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Tips and tricks for the Free Communication Weekend

(Note to regular readers: this list of strategies is “sticky-on-top” until the end of the FCW. If you’re on the blog’s front page, please find the latest article below this one.)

For Non-subscribers

  1. Register on the site and finish the questionnaire a few days beforehand. Receiving matches is free but eHarmony only sends a limited number of matches a day, so give your account several days before the FCW to accumulate matches. When the events starts, you’ll have more choices than if you’ve just come in.
  2. Upload your best photos. You will get more replies and less closures.
  3. Never post your contact information (email or web addresses) on your profile. Or say you’re just here for the weekend. Trust me, it attracts no quality replies. Plus, it may trigger the system’s scanners which automatically takes you out of the matching pool.
  4. Review all your matches and initiate communication with EVERYONE, unless his profile screams that you two aren’t compatible. Nudge those whom you communicated before and would be interested in resuming communication, if any.
  5. Be prepared to visit eHarmony several times a day until the end of the Free Weekend. You will get an email when someone replies, but this email could be hours late, so return often! Some stages of the so-called Guided Commmunication requires lengthy answers, be prepared to put time into answering them.
  6. Know the end of the Free Weekend. Will it end Sunday or Monday? 11:59pm PST is what time where you are?
  7. Give them the easiest questions among the list. You can sort things out later. You may not want your match getting stuck answering a tough question that you sent.
  8. Immediately after you sense that he is interested, in one message (a) write that you’re only in eHarmony for the free weekend, (b) give your email address (or phone number), and (c) write that you look forward to hearing from him.
  9. Running out of time? Give out your email address and say you look forward to hearing from him. Then cross your fingers.
  10. And the MOST IMPORTANT tip. If you’re given an email address, write! If you’re given a phone number, CALL! (You did come here to meet people, right?)

For Subscribers

  1. Follow everything in the previous section. Yes, all these tips apply also to you.
  2. Turn matching on as soon as possible.
  3. Many profiles you receive won’t have photos and complete answers. You have to understand that typically these members have just finished the questionnaire.
  4. You will receive double-digit new matches during the FCW. This article explains why.
  5. Focus on those who start responding or initiate during the weekend. They will be the most responsive, because they know their free time ends soon. Next, focus on the new matches you received during the event; see the previous item why.
  6. DO NOT FASTTRACK ANYONE. (FastTrack is now called “Skip to Email”.) Non-subscribers cannot accept or reject FastTrack even during free weekends. You do not want the communication stuck.
  7. DO NOT PHOTO NUDGE ANYONE. Non-subscribers cannot see photos, so they will be unmotivated and confused if you ask them for photos.
  8. Nudge those whom you communicated before and would be interested in resuming communication, if any. Many members use FCW for spring-cleaning. If matches don’t reply during free weekends, they say, then they won’t reply ever. Good point, but what if they were busy this weekend?
  9. Give them the easiest questions among the list. Remember that many people begin their foray to online dating with eHarmony and YOU will be among the first to welcome them.
  10. Aim to bring your match to full Open Communication before the weekend ends. By full OC, I mean that both have sent at least one OC message. After this stage, you see, you can send him as many messages as you want and he will still be able to read them.

Got more tips and tricks? Got stories about the free weekend? Post a comment.

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Comments 30

Comments: 1 2
  1. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    Good posting, eHB. You should bring it to the top before each FCW.

    Posted 13 Feb 2009 at 9:40 am
  2. Uncle Fester wrote:

    Non-subscribers can upload photos? Is this new?

    Posted 13 Feb 2009 at 6:05 pm
  3. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    Why wouldn’t they be able to? I am pretty sure this feature has been around for quite some time.

    Posted 13 Feb 2009 at 6:37 pm
  4. Ken wrote:

    Uncle Fester is probably thinking of the fact that non-subscribers can’t SEE photos.

    Posted 14 Feb 2009 at 7:54 am
  5. Ken wrote:

    NICE “FREE WEEKEND” MOVE, EHARMONY: Saturday morning, it’s impossible to log in.

