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From Time Magazine: “They Clicked” 1 minute, 1 second agoI’m working on 1700 matches in the closed “bin”. Any number of reasons for the behavior you have experienced. Try to get some feedback on your profile from friends as well as some strangers who don’t know you. I find that strangers (particularly those of the opposite sex) offer the best “sanity check” since they will have that same first impression that a potential match gets. Some of us on here may be willing to look at it.
Honestly, I am still of the mindset that most of the matches you receive are people who are lurkers…those who are unwilling to pay what I see are the exorbitant fees for eHarmony (thank you for the promo codes!!) and so they are just signing on and seeing if someone catches their eye and just closing…I know I have been guilty of that when I wasn’t a paid subscriber. And obviously, if some people aren’t responding at all, it’s because they can’t. They aren’t paying and can’t respond.
I disagree with “Tanikwish” —the lurkers he/ she describes are not generally going to bother to close a match; they just check out the system, then ignore it. The matches who NEVER reply are usually the nonpaid nonmembers.
Your last sentence expresses frustration that all these people are closing the match without getting to know you.
That is the nature of eHarmony: If we all invested the time to “get to know” each of our matches, just managing our eharmony account would be a full-time job.
I am sorry to say, that eharmony is all about first impressions and presenting the best possible version of yourself.
Keep in mind that this site was founded by a guy (Neil Clark Warren) who wrote a book called “How To Know If Someone Is Worth Pursuing In Two Dates Or Less”. Warren’s thesis is essentially that someone who knows herself well, and knows clearly what she wants/ needs from a partner can VERY quickly determine if someone is an obvious bad match for her. I would say that at least 90% of my matches I close immediately. Less than 1% get to open communication.
There is always the possibility that there are ways you can improve your profile, and how you present yourself.
For example, your question posted here presents you in a not-so-positive light: the tone is a bit crass, and there are multiple spelling/ grammatical errors.
If that’s what your profile reads like, then a certain segment of people will be turned off by that.
Also, photos are important. I would say that AT LEAST half of the matches I receive have photos that are just not very flattering at all.
Pics taken with a webcam are an absolute no-no.
Context matters too: it’s amazing how many matches I get who have a photo of him posing with some woman —and immediately, the thought becomes: who is SHE? (if it’s a relative or coworker, etc, then say so in the caption).
Beware of “unfavourable comparisons”: if a guy is kinda plain, and average-looking, he shouldn’t post a picture of himself with his two hot, studly fraternity buddies.
If he’s overweight and a bit out of shape, posting the photo of himself standing with his two fit, athletic co-workers is a bad idea.
Bottom line: if you are not the most appealing person in your photo, then post a different photo.
There are all kinds of resources online with advice for creating a great online-dating profile. Do a google search and check some of them out. Or get advice from someone who you can trust to be honest and objective.
I am getting so annoyed with people who don’t show up…it’s like this whole site is a joke…there are so few men that will show their pics…what’s up with that?
One of the reasons people join E-Harmony instead of Match or Craigs List is because they want to be judged by who they are instead of what they look like. Unfortunately, it seems that many of the guys consider this to be a one way thing. Sorry, but it works both ways.
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