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My Bad EHarmony Experience, by alan999

Hello,  this is my first time to post here.  I just wanted to share an experience that I had with someone I met on eharmony.

I met a single 28 year old mother that lived two hours away and we began dating.  She had no job, lived with her parents, and typically got up at noon everyday.  Despite this, we hit it off immediately and this went on for months, with me making the trip every weekend.

Unfortunately, she would never return the favor and come visit me.  She refused to stay away from her daughter overnight and rejected my offers to accomodate her daughter as well.  I accepted this as fine and we never had any disagreements about it.

Finally, she agreed to come visit me with her mom and step dad all renting hotel rooms with her in my town.  I was excited!  This was the day I was waiting for.  I could finally show her around and spend some time with her.  When she showed up however, she refused to spend time with me and stayed with her mom and stepdad the whole time shopping at Best Buy!  She explained that she really felt her family needed her to be with them.  I was extremely upset.

A few days later, she told me that her mom was moving to a different state and that she planned to move with them.  She asked me if I would come with her and of course I refused.  I begged her to stay and come live with me but she rejected this as well. That was the end of our relationship.

So that’s the story. I feel like she was not independent enough for me and it was for the better.  Living with parents, being long distance, and being a single mom I could accept – but being too dependent and needy just takes it too far.

Any thoughts?  Anyway, just wanted to share my story.

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Comments 5

  1. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    “Next”. Need we say more?

    Well, you obviously want more since you posted your story…

    There are so many things wrong with this situation. I would strongly suggest reading Neil Clark Warren’s books before you look for your next relationship (and maybe a few others by other authors to get some perspective to see that it is not just him).

    It’s often hard to judge relationships dispassionately when you are involved. Friends and family being in the loop are a good sanity check but again, we often ignore them because we have tunnel vision and want things to work.

    One can understand putting their child first but that only goes so far in building a relationship. There has to be SOME compromise and it is pretty clear there was none on her end.

    If you were fine with supporting her to stay in the area and she turned down staying with you for her family, clearly, it was obvious where her priorities are and what her decision was.

    It sounds like you saved yourself a LOT of future heartache by not following after her.

    Posted 20 Apr 2009 at 10:11 am
  2. Manon wrote:

    Hello Allan 999,

    Well I can’t say that it’s a bad E Harmony experience.
    From your description of the events, this relationship was not working out for you. It has to work both ways and not always her way. The fact that she refuse to come and visit you, was already an obvious sign, and at 28 still live with her family and does not have a job :) should have been Huge Flashing light.
    Don’t despair, just be careful and find a relationship that ‘s not just one side.

    Posted 20 Apr 2009 at 11:52 pm
  3. Mz.Tee wrote:

    Dear:Allen999,my heart goes out to you
    my dear,because I too have been a victim
    of a one sided story!
    my man thinks,that :SEX:!Makes the world go
    around,he’s way to insecure & enjoys
    making me feellike an outsider/outcast!
    when I only intend to live happily,with my significant other! And yes I MYSELF am still single,because I don’tjust aprove the sex.we need all above Quailtifiyications Met! 50/50!

    Posted 21 Apr 2009 at 1:17 am
  4. Elizabeth R wrote:

    Let me share something different.

    What is noticeable about your story is that it is almost entirely on what she didn’t do for the relationship. I don’t know what they are, but I’m sure she did something because you two hit it off.

    Nonetheless, based only on what you said, I see she did two big “contributions”: (1) She accommodated you very well each time you visited, and (2) She invited you to come with her and move to the new state.

    Your feelings for her weren’t enough because you didn’t accept her invitation. In fact, the move made you two to decide to end the relationship. Breakups are sad, yeah, but nothing is wrong with them. In fact, neither of you did anything wrong.

    In a relationship, there is no scorecard; you don’t count contributions. If one keeps tally of favors returned and unreturned, then that isn’t love. It’s a transaction.

    Posted 21 Apr 2009 at 7:53 pm
  5. cdkelly wrote:

    It’s only a problem if we don’t learn from the experience. Next time you’ll know to look for signs of independence if that’s what you want in a relationship. Perhaps you should try one of the niche sites like matchMakingInc.com, they focus on the Entrepreneur types, much more independent. Know what signs to look for

    [Ed's note: Ms. Connie Kelly forgot to disclose that she is one of the VPs of this website.]

    Posted 03 May 2009 at 10:53 pm

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