Official answer: How does HEIGHT figure into the matching process?

For many women — and some men — height is very important factor in choosing whom to date.

Some say that “Other” really means, “You’re too short”.

After all these years, eHarmony won’t let us specify the height range for our matches. eHarmony US and eHarmony Canada’s Help areas used to explain why, but they took it out. (Anybody wanna guess why?) Here is the official answer, found in eHarmony Australia’s Help area:

We don’t consider height in our matching criteria for one simple reason: it hasn’t been shown to impact long-term relationship success and happiness. We want you to be “introduced” to every eHarmony user who matches you in the areas that are important to having a great relationship.

If you decide you don’t like certain matches and want to close them, that’s fine. However, broad-based compatibility between two people is rare, and if you share that kind of connection with another person, we want you to meet him or her.

The biggest problem with height requirements is that they restrict your matching. If you’re a woman, for example, you may choose to avoid men who are shorter than 5’9″. But that restriction on matching could keep you from meeting an amazing man who would make the perfect long term partner and happens to be 5’8″. Again, we want to bring you all the compatible candidates we possibly can and let you apply your own additional personal preferences.

Our hope is that you’ll consider each match from the inside out, withholding judgment on physical attributes until you’ve gotten to know the person. We know that can be tough, but considering the importance of the decision being made, we hope you’ll give it your very best effort.

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Comments 13

SingleGuyInNC wrote:
Height is not an “insta-close” for me but I have yet to be matched with a woman taller than me. Almost all of my matches are at least 3″ or so shorter (so I should pass the “standing next to him in heels” test).

Question for female readers :
Is there such a thing as a male that is too tall?
Posted 22 Oct 2008 at 8:21 pm ¶
Chris wrote:
I am 5’6″ and lately, I’ve been getting matched up with girls at least 2 inches taller than me. It seems that the most popular height for my matches right now is actually more like 5’10″. Maybe I’m too fickle, but I just can’t bring myself to date a woman taller than me. That is an “insta-close,” as SingleGuyInNC called it.
Posted 23 Oct 2008 at 3:36 am ¶
bubblenix wrote:
Chris, fickle means “capricious; temperamental”. Perhaps the word you’re looking for is “superficial; shallow”.

I also want to hear from the ladies — I have also been summarily closed by tall women via “Other”.
Posted 23 Oct 2008 at 8:16 am ¶
SML wrote:
I am a short woman (5’3″) and I do close matches based on height. Anyone under 5’9″ will be automatically closed. I know I’m being overly picky, but what can I say.
Posted 23 Oct 2008 at 1:47 pm ¶
Anonymous wrote:
You close matches that are “only” 6″ taller than you? Based on average height charts, you’re automatically throwing away 50% of men based on height alone.

Just seems rather superficial and shallow to judge someone on a physical characteristic they have absolutely no control over. It’d be like a man closing matches with women who breasts are smaller than a D cup. (and sure, there are men that do that, but that’s superficial and shallow too).
Posted 23 Oct 2008 at 10:06 pm ¶
eharmonyblog wrote:
bubblenix, Chris meant “picky” not “fickle”.

SingleGuyInNC, how tall are you?

No one will call himself or herself shallow and superficial, so why not just call them, as Shar put it, as PREFERENCES — like one would prefer spaghetti instead of curry. Do people’s preferences have to make sense?

Hmm, this topic would be lovely as a poll for November… a fitting counterpart to our body type poll. Also, could the reason why eHarmony removed this answer from their FAQ be that they do match on height now?
Posted 23 Oct 2008 at 10:31 pm ¶
SingleGuyInNC wrote:
eHB – I am 6′ 0″, barefoot, to the top of my head as measured against the wall. No fudge factor.

I’m all about truthfulness and full disclosure. Ditto for my photos. They are all very recent (now only a few weeks old). I hear that with both of these things, it is a common problem with online dating to fudge with older photos and add an inch or two…

SML – I have to concur with the Anonymous post. The average height for a male in the US is 5′ 10″. Unless you are overwhelmed with active matches in your height range, you sort of are doing yourself a disservice by self-limiting.

I’m curious to get to the nitty-gritty of this preference. Is it just a “feeling” or are there specific reasons why a woman wants their man to be taller than they are, aside from the “heels test” (and the same for men being with a taller woman)? Is it a cultural influence ingrained in us or is it something practical that has become a part of culture that we have these selection characteristics for our partners?
Posted 24 Oct 2008 at 10:49 am ¶
SML wrote:
If my liking tall men makes me shallow and superficial, then yes I am both of those things. It’s not about them being taller them me in heels, although that plays a part. I just personally find tall men attractive. Me closing a match because of height is not any different then anybody else closing a match because they don’t find them attractive or there is no pictures (as one of the last poll shows quite a large number of people do). That would also be shallow and superficial. As much as people want to say that physical aspect of looking at a match doesn’t count, I think it does. What I find attractive the next girl may not. And part of what I find physically attractive is being tall. I do try to be open minded with online dating. If someone initiates communication I do try to give it a chance. I don’t always do it, but I do try my best to give it a chance. But there is only so much open mindedness I can do. And honestly being open minded hasn’t worked out very well for me.

So yes I have closed matches because of height, but a most of them would have been close for other reasons. But height was one of the main ones. There have been a few that were closed based on height alone because a man who is 5’2 or 5’4 just doesn’t work for a girl who likes tall men.

I know this narrows down the possibilities of communication. But I’m I signed up to eHarmony to meet someone that I may like and possibly have a relationship. I know a relationship is based on more then just the physical, but there has to be some sort of attraction. I’m not on there trying to find the perfect man and I know that they are not going to have all the things I want. But at I at least want to meet someone who does fit enough of them.
Posted 02 Nov 2008 at 8:54 am ¶
SingleGuyInNC wrote:
Interesting video, eHB and it will be interesting to see the results of the eHB poll.

SML – so there is something to the old “tall dark and handsome” saying…

I have to say that I have been exceptionally open-minded in all respects and the return rate, while it has improved over time and changing my strategy, is nowhere near what I still hope for.
Posted 02 Nov 2008 at 4:36 pm ¶
SincerelyEthical wrote:
This is one of the countless reasons why algorithms (which are nothing more than generalized statistical guesses) fail miserably in comparison to mutual filtering methods for finding a romantic partner. eHarmony and many other matchmaking sites take a ‘one size fits all’ approach, which is definitely the wrong way to go about it. Finding a successful match this way is clearly the exception, not the norm. Mutual filtering has proven to be far superior to algorithms when dealing with subjective and irrational topics such as romantic love. I know of a few sites which correctly use mutual filtering, and I would wager that most eHarmony members would find those sites to be superior…
Posted 01 Jul 2009 at 7:39 am ¶
autumnodette wrote:
I must admit I close matches that are shorter than me. It goes way deeper then just simply not being “physically attracted” to short men. I have dated a shorter man, and I realized that I become insecure around them, I become more worried about my looks, weight and height, and to me, it felt uncomfortable and unnatural. In the end, I don’t feel comfortable, and I develop unhealthy insecurities. I do know people in successful relationships in which the man is shorter, but this is for me, and I know everyone is different – however I do think there should be a height setting on eharmoney.
Posted 27 Aug 2010 at 12:23 am ¶
Johnny wrote:
I’m only in to taller dudes. I’m 5’9″ and I like my guys taller. If they are too short or too scawny, it’s a turn off. I don’t like fatties either.
Posted 02 Jan 2011 at 3:30 pm ¶
Susana wrote:
I too would welcome an option for a preferred height of possible matches.
Posted 13 Apr 2013 at 2:53 am ¶

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