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1. From Does Dr. Warren advise sharing your disability in your profile? - eHarmony Advice on 05 Mar 2011 at 4:05 pm ¶

   [...] a look at this. (Note that this is not an official eHarmony blog, but it is run by someone else): To Disclose or not to Disclose: Strategies for an Eharmony User with a Disability? • eHarmony B… Second, let me reflect on my own experience. I have a couple of relevant points here. My late [...]

Comments 9

1. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

   I could swear that we have covered this issue on this blog but it may be buried on here. I couldn’t easily find it.

   I’ve seen a couple of profiles that dealt with this issue. I don’t think that anyone on here can tell you what the right decision is. That is up to you. We can give you some ideas/guidance of what it is like for someone to encounter a profile/person in your situation. There very well may be a reader out here that is in the same boat that could give you some more commentary on the matter.

   In general terms, putting negatives in your profile is generally a bad thing, so from that perspective, it wouldn’t be wise in terms of getting the most responses that you can.

   Weigh the options:
   Don’t – if it isn’t something patent in your pictures, you run the risk of getting rejected later
   Do – you get screened out by folks not willing to deal with your situation. If you do decide to, do it in a positive manner that reflects well on your character and shows that you are more than your disability.

   I think that being honest is important. If you don’t disclose in the profile, you need to do so fairly soon (i.e. open communication). It may be a bit of a shock for someone to meet you in person without having discussed it. The potential adverse reaction may not be something you would want to deal with. You never know how people will react, even if you have a good rapport online, you may see a side of that person that you could not predict.

   Depending on what specifically your disability is, you may have different reactions. Folks may not feel that it is as bad as they think it is once they meet you.

   Easy thing to do is to try it both ways for a month/few weeks each way and see what your response rates are.

   Posted 22 Jun 2009 at 8:50 pm ¶
2. rquan wrote:

   Thanks Singleguy, You know, I do question the belief that any negativity at the outset should be grounds for immediate closure; if everyone is that perfect or that positive, why are we still looking; what’s left? In all seriousness though, you are right, my hope in raising disability issues at the outset is to attract those who are comfortable with it though, then again, in my daily life, I haven’t met too many who actually are.

   Posted 22 Jun 2009 at 10:01 pm ¶
3. Scott Grey wrote:

   It’s a lot easier, if we know what the disability is.

   A few thoughts:

   Is this something people would realize right away? Or is this something that someone would only recognize if they’ve been with you for awhile? If it’s the second – I’d wait until the topic comes up. Much like it does in ordinary life. No one can put full disclosure of EVERYTHING in a profile. All you can do is give them a hint as to what might be interesting about you.

   If it IS obvious, think about how you can turn it into a positive. What have you overcome and accomplished in spite of your disability? What have you learned about other people? How has it shaped your personality in positive ways?

   Life’s adversities usually provide interesting stories. Start to tell ‘em a little bit. Just enough to get them interested in learning more.

   Posted 23 Jun 2009 at 12:15 pm ¶
4. rquan wrote:

   Excellent points Scott, I am blind. I’ve put this up there:

   I’m probably foolish to tell you this here and will no doubt hurt my chances in getting matched but I believe that it is more important to find the right person than to impress the wrong ones. I’m totally blind. I’m also independent and live, work, and enjoy life the same way as hopefully you do. I can’t offer you perfection. What I can offer you is someone who is sincerely looking for a life partner not a caregiver. Please consider me if you’re open to the adventure. All the best.

   Posted 23 Jun 2009 at 1:09 pm ¶
5. eharmonyblog wrote:

   Rquan, welcome to the site!

   SingleGuy was referring to http://eharmony-blog.com/740 .

   Guys, read also about Tim and Rhonda Evatt http://eharmony-blog.com/443 .

   Posted 23 Jun 2009 at 2:30 pm ¶
6. Maggie wrote:

   Dear Mr. Disabled,

   Your decision can be defined like this:

   Tell up front, get rejected immediately.
   Tell later, and possibly get rejected later.

   My suggestion is to tell later, becuase if a person has started to like you when you reveal a flaw it may not be a big deal. Reveal yourself in pieces, and once you are sure the person is feeling you, reveal more.

   Posted 30 Jun 2009 at 2:24 pm ¶
7. rquan wrote:

   Well, it’s been a week since I have disclosed my disability. Here are the results, I’ve closed a few, been closed down by about a 3rd, and no one has written back. I’m not surprised by this at all. I must say that I am disappointed and rather disheartened by it though. It seems to me that this is a reflection on society’s view as a whole. It is also a reflection on the membership of such sites. It is miraculous I think how so many people have gone through life so unscaved, have such great regard for family, contain so much hope, find such enjoyment in life, have so many wonderful caring and perceptive friends, find the time to work out, and still have the desire to self-improve; why? Sorry, just venting there. Where are the people who like to find “all you can eats,” care for but do not hang out with family, like to travel but don’t obsess about it, tired of not finding someone to share life with, you get the idea. Here’s what I’m going to do. I know the best thing is to take out the part about the disability and disclose it later; well, I’ll do that in time. I think I will try being even more honest with the other questions first. All the best, …

   Posted 01 Jul 2009 at 10:12 am ¶
8. Vinzenz wrote:

   the entire eHarmony site is “society’s view” on relationships. Is love really about ‘matching dimensions’ ? Is the end result really LOVE or is it just -compatibility-.

   As for being honest with those other questions.. Don’t. the site will just reject you for being ‘emotionally unstable’.

   consider it more as a website for happy people who are ready to get married and start a family say… tomorrow. eWedding.

   Posted 05 Jul 2009 at 1:04 am ¶
9. rquan wrote:

   Well, I do appreciate the advice given here. Though it is disappointing to see that the most productive path would be not to disclose, the reality is that this is probably closer to a reflection of what society can handle. I have disclosed for the past 8 days or so. I’ve even modified my profile to include a picture of the dog. I’ve challenged matches in saying that I am looking for someone who would be able to look past my disability. Now it started kind of slow; I got absolutely no replies and a few closures for the first few days. This also might be as a result of me putting down that I was 5.2 not my true height. This was done accidentally as I thought in the preferences area; can’t remember which one, but it said what height are you looking for; well that changed my own height. Anyway, after I changed that back, I’ve had about 4 people communicate from maybe 50. I also changed fast track to guided as preferred. I don’t know what the usual response rate is so I can’t compare at this point. As well, I don’t know what my communicating matches look like but that isn’t so important right now. Stepford Harmony is quite a make-believe world. I wonder how many couples stay together.

   Posted 05 Jul 2009 at 7:58 am ¶

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