eHarmony Blog.com

So I get it – there’s really no point in spending too much time writing messages or even talking on the phone to a new OC match… it all comes down to “chemistry”, which can only be felt (or not felt) while interacting with one another in person.  So it becomes a simple task then just to casually meet up with one of these matches for a quick date and some easy conversation.  Surely when testing for the existence of “chemistry” one need not go to great lengths to schedule an event.  Forget about ambience.  Just pick a place and a time and walk up to this person and say ‘hi’ and get to talking.  Sound easy enough?  Sure does…

But what happens when the test results come in?   And they certainly will be negative – you can count on that.  How will you both react?  Suddenly an easy situation has become a gut-wrenching exercise in disposing of someone (who is obviously lonely to begin with).  Not fun.  It’s no surprise that this approach to a first date fails miserably.  It’s engineered to fail.  By taking every possible romantic factor out of a date, the date ceases to be.  Rather, it becomes a screening interview for a job neither candidate is qualified for.  And the conversation proceeds similarly…

Unfortunately I agreed to meet my last OC match according to this approach (it was her preference).  Now, of course I knew it was a bad idea.  But here’s where this story gets interesting.  

Prior to meeting… Obviously my first step was to ask her directly if she was still interested in pursuing our match.  She emphatically responded in a positive manner.  That’s odd.  But I trusted her, and resumed my excitement.  Logistically, we had exchanged many emails for 6 days and had 2 very nice conversations over the phone.  Seemed good, right?

Go time (Monday evening after work – how unromantic is that?)… the job interview starts and things are falling to pieces.  I get nervous, I can’t keep the conversation on track, I can’t think of anything to say next, I’m fidgety, she looks bored, we don’t agree on anything, she won’t laugh at my jokes, she won’t make any jokes of her own, she accuses me of yawning at her, she then yawns herself… I want out.  I’m annoyed.  I don’t like the frozen yogurt place we’re sitting in anymore.  It’s color scheme is making me sick.  So I get up from the table and ask to leave.  She doesn’t look happy.  Why the hell not?  Based on her facial expressions and the abundance of disinterest she’s been flinging around, I thought my gesture would relieve her.  It sure did relieve me.  So we walk out and prepare to split up.  Now please pay close attention to this sequence of events.  She starts mentioning how good it is that we have started to see each other…??????  She mutters about this other place she’d like to go sometime to hang out…??????  I’m getting awfully confused at this point.  I actually feel disoriented and start to stumble.  I need to go home.  I stop us and begin closure.  I say that I’m sorry that things didn’t work out.  She mentions that she’ll call if she wants to get together again.  I repeat myself.  She sighs and says that “you’re so on -” while slapping the top of her hand against the other.  ”We’re gonna see each other again… wanna be friends?”  I reply “nah, that’s ok” with a crooked smile.  We adjourn.

Afterwards… so I call her 5 minutes later from my car.  ”Could you have been any less interested in me?” I asked.  She seems surprised and claims that I had demonstrated a lack of interest as well.  So I clear things up with one question… “So you think we have potential for a serious relationship?”  She backs down and admits the “chemistry” wasn’t there for a relationship.  But, she still is requesting friendship.  I begin closure once more to avoid the friendship thing.  She has none of it this time.  ”You have no idea how hard it is to meet nice guys”, she says.  ”Please, let’s be friends.”  Reluctantly, I agree… but have no plans to keep in touch as of yet.

I have no idea where she was coming from…