A play on the old saying a picture is worth a thousand words…
Anyhow, my angle for this post is to elicit discussion of when you have gotten pictures from a match and think “oh, they look nice/cute/attractive” and then you make it to that first date and somehow, you get an overwhelming feeling of disappointment, so much that you think that maybe you would have gotten a better idea of them from a description than their pictures…
Why could this be?
- The pictures are obviously a few years old and they have changed
- Taken from an odd angle, such that you don’t get a normal impression (seems to be popular with the younger folks?)
- They just aren’t photogenic (which can work both ways, against you if you are more attractive but your photos don’t show it or for some reason you looks nicer in your photos than real life)
- Pictures don’t reflect the majority of their body (this is starting to become more of a red flag on my checklist)
- Taking a risk and meeting someone without pictures (in this specific case, I recall some description and when prodded, they were not willing to share pictures because they said their pictures just didn’t do them justice compared to in person)
How to avoid this sense of disappointment? It seems to be a toughie to deal with.
I’m not sure there is a solution to it, unless you can obviously tell the pictures are old and they probably have something to hide or the only pictures they have of themselves are from odd angles. It seems like the not photogenic can swing both ways – in your favor or against you (pictures look better than they are in real life and not just because of a little bit of makeup or minor things).
I’ve had these happen a few times recently. The funny thing was the one date where they really looked more attractive in the pictures than in person ended up being a combination of all four factors and when we met in person, she commented how I looked just like my pictures. That really set a negative tone. You feel lied to in a way and you kind of feel like you have been a victim of some sorts. I started to wonder what else they were leaving out.
In all of these cases, I seem to recall that if I ignored physical appearance, there were other aspects to their personality that were deal-breakers. The ones that tend to hide their appearance have a high positive correlation with other negative attributes on my “list”. It makes me wonder if the “give them a chance” approach is a waste of time and money and being more discerning ahead of time is better.
I had one match I communicated with for a long time without seeing pictures. We seemed to match in many respects. She finally showed me a few pictures and she was actually quite attractive but got cold feet and shy and decided to take them down. Lack of confidence and being so wishy-washy was a real deal killer, despite all the similarities we had. We still communicated after that but I kept getting an overwhelming sense of lack of confidence and was starting to other personality “issues” that I did not want to deal with and eventually closed her out.
This leads me to believe I need weight appearance more as a screening criteria. Perhaps to be less afraid to ask for more pictures and if they just won’t share them, then odds are, there is something to hide and your physical attractiveness numbers are “way off” on the 1-10 scale such that you won’t be a good match, especially if they have seen my pictures. Quoting NCW’s books, a couple points +/- in either direction is still compatible but more than that and it just isn’t going to be a solid relationship.
On a related note, I finally succumbed and decided to try to Scott Grey’s Hot-or-Not testing method on my main photo. Results were good. In fact, I think that may be my problem. I am pretty high up there on the scale, which is a good thing to be reassured of given all the rejection you get. It makes me wonder if too attractive is why I’m having such problems. On the other hand, being high up on the scale, you wonder why with all of the other positive relationship “capital” I have, why I am unable to even meet someone I wouldn’t mind spending more than a date or two with and that is really trying not to be very picky…
Do you like this article? Post a comment on Facebook