eHarmony Blog.com

(Ed’s note: this page changes as frequently as twice a month. Please visit again for updates. Last updated: 2 July 2008.)

eHarmony’s site designers probably love search engines. They gave us all these widgets to fiddle for finding a life partner. Some of them can be tricky, so I wrote this tipsheet to find the best settings for you, i.e., that which gives maximum results.

Remember when you make changes! I lost two days worth of matches because I forgot to return the Want Kids? setting back to “Maybe.” If you stop getting matches, it’s because you stopped clicking like an addict, or you fiddled the wrong setting.

Preferred Communication Type: Your choice here appears on your Match Details screen seen by your matches. Other than this, it has absolutely no effect on the match results, on your screens and buttons or your matches’ screens and buttons. The system does not prioritize matching FastTrack people with other FastTrack people. eHarmony added this setting on September 2007.

Distance: My City: Text you put here make no difference in your search. It’s only used on the General Facts section of your About Me page.

• Capitalise the first letter, so you don’t look like someone who took the test and never returned, like our friend “maria (fortcollins, CO).“
• Timothy Mahar of the website Romance for Everyone says, “If you live in a small town that no one has ever heard of, you might want to change the city listed for you to the nearest significant town. You might also consider listing the city you work in since that may be a convenient place for you to meet your matches after work.”
• When someone takes the test, the system draws the initial value from the zip / postal code one gave during the test.

Distance: My Zip/Postal Code:
Dr. Buckwalter wrote:

The population of eHarmony users is distributed in a manner similar to the population of the United States. Thus, if you live in a large urban area the likelihood that you will have a large number of matches is much greater than if you live in rural area. But we do have representation from all regions of the United States. It’s just that there may be fewer matches available in areas where the population is less dense.

• I strongly suggest you set the zip code to that of the nearest metropolitan area. If you want to be found, you have to put yourself where people are.
• eHarmony can only do proximity searches for US and Canada. If you’re in other countries, text you put here make no difference.
• The My Matches page uses the code to sort by distance.
• The text never appears anywhere and is the security question when you call eHarmony Customer Service.
• The initial step of the test asks for the name, gender, zip/postal code, country, email and password.

Distance: My Country: eHarmony spends almost all of its marketing and promotion in the United States. That’s where most of the millions of members are.

In Spring 2007, eH has begun intensified television advertising in urban Canada.

Distance: How far are you willing to search to find your matches?

• Commonsense says, “begin small.”
• If you’re in US/Canada, you can also pick specific states or provinces.
• eHarmony’s Quantcast demographics estimates eHarmony’s membership in each US state.
• Please be considerate and set locations that you are open to travel or move to. Choosing “Anywhere in my country” will get you more matches, yes, but if you end up closing them because “the distance between us is too great”, then you’ve wasted the other person’s time.
• Therefore, if your current circumstances don’t let you travel, keep the range small.
• Experience shows that eHarmony still matches members up several miles beyond the chosen 30/60/120-mile aerial range. One member even plotted his matches on a map to prove this.
• If you live near the US-Canada border, but will never consider matches from the other country, then limit the search to states or provinces, instead of proximity. Or move your zip/postal code further south or north to a location 40 or 70 miles from the border. Again, it’s to save everyone’s time.
• Besides wasting the other person’s time, you also waste the person’s daily match slot. Remember, eH gives only up to 6 matches a day — having been matched to you lost him or her 1/6th of a day of his or her daily supply. Hey, those things add up.
• Highway speed is around 60 miles (100km) per hour. You probably know that 300 miles (500 km) is at least a five-hour drive. Driving a sedan 300 miles uses up 9-10 gallons of gas.
• People who have just taken the test (and thus have not even seen their About Me screen) get the initial value of 30 miles (50km) Anywhere in my Country.

Note also that this setting is reflexive: the system, for a match, requires both people be willing to search as far as the other. So, for example, if A, in New Jersey, chooses “Anywhere in the world!”, and B, in New York across the river, limits it to “Anywhere in my state,” then A and B will not be matched.

