Hi, My Name Is Liana. I Survived eHarmony. • eHarmony Blog

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Hi, My Name Is Liana. I Survived eHarmony.

Hi

I am a former user of EHarmony. I had the worst luck with the people that were my matches. One, right before he was to come to meet me, confided he was still legally married. The other, turned out he has an amazing slew of social issues, including (but not limited to) pretending he is having sex in public places when out on a date. I am not talking in the When Harry Met Sally fashion either. Oh, the great joys! (it’s OK to laugh, I do now)

Then there is the constant feeling of rejection you feel when someone can close you because you ‘don’t have the chemistry’. For someone like me, who is most attracted to someone after getting to know them, this constant feeling of rejection from people who didn’t even take a minute to get to know me, was a real eye opener. There was no courteous way of saying, “I really appreciate your time but after correspondence, I believe we may have conflicting goals”.. Dr. Warren, might I suggest that while you are developing a science to love that you develop a science to the human heart as well? (Lets put him on Dr. Phil!)

I also really didn’t like that when you have the free 30 days, you can SUGGEST that you use the fast track with someone, but it doesn’t show that you can not use it unless you subscribe again…. AFTER YOU SEND THE REQUEST!!! Arrrrrg!

I went back for the free 30 days, to decide if I wanted to try again, only to do that very thing and of course there was no way I could retract it and no way to communicate with the gent. So, he closed the match because I didn’t contact him. I felt awful.

So, thank you Dr. Warren. Your science is quackery, at best. The next time I am ever ‘dry humped’ by one of your minions again, I will be sure to send you a photo and a Hallmark, would you post THAT image on a commercial?

No, I didn’t think so..

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Comments 2

SingleGuyInNC wrote:
Hi Liana,

Those first two examples are a doozy! The first one was in violation of eHarmony’s terms and you should report him to them so he doesn’t get matched to others.

You do have to go through some frogs. You mention that you prefer to get to know folks – well, that’s what you will end up with if you aren’t choosy and close folks out that you get that little feeling in the back of your head saying that something doesn’t add up. I have had the same perspective: I try to give anyone that I thought was a remote possibility a chance and not judge too much. Not everyone is going to have the same perspective or is on eHarmony for the same reasons.

The matching method is not perfect and you shouldn’t expect your matches to be perfect. You still have to some screening and leg work. The science behind it is quite reasonable if you take the time to understand it.

I don’t think that your experience will be significantly different on another online service with respect to not wanting to give things a chance. The same logic folks bring the real world filters its way online. How many folks get rejected just by appearance at a bar (your picture) or with that initial pickup line (your profile)?

Just some food for thought.
Posted 29 Dec 2008 at 7:49 pm ¶
Liana Palooza wrote:
Hi, Thank You for the feedback.

I do a lot of ‘screening’ but there are some things that I don’t think you will realize about a person until you spend some physical time with them. Anyone can be a complete peach over the phone. It is the actual mannerisms that will give away the true unspoken messages I need to see. Unless a person is pretty blatant about their social behaviors on the phone (“Hey, I just pulled a 30 in county, ready to party?) it is often hard to see the truth until you go to coffee at least once. While I am not expecting perfection, as I am pretty sure I didn’t elude to an expectation, I do expect at least a measure of social grace or capability. I also don’t believe in kissing a lot of frogs, ew.

I don’t really do the online dating scene since eHarmony. I have been to one, for the forums, but left when I saw the topic string “Why won’t he date me just because I am pregnant with another mans baby”.. She was serious even.

So, while I believe there are some really great people out there who are serious about it, it has been my experience that the general pool of people on these sites have been there at least 6 months or more and have become such regulars they have a community within a community. New meat is like tossing them to the sharks, each time hoping that this is the catch. I won’t even buy a cat, and refuse to become the cat lady, so why would I toss myself to the sharks as well?

I am not jaded, in the slightest. I am in fact, quite the optimist when it comes to love, romance and all the mushy stuff that goes along with it. I am, however, quite disenchanted with sites that say they are there to help, when in fact it is so monitored over the most little of details that we as adults can make do on our own, that they over look the most basic of details and still toss the meat to sharks.

I hope you have a lovely holiday, and I wish you much for the coming year.

Liana
Posted 30 Dec 2008 at 12:54 am ¶

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