    Posted 14 Feb 2009 at 7:58 am
  6. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    Their website always seems to act “funny” during these high traffic weekends no matter how much additional hardware they are probably adding over the years. Be persistent. Sometimes it takes two or three login attempts before you get in but once you get in, things usually go fairly smoothly.

    Posted 14 Feb 2009 at 8:27 am
  7. Uncle Fester wrote:

    I know that non-subscribers can’t see photos. I didn’t think they could upload their own photos either.

    Posted 14 Feb 2009 at 8:31 am
  8. Tom wrote:

    U.F. – I was able to upload photos prior to becoming a subscriber.

    Posted 14 Feb 2009 at 9:22 am
  9. Anonymous wrote:

    Hey, I FastTracked a couple matches who are non-members and one sent me an icebreaker but I don’t think non-members can accept or reject FastTrack messages (which include my e-mail) even during this Free Communication weekend. So I think we’re stuck. I’ve tried inserting my e-mail addressinto my profile but eHarmony is deleting it within 30 minutes each time I put it up. Any advice?

    Posted 14 Feb 2009 at 2:53 pm
  10. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    You could try and contact customer support. That’s about as good as it gets.

    Posted 14 Feb 2009 at 5:39 pm
  11. Ken wrote:

    What the heck is it with icebreakers on Free Communication Weekend?

    I’ve received two today (both from women with no photos posted), one saying something about how my profile made her smile (but NOT responding to the questions I’d sent her a few days ago), and the other saying “let’s chat”. Well if ya wanna chat, why not just send me your first questions?!

    It’s almost as if they think that they can’t initiate the process or something. I really don’t get it.

    The stupidity of *only* sending an icebreaker on a FCW makes me think twice about even wanting to bother communicating with them at all. Sheesh.

    Posted 14 Feb 2009 at 8:28 pm
  12. Ken wrote:

    @ Anonymous: Nope, you’re right, non-payers can’t FastTrack.

    Your best shot is to send your first questions, and if she answers and sends you hers, you can tuck your email addy into one of your answers.

    (Remember, this free “weekend” runs through all of Monday.)

    I don’t know if it’s necessary, but I put spaces between all the letters, and I spell out “A T” and “D O T” in all caps … like this …

    u s e r n a m e A T c o m c a s t D O T n e t

    … just to be sure to get past any possible filters.

    Good luck.

    Posted 14 Feb 2009 at 8:36 pm
  13. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    What I don’t get is why folks aren’t interested in taking advantage of it. I have seen so few matches that even bother to respond during FCWs. You went through all that trouble of filling out the profile…why not take advantage of the opportunity? On the other hand, if these folks are that timid, I probably don’t want to meet them but it does say a lot about the prospects of finding someone. Are they less timid in person?

    It is SO easy to get to OC and get an e-mail during four days. Heck, I can usually get it done in one day if they bother to check their e-mail with any reasonable frequency.

    Posted 14 Feb 2009 at 9:21 pm
  14. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    If you FastTrack, as I recall from when I was a subscriber, you are blocked from then sending them first questions and why it is mentioned in the FCW FAQ as a no-no. If you are a subscriber and really hate guided comms and it is not a FCW, you can FastTrack and have a reasonable certainty of getting a response back but not during FCW, since you don’t know who is what status. Given the low percentage of participation, eHarmony should just open up the house to EVERYTHING…pictures, FastTrack. I’ll bet that folks respond better to that in terms of getting new subscribers than the crippled interface given how low the likelihood is of finding “the one” in a 4-day trial.

    Sending e-mail in 1st Q’s I feel is a bit tacky. In 2nd Q’s, it’s reasonable, since there is room and you are still answering their question. I’ve sent my e-mail to folks in 2nd Q’s and sometime in OC and never heard from them, so it is sort of a weird dynamic. I dunno, maybe again, they don’t know you can setup a free e-mail account just for this stuff if they are afraid of giving out their “real” account or how to hide their full identity in their “real” account.