• This explains why small-town residents would get only two matches and one of them is their local seamstress.
• Thus if you’re seriously seeking the love of your life across a region, you’ll have to change (rotate) your zip code setting from city to city. Read our tip: The eHarmony Match Circuit

Personal preferences: How much do you smoke?/How much do you drink? Please indicate the most that you would accept your ideal match smoke./Please indicate the most that you would accept your ideal match drink. eHarmony has never published statistics on the smoking and drinking habits of its members. We’re on our own here. We don’t know how much these settings limit the results.

Personal preferences: How many children do you have who are 18 years old or younger and living full time in your home?

• Apparently any number greater than zero is the same. There is no evidence showing that, apart from having kids, the quantity of kids affects the matching system. I doubt the system will purposely match one with five kids with another with six kids. The number you put here is kept confidential anyway.
• This sets one of the 29 dimensions called Family Status. Nothing else sets Family Status except this.

Personal preferences: Would you be willing to accept a partner who has children 18 years old or younger living full time in their home?

• eHarmony’s Quantcast demographics shows an up-to-date pie-chart estimate of the childlessness of eHarmony members.
• One tough part about this yes/no question is that it doesn’t say the age and quantity of the kids.
• The other tough part is that, if you choose yes, and since the About Me profile doesn’t discuss kids, you won’t know until you reach Open Communication and you ask. You must presume that all your matches are currently raising three hyperactive 4-year-old triplets, so to speak.

Personal preferences: Aside from any children you or your new partner may already have, would you like to start a new family by having or adopting a baby? eHarmony never published statistics on the child-rearing preferences of its members. We’re on our own here.

• I’m not a family counselor, but I think blended families with two sets of young stepchildren are already tough to manage as it is. Adding a baby to such a family is a monumental undertaking. I say this here because you might not know what you’re getting yourself into.
• eH customer service says that “Maybe” finds both yes and no and thus gives maximum results. However, many people share with us that “Maybe” is the same as “Yes.”
• “No”, apparently, gives the least results. I even daresay the difference is getting 3 matches vs. 300. eH members want to have kids.
• Don’t miss the word “adoption!” Give people a chance to love you for who you are, despite infertility.

I spoke with someone who set her match settings to “I have kids but I don’t want someone with kids and I don’t want any more.” She gets one match a month or so. It’s rare to want to be a stepparent but get no children of one’s own.

Personal preferences: Your age is ##. You match age range is set to the following: The eHarmony FAQ has this to say regarding this setting:

eHarmony uses a complex mathematical algorithm when determining your matches’ age range. It is based on your age and the range our matching research has shown is optimal for long-term compatibility.

and the eHarmony Newsletter Vol. 22 has this to say:

eHarmony doesn’t use a strict age requirement when matching singles. We use a flexible scale that is only a part of the entire matching equation. Mathematically, the age part of the algorithm works like this:

Women are matched with Men that are between 90.9% and 133.3% of their age.

Men are matched with Women that are between 75% and 110% of their age.

Two years of matching data have established that this age range creates the most opportunity for a successful relationship.

Bollocks. If you won’t shoot yourself instead of dating a 21-year-old, and you won’t rather be caught dead than be seen with a 60-year-old lover, then set these age ranges. They can set their ranges, too, so don’t worry about them. The minimum is 20, the maximum is 110.

• People who have just taken the test (and thus have not even seen their Match Settings screen) get the initial range based on this formula. For example, a 60-year-old woman’s initial range is 54 to 80. You won’t be matched to her until you’re 54! No wonder older women get few matches.
• Thus 40-year-old men are occasionally closed out by younger women saying “the age difference between us is too great” because likely these women have not changed their setting.
• Trivia: The biggest age gap endorsed by eHarmony is 28 years: between a 110-year-old man and a 82-year old woman.
• This initial range does not update automatically when the member gets older; The eH programmers forgot to do that.

Background and Beliefs: With which of the following religions, if any, do you affiliate yourself?

