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Comments 7

1. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

   It was worth a watch to get some perspective. I am curious to hear what others have to say.

   Posted 31 Jan 2009 at 12:16 pm ¶
2. LavenderLover wrote:

   No TV, so didn’t watch it. I will see if it is available online since you are saying is worth it!

   Posted 31 Jan 2009 at 6:48 pm ¶
3. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

   Well, it was interesting on several levels, worth a watch but nothing hugely groundbreaking. One, was to see others enduring the same tribulations of dating. The other is the methodology Fisher users to pair/categorize people and to see the results of the experiment they run. They also analyze some alternative methods of meeting using the same terms.

   Posted 31 Jan 2009 at 9:55 pm ¶
4. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

   Video is up on the 20/20 website for those who missed it.

   Posted 31 Jan 2009 at 10:08 pm ¶
5. LavenderLover wrote:

   I watched all 5 parts. I must admit Helen Fisher in TED talks is much better, but this was way back, if you can, check it out including the last story, quite funny! (kind of a different ending of the “indian” wedding from this piece!)

   I think the ‘craving’ of romantic love is very interesting, in fact amazing! I have taken some MRI tests (as a subject for fun!) and I trust the data. Now based on the way she divided the people and who fits with who, you will notice that in the party people are one of four categories, but when you take the test (I did and please read my post!), you get a mix and as usual (I am such an NP! from MBTI) that I ended with almost 1/4 of each of the 4 categories!

   Anyway, it was a relieve that ‘nobody’ kind of made it out of the party, if everybody did (or the vast majority) I would say this show was ‘fixed’. The 30k matchmaker and her clients wanted to make my skin crawl!!

   I completely disagree with arranged marriages, many cultures are not as tight as the Indian culture and I would not trust my parents matching me. It works when the rest of the system works, but if you don;t count divorce but ‘Happiness’ I think arranged marriages are way lower!! They stay together but not necesarily happy, based on the few of my friends who have had them.

   All in all I think what the 30k matchmaker said is my perspective, you can find the perfect person a man ‘needs’, but if that is not what he ‘wants’ he will not pursue her.

   So all in all we are hanged up in the same game, if a guy wants us he will pursue but as the majority of women know the ones that pursue us we are not interested in .. and viceversa…

   Thank for bringing this up SGIN!
   Lav

   Posted 01 Feb 2009 at 8:59 pm ¶
6. Matt wrote:

   I attended the event which was held at Mansion in NYC back in July. I was also used twice during the show in back to back segments.

   The first part was when I was feeding someone food and Dr. Fisher said it was powerful and compared it to Chimpanzees (HAHA). The piece she talked about was my aggressive testosterone pose while I was sitting down and talking to the woman.

   Overall I think the show was pretty good. There was nothing said that I already didn’t know. I’ve always been an aggressive person and have the ability to control my environment. I wish I would have met someone at the event but such is life.

   Posted 02 Feb 2009 at 3:29 pm ¶
7. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

   I think one good take away point from the video is that these dating sites and services can help you to network but it is not the panacea that they advertise and use to reel you into paying for a subscription of an instant connection and finding someone perfect.

   Based on this and continual observation and re-evaluation over time, I am seriously doubting the success factor that eH advertises compared to the reality. I think it is more appropriate to put the success factor in comparison with how many people join and fail. Yeah, you can pay and join but how likely is it for you to find a relationship from the service. If that number were really high (and thus the service works well overall) – wouldn’t you think they would be bragging about that all the time on the commercials?

   I’d love to compare their success rates to those who don’t use eHarmony or another service (or those that don’t use any online dating services at all) and whether or not they actually have an advantage. I hypothesize thinking that the answer to that is “no”.

   If one were to take the underlying principles of finding a good match, you will screen out just as many folks either meeting in person or through another service. The question is do you want to do the screening at the beginning through the personality test or can you pick up on those cues in person and are willing to be objective and “close” instead of just entering into a relationship with someone you are poorly matched to. It is not like the matches I got from eH were “winners”. None of them even lead to a relationship: they failed the in person test, so you still end up screening in person. What is the big advantage over other forms of networking?

   As for the matchmaker’s advice, even if I aim below what I “want”, which should be somewhere in the “need” range, I’m still falling short. I can’t even find women that would meet my basic criteria and not the wish list. The ones I do end up getting matched with and that are interested in communicating are far below my standards, which really are tempered by reality and quite reasonable, all things considered. I have to wonder if the ones that I “need” are stuck on the ones they “want”, the same like Lav and we have a collective catch-22 of folks not being willing to compromise. Perhaps it is a case of us quieter guys needing to step up more and be more aggressive, since the “wrong” guys are the ones approaching our “right” gals.

   The more I research and think about relationships, the more questions and less answers I have.

   Posted 03 Feb 2009 at 2:06 pm ¶

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