eHarmony Blog.com

As I mentioned in yesterday’s article… the process of getting to know someone online should be fun.

However, as it stands, eHarmony’s guided communication process… isn’t.

Here’s how I’d go about changing it.

Phase 1: Change “Closed Ended Questions” to, “Interested?”

eHarmony’s “guided communication” starts with the process of asking “Closed ended” (multiple-choice) questions from a list.

And, unless you’re prone to asking stupid questions, or giving stupid answers… it’s a pretty benign beginning. A nice way for the timid to break the ice.

But, the questions are rarely useful. So, why not get rid of ‘em?

Make “Phase One” simple. Have someone initiate.

Once initiated, the other person gets a notification. Only, instead of three stupid questions, they get one important one.

“_____ has read your profile, and is interested in talking with you. (Profile is displayed) Would you like to:

A) Talk further
B) Politely decline
C) Think about it.”

Why make it more complicated than that?

They answered A? The ice is broken. Move on.

Must Haves/Can’t Stands – A good idea, poorly executed

In the next phase of guided communication, couples are required to create a list of ten “Must Haves” and “Can’t stands” from a multiple choice list.

And, during “Phase two” of guided communication, they are required to share those lists with each other.

I’ll give credit to Dr. Warren on this one – the “Must Haves/Can’t Stands” list isn’t a bad idea. It’s easy for someone to get caught up in the highs of early relationshiphood, and fail to realize that a relationship will, ultimately, lead to unhappiness. A list like this helps folks remember what’s important… even when they’re in a hormone rush.

And I’m quite sure that Dr. Warren would fight very hard to make sure that the Must Haves/Can’t Stands list remains an integral part of the eHarmony process.

I respect his beliefs.

But, asking folks to share each other’s lists?

In real life, did Dr. Warren actually encourage people to do this before they even met?

Don’t get me wrong – intimate conversations should happen between couples. But they should take place when the attraction is established and comfort is present.

So, to tip our hats to Dr. Warren? Encourage folks to create their lists.

Remind them of their lists before the first date.

If eHarmony wanted to create guidance after the first date, they could encourage folks to exchange them after a few dates.

But, before the first date… sharing such a list creates antagonism.

And it can be a real attraction-killer.

I’ll move on in tomorrow’s article…

(This article also appears in Scott’s blog My Life Cracked)