eHarmony Blog.com

(Copied in entirety with permission from The Knitting Curmudgeon, dated 15 January 2009. Thanks, Marilyn!)

Jeremiah

Snot rockets? Jerry has dared me to write about them and our romance and ship it to eHarmony. I might but this is as good a testing ground as any. As he says, “I KNOW you’re going to write about it.” Well, I demurred a bit. “It’s a bit personal, dontcha think, Jer?” He laughed.

I’ve mentioned Jerry before but I guess it’s time to own up to the whole thing. It is a funny but sweet story of how we met last September.

After some absolutely boring dates over the summer from Match.com, I dumped that service and I sign up for eHarmony, which is the dating service that runs TV ads constantly. Supposedly they match you with the right person. I go through these profiles and I’m going “Feh. Blech. Yuck.” If you ever want a good laugh, read some of these profiles, on whatever dating service you choose. I was always tempted to write my profile as a parody:

I love to go walking on the beach, have a candlelit dinner with a bottle of wine. I adore NASCAR and golf and I love to cuddle on the couch while we watch NFL games on Sundays. I’m honest, not a game player, clean, thrifty, and reverent. I love to dress up in heels and go out to dinner.

Yeah, that’s me, alright. Sure. If I go to the beach, I’m in the water. I don’t drink. I hate NASCAR, don’t give a rat’s ass about golf. I’ll cuddle on the couch but it might lead to more and you’ll have to turn off the game. However, I am honest to a fault but incredibly irreverent. So fuck you if you can’t take a joke.

And then I get Jeremiah’s profile. Oh, cool name, I thought. I start reading it. It’s short but at the end, he writes “And my nieces think I’m a pisser.”

Yes. This one I’d like to know. So Jerry and I start writing to each other. And then comes the inevitable phone call. We’re on the phone for two hours. I’m laughing my ass off. He seems wonderful but…he lives almost 80 miles away, in North Arlington, NJ. Hmmm. A bit far.

We talk again. Again, a great conversation. And I’m thinking, maybe. But then, the shit came down at work and I backed off and told Jerry I was seeing another person. I was scared, to be honest. I realized that my attraction to Jerry, even over the phone, was more than I could handle then. Yeah, another person–Mr. Formula 1, for one hideous lunch date. So I blew a good guy off.

I never stopped thinking about Jerry and then, after dumping eHarmony, I tried SeniorFriendFinder in early November. I’m on it two days and all of a sudden, there’s Jerry. He’s favorited me. That did it. I e-mailed him and told him I was an idiot to trash him. We met a week later. And we were both done.

Snot rockets…well, just let me say that I can’t really write this explicitly but suffice it to say, he threatened to blow some on my back when I smart-assed him in bed. If he wants to write more about it, he can in the Comments.

I’m still laughing about snot rockets. And yes, we love each other very much. I’ve been waiting for Jerry for a very long time. We’re so alike, it’s scary, as he says. He’s as snarky as I am but a loving, kind sweetheart. We take very good care of each other. He gets me. I get him. He gets the fiber crap. And loves movies, history, current events, hates Bush. What more could a girl want? And I think he’s hot.

I never thought that I would find anyone to love again. Jerry, if you’re reading this (yes, he does read the blog), I love you so much. There, I said it publicly. Are ya happy? I sure am, ya old fuck. Like George Carlin said, we’re old fucks. And rare and handy ones too. He’ll be coming to Rhinebeck next October. Forewarned is forearmed. The two of us together are formidable.