    Posted 14 Feb 2009 at 9:29 pm
  15. Ken wrote:

    I agree about the tackiness, though some would see doing so as being “thrifty” and/or “shrewd”. Heck, some would see participating in eHarmony *at all* as being kinda tacky. :-)

    My impression over the years (ugh!) of online dating is that there are a lot of dabblers out there, women (and probably men too) who don’t really know what (or even *if*!) they want, and so their behavior appears kinda erratic and difficult to understand. Ultimately I’ve no interest in any dabblers anyway, so I guess it all comes out in the wash. I’ve even seen women who state in their profile that they don’t know what/who they’re looking for! Instant PLONK. :-)

    Re your “… given how low the likelihood is of finding ‘the one’ in a 4-day trial …”, well, I’ve been hunting for “the one” for decades by now, so, yeah, 4 days is kind of a shot in the dark. But so is much of life, huh?!

    Posted 14 Feb 2009 at 10:09 pm
  16. Anonymous wrote:

    Hi all,

    Thanks for the advice. I called eHarmony and they confirmed that unless matches join you can’t communicate with them nor they with you at all (you can’t go back to Guided Communication). They also say they can’t undo anything that I’ve done. I added my email as suggested above but I don’t know that people will start checking my profile for new info so not sure it will help me out with the match who was interested in talking to me. I shouldn’t have FastTracked it!

    If anyone else has any suggestions, let me know.

    Thanks!

    Posted 15 Feb 2009 at 12:20 am
  17. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    Anonymous:
    Can’t undo or won’t undo? It is the latter. It is ultimately a 1 or a 0, a virtual switch, in some database that is the result of your action. They CAN change it. They just don’t WANT to.

    We on this blog should henceforth refer to being locked in FastTrack as a bug in the system that they need to fix and perhaps that will get their attention. ;) This is one of those things where you can see it boiling down to them making money versus two users finding each other.

    Ken:
    Excellent comments above.

    Regarding your statement “I’ve been hunting for “the one” for decades by now”. This is somewhat of a disconcerting reality. I don’t get it how so many people _ARE_ able to find success on eH and I think that we users should have “transparency” in those statistics.

    Posted 15 Feb 2009 at 10:23 am
  18. Ron wrote:

    If Customer Service can email members and ask them one-on-one if they agree that their match wants to reopen communication that their match closed, then why can’t Customer Service do this?

    If I were Anonymous I would have spoken with a supervisor.

    And, if I remember correctly, everyone is offered a chance to upload photos after he finishes the questionnaire and before he is shown his first set of matches. I remember a “Skip this step” button on this stage of the registration process.

    Posted 15 Feb 2009 at 11:15 am
  19. Anonymous wrote:

    Hi all,

    So what I did to fix the FastTrack situation I discussed above with a non-member (I’m a paying member). So I did talk to eHarmony customer service and that was a waste or time; I e-mailed and called, both gave canned responses and said they cannot change something related to communication with another person within my account. I agree its not that they probably can’t, but they won’t. So I was very annoyed by this and started to think if I could beat their system…and I did.

    So given it is FCW, I made a dummy account last night, changed my distance preferences so it would be more likely to match with the same match again. It worked and we exchanged e-mails today. So this also shows two non-members can find each other, even w/o pics. I just e-mailed him about this to let him know I am the person he contacted earlier and I stupidly FastTracked.

    I am sure this is too much effort for most but I know there have been people on here who have been in communication and trying to keep in touch during free weekends but they were FastTracked. This would be your way to go back to Guided Communication–just slip in the contact info early on. All you need is a different e-mail address.

    Jessica

    Posted 16 Feb 2009 at 2:47 pm
  20. Pyke wrote:

    … and it doesn’t even have to be a valid email address, because unlike forums and most sites, eHarmony never goes through a “validate your email” step during registration.

    (I wonder how many people were surprised and annoyed because they suddenly received piles and piles of eHarmony emails.)

    Posted 18 Feb 2009 at 4:25 pm
Comments: 1 2

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