• Are you religious? If your answer is, “not exactly”, or “not very much”, I suggest your regularly move back and forth between “Spiritual yet not religious” and the religion you identify with. The first is to catch those who avoid fanatics, the second is for those who identify with your religion. It’s a slippery slope, sometimes.
• If you practice your faith, I suggest you regularly move back and forth between “Prefer not to specify” and your denomination. The first is to catch those who choose to specify the denomination of their matches, the second is for those who do not. Your answer is kept confidential anyway.
• This setting sets your religion, not your level of spirituality or how much you practice your faith. During the questionnaire, eHarmony asked your level of spirituality, and your answer there was permanent.

Background and Beliefs: Which religions would you be willing to accept as matches?

• Remember, 91% of eHarmony’s members are Christian.
• For your information, traditional believers of Judaism and Islam do not wed non-believers, but you have to wonder what they are doing in a matchmaking site that’s 91% Christian. Perhaps they saw a mind-inducing TV commercial.
• Bug alert: eHarmony Canada and eHarmony Australia have “New Age” as an additional choice. Unless the US member picks “no preference”, he won’t be matched to Canada and Australia members who chose this religion. Okay, it’s not really a religion.
• Side note: eHarmony repeatedly denies that “Neither religious nor spiritual” members get no matches in eHarmony. The stories you hear are untrue.

Background and Beliefs: Please select your denomination.

• Members do not see your denomination, but members can limit the denomination they receive.
• I suggest you regularly move back and forth between “Prefer not to specify” and your denomination The first is to catch those who choose to specify the denomination of their matches, the second is for those who do not.
• Bug alert: eHarmony Canada and eHarmony Australia have “New Age” as an additional choice. Unless you pick “no preference” you won’t be matched to Canada and Australia members who chose this religion. Okay, it’s not really a religion.
• In the US, consider these stats (Self-Described Religious Identification of U.S. Adult Population, 2001): Christian 79.8% Roman Catholic 26.8%, Baptist 17.2%, Methodist 7.2%, Lutheran 4.9%, Presbyterian 2.8%, Jewish 1.4%, No Religion 15.0%1
• In Canada, consider these stats (Top Religious Denominations in Canada, 2001): Christian 72%, Roman Catholic 43.6%, United Church 9.6%, Anglican Church 6.9%, Baptist 2.5%, Muslim 2.0%, Jewish 1.1%, No religion 16.2%2

Background and Beliefs: What is your ethnicity? Your choice also appears on the General Facts section of your About Me page. For some reason the system lets you change your ethnicity anytime. Well, go ahead and do it! Do it before you go to bed and then change it back in the morning! See if it helps.

• eHarmony’s Quantcast demographics shows an up-to-date pie-chart estimate of the ethnicities of eHarmony members.
• “White, non-Hispanic” gets the maximum results. Caucasians want caucasians — that’s how things work.
• “Other” gives the least results.
• Choosing “Other” and then submitting no pictures is, I think, freaky. I’d at least show evidence that I’m human.
• They intended eHarmony.com to be international from the beginning, yet “African American” and “Native American” are among the choices here for the past EIGHT YEARS. It’s a pity because it takes exactly two seconds for one programmer to fix this page, but no one has gotten around to doing it.
• eHarmony Canada has “African American” and “Native American” are among the choices, too. No wonder many Black Canadian members choose “Other.” eHarmony.ca has been around since February 2007.
• Bug alert: eHarmony US has “Native American” as a choice, and eHarmony Australia has “Aboriginal” as a choice. Unless the US member picks “no preference”, he won’t be matched with Australia members who chose ‘Aboriginal’.

Background and Beliefs: Which ethnicities would you be willing to accept as matches?

