eHarmony Blog.com

I have a sentimental story for you today.

Most eHB posts are informative. If I stop writing those informative articles about how to hack eHarmony servers, cheat Match Settings, seduce people to move to Open Communication and give out phone numbers, then all you folks will get to read are sappy Week-in-reviews of my dating experiences in eHarmony.

ONLY THEN will I get the PageRank I deserve, since, as far as I can see, people like to link to other people spilling their souls out to the public. People expect news from CNN, tips from Cosmo and poignant stories in blogs. Put news in blogs and people say you’re wacko.

Oh forget about it. eHB is grateful for receiving generous traffic for keywords scattered all over its posts. eHB now appears first for our name in Yahoo Search and MSN Search. I thank, Scott, my top referrer site in the past month. We are now position 9 with the search words “eHarmony reject” in Google. All this achieved without spending a cent on SEO marketing.

Speaking of advertising, I decided to remove the Amazon banner at the page footer, since the selections appearing aren’t as enticing as I thought. I joined Commission Junction last week, but pulled out the CJ codes a few days later because I saw it ruins my colours and layout. Google Adsense made no sense because all it showed were sign-up links to eH or some other dating service. By the middle of the week I decided to keep this site ad free, like some beat-blogs I respect like Google Weblog http://google.blogspace.com/ , Quixtar Blog http://www.webraw.com/quixtar and Kevin Sites Blog http://www.kevinsites.net/ , because people visit this blog to learn things about eHarmony, not buy a gadget or a book.

Before I move to discuss my date, please have a look at my stats at the end of this week:

Speaking and dating – 4 matches
OPEN – 9 matches
“Waiting for match to start open communication” – 4 matches
“Send Answers to 2nd Questions” – 1 match
“Waiting for match’s answers to 2nd questions” – 2 matches
“Send 2nd questions” – 4 matches
“Reading your answers to 1st questions” – 5 matches
“Waiting for match’s answers to 1st questions” – 121 matches
CLOSED during stage 3 – 8 matches
CLOSED during stage 2 – 3 matches
CLOSED during stage 1 – 42 matches
Total – 203 matches (up 45 from 8 days ago)
# of days – 40
Average matches per day – 5.075 (up from 4.78)
Average cost per OPEN = $1.53 (up from 1.64)
Average cost per match = $0.098 (up from 0.104)

I’m impressed with eHarmony for having 121 nonrespondents among 203 matches. This means roughly 2 out of the 5 matches I might get each morning will be people who will interact with me. Unfortunately for me, 1 of these 2 will close me out before any communication begins. Thus, 40 days = 40 communicating matches.

Enough of this, let’s talk about my hot date.

I met match #52 on Sunday 23 July 2006 (Day 13). The first good sign is: We lived in the same city. Then two things in the profile struck me deeper than all the rest ever was:

The one thing match #52 is most passionate about:

I believe life should be lived with an intentional, loving attitude, and that its purpose should be greater than one’s self. I have a special love for Africa, and am intentionally pursuing a career in international development. While empathising with people in suffering is important, so is enjoying life, beauty, and peace as much as possible, even in difficult situations, or in the face of suffering in the world. I respect honest struggles about moral, philosophical and spiritual issues more than avoiding tough questions. Relationships are very important to me, and I have fulfilling relationships with my family and friends.

The most influential person in match #52 has been:

A friend of mine who died an untimely death serving the poor in Africa indirectly taught me a great deal about uncertainty and suffering in life, that bad things happen to good people. I admire her spouse intently for not letting the suffering overwhelm him, but channelling it to serve others suffering the death of a loved one.

There they are, two paragraphs saying everything that is important to me — everything my inner soul yearns to be. No kidding! Here was a person who set to accomplish servitude beyond oneself in a dangerous foreign land. Unlike my other matches who had a passion for seeking God, for food, for traveling, for learning, for art, for horses, or for learning and unlike my other matches (teachers or social workers) who had a passion for serving the youth or disadvantaged in the local community, this person decided to offer oneself to serve an entirely disadvantaged continent. It’s admirable and mindblowing at the same time.

(Later on I realised this match’s profile almost led to my ruin because subsequent matches who are passionate about food, traveling or seeking God without action immediately seemed flat.)

The rest of the profile showed our commonalities such as high values, loyalty, loving God actively, curiosity, playfulness, and Information Technology. Yes, IT: match #52 and I started in the same career. Match #52 looked great, too.

For the first time in eHarmonyland, I felt my knees shake. Not because I was eager to start communication, but because I thought, ‘Africa? What will become of me in Africa, chasing my spouse and gazelles in savannas before lunch? Why on earth will I give up this lifestyle, this climate, potable water, automatic washing machines, high-speed internet!, to live in Africa?’

I clicked «Start Communicating» and, for the first time, I chose 5 questions especially for a match. I wanted to know if match #52 and I loved having fun the same way and agreed on a couple other issues.

My mind raced with thoughts, ‘What are you doing? Didn’t you see “The Constant Gardener”? What if my loved ones, this match, our kids or our friends, get killed in some crossfire or some disease? Can I just leave this match alone and be content with joining those “adopt a child from Africa” charity programmes? I’m sure the social workers there can manage just fine without me.’

The answers came in an hour and they were all on the dot. What time is it in Africa? I wondered.

I then clicked FastTrack — something people shouldn’t be doing unless in extreme conditions. If this match accepted the FastTrack request, this match will read this note:

Thank you for replying, Match #52. What you’re doing and your story about your friend and her spouse touched me deeply and I will sincerely regret if you closed communication with me if I say the wrong things and you decide I’m not marriage material. That’s why I take this chance to attempt eH’s FastTrack. Are you in the city now, or leaving again soon?

As I typed this note, half of me wants to let this person (and the respective continent) go. The other half of me suspects this is my Call For Greatness. If by some miracle this match finds me interesting long enough, then quite possibly I’ll have inspiration and energy to do something more Meaningful than the numbing “make-money-buy-big-house-raise-kids-retire” plan I have. Yes, it felt unfair to impose the decision unto Match #52, but I wanted a quick death than worry longer that I give the match the wrong answers during the stiff communication process.

(A friend laughed at my note. Yeah, the M word, under other (most?) circumstances, will scare people away.)

Match #52 replied 45 minutes later:

Hi eHarmony Blog,

I’m pleased to meet you. I am in [our city]; I don’t have any upcoming travel plans, besides a bit of time out of the city during the summer. I think I’ll leave for 2 weeks on Sunday. I am looking forward to getting to know you. Please write or phone as you feel most comfortable. I’m at [phone number].

Match #52

… and we never used the lousy Open Communication format again.

I called the number the next night, and left my phone number in a voice mail message. I got a callback the next night. Thus the courtship began. Match #52 indeed left with friends for a 10-day summer getaway a week later. 40 minus 10 minus 13 = 17. We spoke six times during the last 17 days.

Yes they were those “Made in eHarmony” phone calls you keep hearing about. Commonalities such as high values, loyalty, loving God actively, curiosity, playfulness, and Information Technology were confirmed and reconfirmed. All the shenanigans and frustrations of the past (see the previous Week-in-reviews) were worth it — this moment of finding one good match.

OK. Our first meeting is tomorrow. I probably won’t be able to blog about this until the next Week-in-review. Bloody, I’ve got the cart waaay before the horse.