diggers and you are willing to bank role them while they sneak behind your back and have fun with the younger men!

    Posted 04 Dec 2010 at 8:42 am ¶
18. You're an ah wrote:

    Wow you are a jerk. I hope you have a lot of money and are willing to date someone willing to be bought.

    Posted 12 Jan 2012 at 7:11 am ¶

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