• Sitewide demographics are as follows:
  • White, non-Hispanic (83%)
  • Hispanic or Latino (4%)
  • African-American (6%)
  • The rest (7%)
• eHarmony’s Quantcast demographics shows an up-to-date pie-chart estimate of the ethnicities of eHarmony members.
• Oh don’t we wish we can limit the search to blonds, redheads, brunettes or black-haired caucasians? It’s too late for that now, unless you’ve got a plan to contact 20 million people to update their profile.
• Many Ghanaian scammers pick “Native American” because they don’t know any better.
• Remember to check “Other” to catch people of mixed races, such as Chinese-Korean, Indian-Arab or Black-Latino.
• Bug alert: eHarmony US’s “Arab” choice is called “Middle Eastern” in eHarmony Canada and Australia. The HTML source code says so.
• Bug alert: eHarmony US has “Native American” as a choice, and eHarmony Australia has “Aboriginal” as a choice. Unless the US member picks “no preference”, he won’t be matched with Australia members who chose ‘Aboriginal’.

Background and Belief: Choose the category that best describes your highest level of education. Education is one of the 29 dimensions, therefore your choice here will affect your matches. Your choice will be confidential.

• Thus, choose “Doctorate” to meet more PhD graduates. Is this lying to your matches? I don’t think so, but if you disagree, then please ignore this advice.
• I was matched and, eventually, spoke with a PhD living a small town more than 30 miles away. Apparently this person got only 3 matches during the first four weeks. I think this person answered “7 very important” to the question: “How important are the following items: Having similar educational backgrounds.”

Match Flexibility: How important is your match’s distance from you? Anything less than the rightmost ‘Very Important’ setting makes you fair game. Unless you pick the rightmost, you WILL get matches from other countries.

• Flexibility has NOTHING to do with relative distance. Unless you pick the rightmost, it’s as good as having chosen “Anywhere in the World!”

Match Flexibility: How important is your match’s religion to you? How important is your match’s ethnicity to you? How important is your match’s age to you? How important is the amount that your match smokes to you? How important is the amount that your match drinks to you? Anything less than the rightmost ‘Very Important’ setting makes you fair game. Unless you pick the rightmost, you WILL get matches outside your preference.

• This setting is of consequence when you disfavour some ethnicities or religions.

Match Flexibility: How important is your match’s religious denomination to you? How important is your match’s education to you? Anything less than the rightmost ‘Very Important’ setting makes you fair game. Unless you pick the rightmost, you WILL get matches outside your preference.

• This setting is of consequence when you disfavour some religious denominations. eHarmony never reveals education or denomination, so you won’t know until you ask.

Match Flexibility: How important is your match’s income to you? How important is your match’s height to you? eHarmony repeatedly says they do not match on income or on height. So what in blazes are these settings? I asked this repeatedly and got no response.

Related questions:

How many of my matches will be nonpaying? Whoa, the ratio is top secret. For what it’s worth, these are my stats: After 14 weeks in the service, 31% replied, 16% closed me without replying (and thus was at least actively signing in) and 53% never replied. If I were eHarmony’s software designer I’d study site trends and set the ratio that keeps existing members happy enough to stay and to nudge enough nonpaying members so the maximum people join the service.

It’s also possible that there is no ratio. The matching system ignores subscription status when matching people.

How many matches do nonpaying members get? Aha! Nonpaying members cannot run “Find New Matches” beyond 10. However, the system can and will send them matches, depending on the top-secret ratio I mentioned in the previous question. Yup, maria (fort collins, CO) might have dozens of matches already.

Does visiting the site frequently or responding sooner give me more matches? Again, I don’t know. If I were eHarmony I would design the system to discover who initiates more communications and send more nudges and I would give these guys more work to do, because these hails are what converts people into paying customers.

Does visiting the site less frequently stop the matches? One of our readers, who never signed in and never clicked an eHarmony email for seven months, says he still receives matches once every three to five days. So, no, unless you tell eHarmony to stop, the matches won’t end for a while.

What happened to the question on income? How do I change it? According to eHarmony’s Help page, the income range you picked when you took the test make no difference in your search. Then what is it for? We don’t know. For demographics, perhaps. However, if you want, Customer Service can access your profile and change your income range for you.

I got matches this morning. Will changing my match settings let me get another set of matches? YES. Rotating your match settings is an excellent way to force the system to reset your matchmaking profile and repeat the search. See also Why eHarmony gave you only five, two, one or no matches today.