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”already in another relationship”?

DAYS ON EHARMONY : 6
# OF MATCHES TOTAL : 42
# CLOSED : 32
# IN COMMUNICATION : 5 (using this term lightly. still haven’t even gotten another person’s must have/have nots)
# ‘NEW’/NO ACTION YET : 5
# OPEN COMMUNICATION : 0

Somehow I think my stats must have gotten mixed up yesterday, since I should have increased by a greater number.. or my closed matches are disappearing! But in any case, I have a bone to pick with eHarmony already. I still think that this site could be great and I might find someone excellent, but yesterday three matches closed for the SAME REASON.

“I am pursuing another relationship.”

Oh, are you? Because I’m on eHarmony to FIND relationships, not deny other people but I am in in them. I don’t think it would have been that big of a problem except that I got three rejections all at the same time with that same reason.

eHarmony does not allow people to sign up if they say they are married. Why should they continue to send matches of people who are saying they are already in relationships? It’s unfair and unkind to do. I think they should e-mail people who are giving that excuse repeatedly and ask them if they would like to turn off matches for a while. I know that eHarmony e-mails people who don’t re-subscribe. It’s not as though it would cause them too much problem to ‘poke’ people who have turned off matching every few weeks.

Right?

[This post originally appeared in her blog, eHarmony Adventures, dated 10 May 2009]

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Comments 5

  1. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    “I am pursuing another relationship”:
    I’ve been in the system for weeks/months and it just finally got around to matching us. I’m already dating someone else I met on here (or elsewhere) and your profile doesn’t seem better enough to convince to go out with you. They may not even be in a relationship. It could easily be interchanged with “I don’t feel the chemistry” or “Other”.

    How many closed you and how many did you close of those 32? My “they closed me” ratio for the past 44 days is 42%, “I closed them” is 14%. Most of the remaining open matches (44%) are ones that haven’t responded which I may or may not be interested, as I tend to communicate with anything that may even have a pulse that I don’t find totally repulsive.

    Posted 10 May 2009 at 3:04 pm
  2. Mystique wrote:

    I found even closing message like: “I am taking a break from dating”. Why are you looking still on eHarmony than?? This doesn’t make any sense. I believe is better an insignificant: Other!
    I’m on eHarmony since 1 month now and I’m really disappointed, it’s more less 4/5 days that I’m receiving matches from another country, even if I asked for my city and around only!!
    I didn’t find nobody interesting so far and if I saw someone nice he closed the match after I asked for communication!!

    Posted 14 May 2009 at 10:15 am
  3. Scott Grey wrote:

    “I’m persuing another relationship” is the online equivalent to, “I have a boyfriend/girlfriend”. It may be true. Or, it may just be a brushoff.

    If you’re getting it a lot – it’s time to work on your profile and photos some more…

    Posted 18 May 2009 at 10:55 am
  4. OneTaurus wrote:

    I understand this thread is a bit old, but I joined eHarmony just a few days ago and noticed that one of my matches was closed today with the “I am pursuing another relationship” message (read “excuse”).
    Now, even though I’m new to the site, common sense tells me that this simply means that the other person has no interest whatsoever. It is no different from the “I have a boyfriend” answer that women give to guys on the street when they are not interested.
    If the person that chooses this reason for closing a match is really pursuing a relationship, then why have the account active? Because they already paid for it in advance? OK, then how about turning off the Matching feature? That makes more sense, doesn’t it?
    Again, to me, this is just an excuse that only means “I’m not interested in having any sort of communication with you” and like SingleGuyInNC says, it is interchangeable with “Other” or “I don’t feel the chemistry” or even “Based on statements in their profile, I’m not interested”.

    Posted 06 Dec 2009 at 11:43 pm
  5. annoymous wrote:

    This is one reason I find the claim about finding compatible matches, on the level of a snake salesperson. When I was part of eHarmony yes I got all those excuses and the rep would say something to the affect that the compatibility test did not cover chemistry. OK and the ideal that you find the “love of your life” is a bunch of bull. Again, how can you be in the game if you can never get a date. eHarmony talks out of both sides of their mouth, first they tell you when you have a slow period don’t get discouraged “read our success stores.” But then they close people out for “any reason or no reason” or reject them before they can get in the door. They let some people go on seven to ten years and other under three months. They are all over the board. Their insane. Maybe they should take the same personality tests they made the matches take.

    Posted 07 Dec 2009 at 8:31 am

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